| Blogs > swallowtsui > Hopping Swallow 鍋爐焰焰 |
|
Men, do you like to get women's attention and be chased by women? No more than yes? Not surprised to me as you confirm to Einstein. Below is Einstein's feelings towards women's attention, quoted fm BBC Einstein Letters Revealed Love Life: ------ He openly discussed his affairs, saying that women showered him with "unwanted" attention. In one 1931 letter to Margot, Einstein complains about one of his conquests, a Berlin socialite: "Mrs M" - Ethel Michanowski - "followed me [to England], and her chasing me is getting out of control. "Out of all the dames, I am in fact attached only to Mrs L, who is absolutely harmless and decent." ----- Guess his views are commonly shared by men even today, who want to direct the love course: as to shower attention, control and conquer women. If women take initiative and do all these to men, they would feel uncomfortable and threathened. As put by Einstein, "harm and not decent." Some men friends apparently declare they prefer passive women with decorum. Why men can deliver women roses, propose for dating and express love while women are expected to wait for men doing such to them instead of doing such to men? Laugh. In my 20s, I delivered secretively roses to a man's door in night, and sent him concert/performance tickets (one was a ballet Beatles), and some thing that my brainless head deemed suitable. Surely it was not appreciated and scared the man away. Well, a furious expressing girl. Today, you guess it, would I do this again? Then, what? We wait to be showered by men's attention and chased by them? Decent way? A Cantonese saying: a curtain lies there for men chasing women; a mountain lies there for women chasing men. Maybe later share some power of a woman's chasing, men? no, women. |
|||
7/13/2006 3:21 am |
Swallowtsui, I’ve looked forward to the pleasure of chatting with you. This is just my second month on the site and the entries in which I might have contributed had already moved on. I like the way your mind thinks. Most men seem to be afraid of a woman being openly expressive in the same way as a man. Or maybe the right quarry has yet to come along or maybe has not quite evolved? I suppose my packaging doesn’t help. I look human but when my feelings unfurl judging from the reaction of most men so far I am in fact... a terrifying giant alien cockroach. I don’t appreciate generic gifts myself like chocolates or flowers; I’d rather not receive them and say so. I put a lot of thought in unconventional dates to spend time together, instead of sitting down to formal dinner. Later, if I know the person better, gifts to match the quirks or interests I’ve observed, usually hard to find books or artwork. However, almost unequivocally I must admit I haven't met a man I liked who returned the gestures in kind. In anthropology, gift giving is a kind of symbolic violence, an arena for one-upmanship. Did I throw down a gauntlet, a challenge that they just didn't want to pick up? I feel quite insulted when a gift is just an expression of a man’s wealth. A man who describes himself as "laidback" or "easygoing" and says “Whatever you like” is the perfect anathema to me, only suggests laziness, lack of genuine interest and consideration.
| ||
7/13/2006 7:29 am |
I used to chase a guy by giving him flower. He immediately jerked away. Guessed thats not bad for my first attempt lolz. Anyway, taught me a lesson about men: They may/may not like u even if you take/not take the first move on them. I have been stalked by guys before. It is scary and insecurity (the best way to describe my feelings at that moment). I believe even guys would love to have women respect their privacy (vice versa). I am same with Miss E. Generic terms doesnt attract me. (I worked part time for many years in flower shops. Seeing flowers, teddy bears, chocolates everyday! Kinda boring). I prefer short vacations, sports, opera or a good book to read. Conclude? Its 21st century, everyone is equal. Women and Men can feel freely express their love and courting each other. Who make the first move is not the most important thing. Its how you go through the whole courting/dating process (the journey).
| ||
7/14/2006 5:35 am |
davinci2rinpoche replies: I'd say that, even if things change, men are not used to be hunted and they feel better in the hunters' shoes. So, if a woman goes that far as to show to a man she wants him, he may think that it is a very serious endeavour. If he accepts, he thinks he must commit himself to develop a serious relationship. And he may not want it, or he may not be ready... Saying no is thus a proof of respect. Because, as we all know, men will usually not say no to a simple flirt or a one-night stand... Your Holiness, Tashi Delek, greetings and salutations, reverent full body prostrations, another blogger with whom I haven’t yet had the pleasure. Your posts are always turgid full of ideas which I tell myself I should come back to reread in order to better myself as a sentient being. But I hardly do, lol. Please forgive the p*ss-take, mostly at myself anyway, because I was married to that community once. I wished you hadn’t confirmed my worst fears about men. I always wondered what all that was about when they roll over and play like a dead pangolin when I’m just trying to make things more interesting. Perhaps some clever lawyer should invent a dating version of a pre-nuptial. Why can’t men graciously accept and revel in a no-strings compliment of a woman’s admiration and attention? So, men do prefer to woo dead fish. But I don’t wanna go out with a dead fish-boy myself. Give-and-take both ways, why is it so hard? Grrrrrr. I once slept with a delectable young man the first night we met at a mutual friend’s Shabbat party. Er, after we had made our excuses and left the party first. (He initiated, a 20something year old hottie throwing himself at me, of course I couldn’t refuse.) He went into hiding when I rang the next day just to thank him for the wonderful evening. He eventually resurfaced after three days and returned my call, because he had been brought up to, lol, in semi-hysterics saying he wasn’t “ready to get serious”, LMBAO. This from a newly discharged soldier who had fought in the Gaza Strip frontline. I told him to relax and happily hung up. Things went back to the expected equilibrium when I ignored him for weeks until he turned up at my door in the middle of the night. Men! Sheeeeesh.
