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Salutations, Courtesy and "I Love You" Many years, when I started my life journey in the USA, I was in a little southern town for my study. Every where I went, I was called “Sweetheart” or “Honey”. In stores, in school, I was nicely called by all “strangers”. Did I know those people? No, people were just being kind and “sweet” to everyone. OK, don’t take “Honey” or “Sweetheart” for personal. The sweetness in salutations was so different in China, where if you call a stranger “Honey” or “Sweetheart”, the person would stare at you and said “Are you insane?” After the “sweet place” of south, I came to New York for pursuing my career. Wow, big city, people so “cool”, actually, I should say “colder”. Once a while, I heard strangers calling me “Honey” or “Sweetheart”, those people were much older generation; most of time I was called “Ms” or “Ma’am”. Alright, let’s keep a little distance. In China or Hong Kong, where two placed I lived in East, at workplace, the subordinates call their bosses with “Mr/Ms + last name”. When I started my first job in the US, it took me a long time to call my boss by first name. Now, I have used using the first name calling almost everywhere, except doctors or judges, or someone has big title, such as Mayor Bloomberg, President Bush ‒ I guess. “I love you” people always say, but it doesn’t really mean “LOVE”. I like to sign off personal or semi-personal letters with “always love” or “love”, it doesn’t mean “LOVE” as the definition on this website. Most time with my trillion business e-mails, I sign off by “Best Regards”, of course, no “LOVE” no Personal, only “Have a nice day!” to some close associates. As you can see, people like to keep distance ‒ so called “being professional”. Yes, now, I am very professional one ‒ LOL. Ironically, it has been so hard to use A.F.F. defined “Love” in a relationship. An episode of “Sex and the City” has such story about saying “I love you” to a date. I totally I understand ‒ heart opening would be vulnerable to potential hurting. It’s easy to say “I love you”, when “Love” doesn’t not mean “LOVE”. When “Love” means “LOVE” in a relationship as we defined here on A.F.F., it takes a while to have such feeling saying ‒ it seems like a race with nobody wants to be the first one. I admit I am mentally blocked to use the phrase in a relationship. So, in America, don’t take personal if people call you “sweetheart’ or “honey”; people will be perfectly fine if you call them by first name, always say “Excuse me” and “thank you”. Sometimes, “love” doesn’t mean “love”, if someone tells you “I love you”, just believe it ‒it takes courage to say it loud. Have a wonderful weekend! Love always, Caragh 
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5/20/2006 7:12 am |
Wonderful and thank you for speaking up, and making it so nicely understandable. you're a sweetheart, and a dear and love honey, you are. whom I can safely say, I love you, 
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Dear Caragh: Asian and American cultures are do different and how one expresses themselves. True love is love that is expressed and felt in your heart. Bu don't forget, actions always speak louder than words. -Russell
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Hi, Russell: After reading your blogs, I know that you've been hurt by your previous loveone. Here are my questions for you: 1) Do you think you've recovery from the hurting? 2) Have you told a girl after your previous one "I Love you"? 3) Do you think your heart is open to accept another woman? 4) Do you still feel in love or miss your previous lover? I know the above questions are kinda personal, you don’t have to answer any of them. I’m just curious. Take care, Caragh I always enjoy reading your posts and look forward to all the responses. In response to your questions for me: 1) I think as time goes on the pain gets less and less and will eventually go away and fade into memory. Friends and family have been extremely helpful and very supportive. I do think that I am stronger as each day goes forward. 2) No, I've been just working on myself and doing a lot of reading (not just blogging)to understand more about relationships and love. 3) I think if the right person comes into my life I am ready to take a chance and love again (isn't that a song?  lol) My heart will tell me when that is.4) Of course I do, if I responded differently then I wouldn't be honest with myself or with you. But I do accept the reality of my current situation and have moved on. I can forgive but I cannot forget. I don't mind discussing more in depth if you can drop me an email. Your current settings prevent me from sending you an email. Best Regards, Russell
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caragh, Sometimes "honey' or "sweetheart' are address to much younger age as kids...sounds fresh but definitely with out malice if the concerns are ,immediate family members, relatives, close associates or even friends... "I love you" only depends on whom the words were pertain to, much different with "I want you","I like you" or the colloquial " I dig you"...A good example is a kid to her mom, both can say those words of endearment...but to speak of it with urge or want, it naturally falls to the category of mutual partners with understanding... nice post!
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Cara By your love always in the end of this post, seems you've totally melt into American culture. Yep. Chinese are very mean at giving off "sweet" words and "honey' words. Girls are even taught to be wary of them. But if we say it, we mean more than westerners who use it as a common good-will greeting, do you agree? Guess would be very interesting if someone start a post abt stories "when you say I love you", and commentators contribute their own stories and experience. Will you do that? danvici
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Russell: Thank you for honestly answering my questions in public. Being a standard member, I can't send e-mails on this website. However, the blog space has been providing me enough space to communicate with you and many other people. I appreciate your understanding. In my opinion, it's already a blessing if you have experienced "true love" once in your life time, because not so many people have such experience for their entire life. I believe the feeling with this person is more important than the person her/himself. Keep the feeling and move on. Many times, what we are looking for is coming out from totally unexpected events! Good luck and my best wishes to you! Your thoughts ring true, I am very fortunate to have felt this "true love" once before, but I know that in my heart I will experience this feeling again with someone else ("the one") because I have too much love to offer someone for this not to happen again. I truly believe this. Thank you again for your concerns and well wishes. -Russell
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