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Leslie Cheung I felt compelled to write about this great man, once an infamous, extraordinarily good-looking heartthrob, chased after by an ocean of screaming fans, touching him was like a Midas’ Touch, for he was their gold, and worshipping him like gods. He was such a living legend that he was honored, being called, ‘Ko Ko’ or Elder Brother. He was Leslie Cheung, arguably one of Asia’s top entertainers, although he was already in his 40s, semi retired from the show biz. He was also openly declared he was a gay, despite knowing that it would affect his fame. But his fans accepted him the same. My own Depression had made me to do this, writing about Cheung’s suffering that similar to mine ‒ the Depression that killed him mercilessly. Same illness, but different ways to cope and solve. 1st April 2003, 6.41 p.m. Cheung leapt to his death from a café in the 24th Floor, of the Mandarin Hotel in Hong Kong. In the beginning, the entire world thought it was an April Fool’s joke. A joke that shockingly became a horrifying reality. He wrote a suicide note that read, “Depression! Thank you to the fans. Thank you to Prof. Mike (his psychiatrist). It has been a year of suffering. Thank you Mr. Tong (his boyfriend). Thank you Fei Che. In my life I have done nothing wrong. Why it has to be like this?” The police found that suicide note in his coat pocket. He was rushed to the Queen Mary Hospital where he was certified dead at 7.06 p.m. Everyone in Hong Kong show biz were extremely shocked and devastated. Then followed by his fans all over the world. I’ve been suffering from full-blown Depression for decades. And Cheung suffered from it for only a year and chose committing suicide as the solution? Was Cheung’s Depression many times worse than mine? It remains a mystery. Throughout the entire year before Cheung’s suicide, he had manifested many signs of melancholia. He had written a song with depressive lyrics. His producer Chui Fung of many years, told the media that Cheung had complaint about his severe depression and being easy to become aggressive throughout the year. And bizarrely, Cheung had also informed her that he had been cast Black magic curses on, something that had no scientific explanations, was unrealistic and doubted by many. So Chui Fung hastily asked Cheung to see a psychiatrist and to take medications. Black magic is REAL. Not many would believe its existence or harm that it would cause. Cheung’s case was a typical example. He was emotionally unstable and complaint about being disturbed by certain ‘thing’, having insomnia, had broken down and crying to his friends for help. Cheung kept saying that he didn’t do anything wrong, but that ‘thing’ refused to stop disturbing him. He was also paranoid, thought that he had been followed. He has sought medical help from a psychiatrist. And at the same time, consulting numerous Tao priests or shamans. When things didn’t change, he even went to see a Christian pastor. But none worked. On July of 2002, his illness had worsened. He had lost weight and taken lots of medicines that made him appeared with shaky hands. He continued with his cries for help. No one knew his level of severity of Depression, and how painful it had made him till he chose suicide to end it. In these days and age, Cheung’s case is a testimony that how much more the ignorant people should take efforts to learn and understand. Many still think it’s a weakness of character and lack of will power that make suicide to occur. To point at failures in love relationships, financial problems, family problems for a case like Cheung’s are LAME EXCUSES and are ideas of those less acknowledged fools. In this way, Depression is often underestimated and overlooked. But unfortunately, these fools aren't few. It made up MOST of the populations of each country in the world. These vacuum headed ones also consider Depression is just a period of high and low, caused by the happenings in the surroundings, harmless and is experienced by all. But Depression in clinical and practical sense is a terrifying monster that swallowed the unfortunately SELECTED individuals, throwing spells of gloom and darkness, and is powerful enough to pull the individuals down to the lowest of the lowest, darkest of the darkest. It’s a spell of doom that the selected individuals could never avoid. And it’s excruciatingly painful, so great it’s near impossible to ease it. And Cheung, a selected individual, had chosen death as relief. Very unfortunate, I too, am a SELECTED ONE, just like Cheung. PA 
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6/5/2006 7:12 pm |
Om Gam Ganapataye Namaha Om Dhum Durgaye Namaha Om Aim Saraswataye Namaha Om Hrim Maha Lakshmiaye Namaha Om Namo Narayanaya Om Namo Narayanaya Om Namo Narayanaya Om Shanthi Shanthi Shanthi Om Peace Peace Peace
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PA, Thank you for this in-depth analysis into Leslie's case and frank comparison of your own. I saw the title Leslie Cheung and poped in bcoz i appreciated him. But it's out of expectation to read and have knowledge abt depression. I guess Depression does not choose one for no reason. There would be some cause. If you find out the cause to your depression, you deal w/ it then you can recover gradually. You know Niki. De Saint Phallet? She picked up art creation as a means of therapy thus overcoming her depression (even nerve breakdown), then all her life she is an creative artists. Good luck to you and never give up trying, as fm your writing, i see you have compassion for Leslie's flying down to the floor.