| ||
|
DVC: If he accepts, he thinks he must commit himself to develop a serious relationship. And he may not want it, or he may not be ready... Saying no is thus a proof of respect. Because, as we all know, men will usually not say no to a simple flirt or a one-night stand... Swlw: Can there be a buffer zone btw serious relationship and casual one? Men, simply no humor. EM: Give-and-take both ways, why is it so hard? Grrrrrr. Swlw: EM, very good quizz! But it can only be realized when both sexes are in equal standing, thinking, etc. Very provocative discussion. Thank you all. Though I am tied up by work, a few lines: Men has the general fear of commitment. But the "committing" is only their illusionary mist. They merely underestimate women's strength and strip off their power of possible felicity by speculating their commitment to women. What commitment? The most and first is to share time, enjoy time? To Commit without committing this, an empty word!
| ||
|
BTW, dont you know a minor ethnic community living in Kulu lake area in Yunnan, China? They have upheld matriarchy for thousand years, practising Walking Marriage, actually, no contractual marriage exist but formatic - women choose their men for love/sex and test them for a period, if found satisfactory, they maintain the relationship, if not, they find some other men. What's fun, the men must come to women's house in midnight but must leave b4 dawn - cant stay and dont live together! If they have children, the women feed and educate. This nuptial style sounds very much! The only dreamland that women exercise their appropriate right and commitment and never are played down.
| ||
|
Who wants to go there with me? 
| ||
7/14/2006 10:02 pm |
Yes, the Yi minority, one of the world’s only truly matrilineal (as opposed to matriarchal) societies. As you might be able to tell, I’ve given the subject a little thought before, lol. I kind of have those kinds of arrangements but that still lets men off the hook too easily. We’ll get closer to a women’s utopia when a national service is instituted, where instead of learning how to dissemble rifles and kill a man in hand-to-hand combat, men have to attend social graces lessons, conversation and flirting skills, play at least two musical instruments, art appreciation, mind read, know without being told how to keep a woman’s scotch well-iced and assorted nut bowl constantly and unobtrusively replenished, flick up a light and offer it with a beguiling smile as soon as I pat myself down for another cigarette, whip up a fine or at least edible meal with no notice from nothing in the fridge… and the like. Geisha school for boys.
| ||
7/16/2006 2:20 am |
Your Holiness, You misread me slightly. Of course I take my kicks, celebrate the richness in small things wherever I find them, or else I’d have whittled away to nothingness long ago. Life is too HUGE and interesting to be bogged down by something as perpetual as sexual differences. I’m just wondering why is it that while I’ve had to evolve, morph in less than 10 years to “wearing the trousers” in the house, become sole breadwinner, single parent, AND still retain all the values of “femininity”, guile, charm, NURTURANCE, that society has burdened me with, in all that time most men have not yet crawled their reptilian selves out of the primordial soup, are still wallowing about being only 'men'? I did say “most”. I can fill all of these roles, of compassionate Madonna, wanton whore, food gatherer, game hunter, court jester, melancholic minstrel, wandering scholar, embattled warrior, dryad that dances to a watery moon, all at once in shimmering unpredictable turns to one man, is it really too much to expect him to be all of these to me too? ... Sorry, there was a confusion of terms back there. The Yi are indeed one of the few truly matriarchal societies, not just matrilineal, which I think the Minangkabau are and other societies we somewhat erroneously label matriarchal. That example of the young man of the Yi minority must have been an isolated case of abuse. A bunch of bullies ganging up on someone who dared to stick out. You’ll find them in any society. Just because they happen to be women from a progressive matriarchal society does not excuse them for being sheep. Why was the man so browbeaten so quickly anyway by just a few jeers or even the system as a whole? It’s not as if women everywhere else haven’t had to fight social censure and injustices at least equal in magnitude to his. Besides, anthropological docudramas like other wildlife documentaries can and almost always have to be rigged, framed, cropped, tightly edited in all sorts of ways to make better TV. Matriarchies are NOT the mere reversal of patriarchies! What makes them attractive, and conversely repugnant to patriarchs, secret or rampant, who refuse to see that they are anything but, is their search for a new philosophy, and a more egalitarian way of life. They may have their regulations but unlike patriarchies these do NOT entail domination of one sex over the other. The natural differences between the sexes are respected, honoured and accepted as complementary of the other. Matriarchal societies are more subsistence economies, less self-, goods-, ego-, status- centred than patriarchal ones.
| ||
7/17/2006 7:02 pm |
Your Holiness, Just winding you up. Information can be manipulated or omitted to suit any argument. Dissatisfaction exists in any society, including matriarchies which is why they are fraying at the edges at least and is the reason for the failure of communalism. Women in such societies are not sexually promiscuous, just that there is not the same senseless hypocritical attachment to legal unions of the Christian paradigm, and they practice varying degrees of polyamory, or serial monogamy.
| ||
|
so question therefore is what role would men play?? gourmet, What role men and women like to play? to play alone? or play together? These should be added to your question. DVC The more informative (despite good or bad, wrong or correct), the more imcomprehensible is our heart. In this information society, human made no progress but backwardness. EM Suppose the long-practised monogamy system is a mistake that causes all the inner-, inter-, extra-, marriage problems?
| ||
|
HD, Maybe women prefer to be loved more than to love, and, men, on the contrary? Btw, a man, even he likes the woman and her attention to him. He usually pretends he doesnt like, bcoz a woman braves the chasing abnormality may look harmful to him. Agree?
|
