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Set love free ‒ “release” the husband to another city or not? Backgroud: It’s more and more common for Chinese couples to live apart today, thanks to the economy boom and career/work allotment in Great China . Tina’s Words: Ppl in love must cling to each other. Living apart would harm relationship. My Words: You can tie up w/ your love’s body by asking him staying w/ you, can you tie up his mind / heart? If the heart sways away, so would the body. Therefore, nothing would be in your hand if you tend to tie it up and hold it in your small palm. Set it free in a world of peace and trust. So we have this: Tina suddenly called up close friends for a dinner discussion without her husband’s presence (they are one year wedded) : Topic: whether to let her husband to accept a new job offer in another city (Shenzhen), 2 hours drive away fm their residing city Zhuhai? Better prospect there: 3 times salary, higher post, one year study in Germany, challenging work, wider vision…Still, they can see each other on weekends. The husband surely wants to go, as a guy, he surely chooses CAREER than loving his wife everyday by living together in a same bed. Moreover, better career means better money for better life of family. He is not working for himself but for the family and its future building as well. (does Tina notice this?) But Tina is opposed to it. She worries that it would definitely harm the marriage, quoting that 40% of Chinese couples living apart divorced, because there are lots of temptation filling the rooms during couple’s separation (she ignores the fact that temptations are everywhere even in their same city) She also placed a question: I’ve got married and supposed to have a husband to keep company to do many things together. I want him to accompany me for dinners. I hate eating alone. A simple but critical point for her, as she stated. Don’t misunderstand her as a dull lady. She’s ative. Her problem is that she needs to feel the husband’s existence, in order to secure her own uncertainty. But maybe I am bitchy to say so: she has her simple need and want it fulfilled ‒ keep me company, eat w/ me- so simple. Guys, do you know? We gave our opinions. But we scared her to the degree that she warned us not to tell any to her husband. That meant, she failed to get some support to favor her own anti-idea. Male’s voice: ” Go! Go! Go! “ One said like this, “living apart could be more romantic, you two could share love on phone.” And a joke, “if there’s no problem in yr relationship, it would be as form as living together; if there’s already problem, then living apart makes it arising faster, good for you not to waste more time w/ him.” Tina laughed helplessly. I know, her husband a mid-30 young guy, he would no doubt choose further development in career and love his wife in his way. If Tina makes opposition, he would stay as a Chinese husband showing the faith and respect to his wife. But it would hurt. I am always bad to point out facts what ppl like cover up. I told Tina she merely had fear and unconfidence in the marriage. I said Love means free and quality time better than quantity of time. But she kicked me back and accused me of never loving anyone. “You certainly desire to stay every minute to as much as you could w/ the one you love.” Some women like her “who have ever loved” mercifully tell me this truth again and again. And Looking into their sincere eyes w/ big pity and question mark, in that minute I shook myself: really? I’ve never been in love?) But I doubt: you can tie up w/ your love’s body, can you tie up his heart? If the heart sways away, so would the body. Therefore, nothing would be in your hand if you tend to tie it up and hold it in your small palm. I favor davinci’s formulation: what this couple, as well as ppl in love and in marriage need is: A world of peace and trust. Details pls visit his Astonishment post: How to choose your love. (My thanks to davinci, a provocative thinker on Chinese FriendFinder blog, for letting me quote his post without asking his permission 
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voo-do. You speak of mutual respect in love relationship. I'll tell them. Mint She cant as she work for government and cant shift. I do think they living apart and seeing on weekend may refresh the relationship.
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HeartDesire. Thanks your sophiscated opinions. Seems I am naive as i never was in their shoes. (sigh)
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