Fear and Courage
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Posted:Jul 29, 2006 1:39 am
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2007 12:50 am 6199 Views
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1. Fear
Last night I swam in a terrace swimming pool, while out of a sudden it rained. Here a little boy was drowned dead last summer. I was swimming alone and only me there. Rain struck on my skin and i felt something haunted. So I dared not swim to the deep side though i was quite able to.
It was fear seizing me. Fear is always imagined, not materially existed. How often are we seized by it and other imagined negative emotions? If you surrender like me, do you know you have push away some opportunity?
2. Courage
It needs courage to help, when helping means risking, especially in a deteriorated society where there are lots of cheatings under a vulnerable cover.
Last time, at a decent neighborhood in Zhuhai, boy approached me w/a pc of paper. W/ a flash of cheating boys making up bitter story then asking for money help, I immdly said, "sorry, I have no time." By so doing I didnt take any risk.
Last night, a strange woman in her 40s came up to ask us, me and my gf, abt how to take bus to the 3-lamp street. She spoke w/ absurd accent. she claimed she couldnt read Chinese. But based on her age and China's social process, she should not be illiterate. Everyday on Macau radio audiences phone in to tell street cheating stories of fabricated plots - being lost and no money to go home.
Suspiciously, we still concluded we shant brush aside our obligation to help. We summoned her onto the bus and entrusted her to the driver. She stood near the driver and we moved to the rear. She rattled her bag. Ooops. She even didnt have 2.50 Macau dollar. A man nearby paid for her. Well, quite close to cheating scenarios! We talked low. I said she looked so worried and innocent that she might be one of the newly-arrived illegal domestic workers searching for a job here and there. My friend said cheaters had rather good talent of performance to trap ppl. The woman still stood w/ worried look and looked around. Hunting?
Later my friend off, left me there approaching my stop. "Shall I remind the driver her destination? Guess nobody would understand her speaking." I was in dilemma. To do so, I had to moved up to her and risk of being cheated. Internal twists. Finally I took the courage to go up and tell the driver, while the driver answered back by grumbling, "Take her there by yourself!..."
Yes?! The whole-hearted help should be that. But I was not courageous enough to do so due to horrific social reality. In fact, the woman never raised any extra help to us. A psycho-crime to impose such a cheating image on her?
Miserable when we need courage to help but not helping by instinct! and the social trust crisis in China.
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Dont believe#1 Reading is not believing
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Posted:Jul 28, 2006 3:22 am
Last Updated:Sep 19, 2006 7:49 am 6266 Views
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We think we live history if we happen to live within a specific period when some great historical events happened.
We think we know about the truth in this information explosion era.
We think we can tell the true fm the lies with our clear, pure mind and eye, probing into the many sources of information.
Dont believe in what you read, especially those claim to reflect the truth - history books, biography, news. In fact, history is written by persons in the know to who dont know; biography by a flattery critic to who dont criticize; news, incl. photos and pictures are censored by the ruling group to their ruled, by the marketing officers to their consumers. See how their rhetorics are:
Nanjing incident, actually, Nanjing massacre.
Iraq war, actually, it's American invasion to Iraq.
Terrorists, actually, men/women who fight for their national ideal and the right for existence/livelihood.
Israel Offensive in Lebanon?, actually, it's Israeli invasion to Lebanon.
...more, more...
Too boring? OK.
If you are reading a love letter fm a woman, dont believe in what she writes throughout the letter, pls only pay attention to the p.s. line, and, believe me - this is her true words.
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To Live and to Die
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Posted:Jul 22, 2006 12:33 am
Last Updated:Nov 12, 2006 6:17 am 5964 Views
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Right after awakening fm a short noon nap, I gravely felt "Life is in despair."
Came across two lines fm "A Catcher in the Rye", something like a man's declaration:
"An immature man is willing to die heroically for some cause; a mature man is willing to live humbly for some cause."
Few will die heroically but many live humbly, mature or not, with or without cause, incl. me.
p.s. Cause here refers to Undertaking,career,pursuance. A translation fm Chinese, who knows the originals, pls tell me.
pic. Zhang Daqian - Playing w/ Dragonfly
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Life, or Virtue?
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Posted:Jul 22, 2006 12:10 am
Last Updated:Aug 6, 2006 7:04 pm 6398 Views
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A controversy among Chinese netizens referring to a true case - a 22-y-o Chinese girl fought alone w/ to her death in a deserted location.
What's more important and cherished, life, virtue or (sex) dignity? What's best reaction to sexual assault?
A glimpse into the clash btw traditional virtues and modernism in today's Chinese society:
Source: chinadaily
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Female online writer Chen Lan recently claimed "fighting against a sex offender, even risking one's life, is a disgrace to the human race." Her comments have created a fierce debate throughout the online community.