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Misty - you may be 'selected' but you WILL NOT go down the same path. You have friends and support here from your writings. I know that even writing itself can be painful for you, but I hope you can continue to find the strength and will-power to continue. Be strong! Fight the depression as you would any other foe in the world. It has wronged you and must pay the price. Be a fighter. You could try getting a life-like doll of the wise-ass and stick pins in it! (tehee) but however you get through your days, keep fighting and keep getting through the days - one at a time! When my estranged wife left ten years ago with my three kids, I started down this path and was alone. I too am a fighter so I changed my path. I hope you see branches in your path and can take a turning one day. Your friend TG
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6/6/2006 10:09 am |
there are many as you say, dimension of what is depression and how it's dealt with and what it affects in one's life.. We have so many things placed upon us by the expects of society, and the parity that we ourselves seek in the social element. Fame and acclaim is not something that has an effect on over-comming such a malady of illness. But, its a challenge to daily seek, pursue, find, discover, uncover and expose that which is ourselves unto ourselves... and to seek ways to see it as being viable and progressive in our membership in the human society. Many of the medical community that deal with this, have a path they follow, and thats regressive investigation, and re-focusing the internal element of the sub-sconscience to see, feel, acknowledge and belive in the self worth, without external assesments... it's a process, and it has to be engaged with faith in grasping what one comes to know.. It's the not knowing, the not believe and the not embracing these things.. that further's the depressions of many.. the chemical imbalances and much that comes along with it, thus people who have the medication, also have to do much individualized work, outside of the clinical arena, on a daily basis, and even and hourly basis... Many go to the doc's, and try and ride on that for a week or two until their next appointment, but they have to build upon what they gain from each session..and doc's have to learn and become more aware of medical prescription fluxiation, to allow natural development... not the individual choosing when to lower or increase dosages, but the doctor, in a controlled manner... and thus this helps the natural developmeent... many are damaged because the dosages increase, and the self help techniquies decrease, and the cycle deepens.. we must realize .. that Psycharactic work is relatively new... in the over-all scope of what it is... we just had Frued, in the last Century, and they fought him fiercely... but now that the filed has gained it's clarity, it must now gain the actualy awareness of how to ustilize medications... not just prescribe it, and hope it works, but know how to work with it, and the INDIVIDUAL.. and we are yet, a few years from that pratical approach.. there must be awareness of what is, "altered states", and what is the move between the two, once the medication wears off, and thus work on the individual inbetween, give them pratical interactive programs to work and put into daily practices in discovering, uncovering and re-learning the learned things that are from compressions, supressions, repressions, depressions and the theraputical methods. the systematic process, need a alterations and a change and in their methods of progressive interactivity of procedure.. those who work in the field or have the symptom's will understand what this means and how this applies... but the problems arise, when they are basically .. in a program, that provides venting, and passifying, passifying and venting... it takes some stretch work, of the emotional self... and that must be exercised in an ongoing frequency of process.. Sexuality is a facor, that is much of damages to many, as In one comment, I addressed the specturm to PA, in a blog comment, of the things that have had dramatic impacts on her esteem, self worth and the ups and down of not knowing where and whom to trust the emotional content of expressions, and culmultative.. this is something that is suffered by many women, in and out of the sexual business... they become to resent their bodies, they resent themselves, they resent the opposite sex, they ressnt pleasure, they resent the use of other, and the mis-use that is done to them... and this is intensified, when daily they have to go back and face this de-humainzing process daily, in order to meet the basics of food, water and shelter.. and thus.. their cycle of life, is adverse to the things that are natural in the inclination of us as people.. and that is a category of depression that is very rarely addressed in this society ... be it here or there... and all continents.. How do you deal with it, .. is a process in and of itself... one has to learn small steps of trust, small steps of self appreciation, small steps of all the above mentioned factors, and re- learn and un learn the emotions interpertations of such a series of negative interactions and their summary result.. this sounds simple, but it's not it's a process... and the process need guidance and direction.. it requires technical expertise, and process documentation, and much of review, advise and adjust. the torment of the mentioned individual the blog is composed, is a very indepth subject that I'd love to discuss but the depth of it is.. something that would result in a summary of controversial commentary... therefore I will ... restrain such a discussion. because the principals would surely be met with much that would divert too far from the points and principals.. I shall say.. this .. and it's simple but, it is very complex.. "One has to re-learn of love and what is life.. and how is living", one has to be reborn in their subsconscieness, to be aware of themselves in a different demeanor and, thus a different set of responses to external interactivity, and internal interpertations... This along with the medications that help restbalize the chemical imbalances that are resultant factors.. We have to remember we are ... a chemical composition as beings, and we are such that is affected by our intricate body's continual re-formulating the composition to maintain our being.. ( that is a compacted comment.. very heavily concentrated).. and the emotionalsm of our interactivity of life.. changes this dynamics in many many many ways... and science and the study of human behavior is still in an infancy concerning these matters.. We must realize we are still in an enviornment that has not found a basis of commonality of philisophical concepts of social natures.. therefore, the platform is .. with a diversity that is quite intricate.. this brings us back to the base principal.. "One has to re-learn of love and what is life.. and how is living", this has little to do at this stage in regards to ramanticized love between lovers... but more about what is ... love of and about what is self.. and that goes to the core of what is our purpose, and what is our meaning ... in being one's self... That is ... vast.. but yet simple... yet, so many complesxities must be addressed. some people go thru many switching of religions seeking this awareness. in their search for somthing to grasp and hold, that can give this .. awareness.. and become dismayed at various contortions of the teachings.. which again... is the basis.. of us commeing to know.. that we have to find what is the one-ness that we aspire.. ( that's a vague closure to the subject)... but .. to go on... would only be a compounded set of briefs, that can be more confounding that benefitting... Hope this is progresssive in understanding for those who can and do understand the texture of the writing..and the depth of the nature of subject matter.
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6/7/2006 6:16 am |
I'm happy you chose writing... You are truly a natural  you could so easily make it as a writer, by all means solicit magazine, and news papers, and even internet sites, that publish and pay for writing... I think you'd do very well. 
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6/13/2006 4:08 pm |
Thanks friends, thanks for your responses, of which I thought this subject could be a repel, as it's depressive. I might write a sequel to this blog, on another figure of HK entertainment circle who also chose the same way to end her pain. I miss the late Ko Ko although he wasnt my hearttrob idol during his time. I was into English songs that time. But now I see the late Ko Ko as an extraordinary singer and actor and his death is a real loss in the HK entertainment circle and to all his fans. Swallowtsui, That's why I'm writing. I choose writing as a therapeutic...  .PA Its very true in what your doing,and it is very therapeutic as i feel alot better when i write as i feel a peace inside myself.
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