Chen's comments reference a heartrending homicide case in west China's Gansu Province. A 22-year-old girl risked her life fighting a who stabbed her in a rage and chopped her body into pieces afterwards.
The girl's tragedy evoked indignation along with great sympathy among netizens but some others criticized the victim's impulsive actions. But Chen Lan went further saying women who resist sexual assault at the cost of their lives are wrong.
"I think being critical of my comments is to be expected," Chen said. "But I just feel the some men, who advocate women defending themselves, subconsciously believe that a woman who has been is damaged goods. So they believe even if it costs her life, a woman should fight back against violent sexual assault."
"Following this logic, in the case , the woman's right to live is actually inferior to a man's right to have an undamaged wife," Chen wrote.
From a legal angle, Chen wrote, at the moment when a female victim starts fighting against her assaulter, she is no longer protecting her own rights, but is protecting the rights of her man.
After posting such controversial words, Chen has brought about strong reactions from online critics, who support her, are against her, or even attack her personally.
A post read there is "nothing more important than life; a person who cherishes life should not pass away in such a humiliating way. "
"Managing to get by swallowing insults is a choice, but those who treasure their body and dignity more will win my respect," a post against Chen's arguments read.
Some others are critical of Chen's views concerning the sexual relations between men and women.
"Is there any direct relation between the two? No! At least, we women should protect ourselves from sexual assault. Young lady, your stand sounds extreme, really," writes one netizen.
Nevertheless, most netizens take a neutral stance, saying whether or not the girl defends herself should be based on the situation.
A netizen named 'bird in hometown' commented that one can only enjoy life if one is alive, however for women who have lost their dignity life may be no better than that of an animal, and not worth living.
Others' comments do nothing but rub salt into the wounds of victims and their relatives, a netizen called 'Born after 1990' wrote.
In answer to comments that said that tolerance of sexual assault is a way of saying yes, Chen claimed sex crimes are not the result of non-resistance but incorporate many elements including poor public security, rate of unemployment, and low education levels.
"It is ridiculous to say that resisting is a disgrace," Jin Zhanliang, a Beijing lawyer writes. " in China is a felony. It deserves a more stringent sentence than that given for a misdemeanor."
Jin said the online community should not lash out at but commend the victim's courage.
The lawyer said neither blind resistance nor tolerance is acceptable, for no one can predict the results of either action.
Effective ways to prevent sexual crimes are to raise women's awareness of self-defense and to provide related training like lectures on sexual assault prevention, he added.
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Chinese , Chinese Sister
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Posted:Jul 21, 2006 2:03 am
Last Updated:Feb 14, 2007 12:59 am 9217 Views
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As all other Chinese, I like to earn money. Today, no money, no security.
- Extract fm my private email to a friend.
"Build your own reality. The reality is on the table."
-Extract fm a philosophic dialogue w/friends
Originally, I put the title as "money, Responsibility". On a second thought, I change it as this.
I am terribly sorry for my own quick careless self-conclusion on money.I must correct here and declare to YOU and the world, "I dont like money, but I have to earn it."
First some true stories fm women I know.
She's 23-y-o,a newcomer to Macau fm nearby developed pearl river delta. She told me,"I have no time for self-improvement on this position. If I get a job pays more,I quit immdly. Now I am looking for it." A oldest of a widowed, unemployed mother,she has a brother working in internet bar who can support himself only, and a sister in university who she needs to support her expensive school fees. It's her, the and sister takes up the family responsibility. Her bro., 18-y-o,is exempted. She also didnt expect her sister would pay back her hard-earned money in the future. She seems to burden it solely and willingly.
She's 32. Since she worked, she have to support the parent's big family, incl. her older married bro's 3-member family. She paid to buy the apartment for them, giving monthly family fees to feed them, educate the nephew.The bro. looks like a shit,sometimes doesnt work at all and wait for his younger sister's sacrificed money.Friends told her to stop .She just smiled,a little willingly,a little bitterly.
Cases like these is numerous. Ridiculously,today Chinese society is ripping the daughters and sisters off. Parents work hard to earn their /sons houses/apartments, but giving nothing material (aha, but love) to their daughters. On the other hand, in addiction to inheriting nothing, the daughters and sisters must assume greater family responsibilities than sons and brothers. If a poor family have to decide on which should continue education and which to quit - they must let the girl stop shool to work to pay the boy's education.
The artist friend who always lecture us - me and another gf - to build our reality - an ideal reality that's different fm our current one which he disgusts - high level,free. He thinks we are slave of material. (Actually,we dont make money to buy gold,jewellery and property for our own use.) But what's he? A guy older than us but living on parents' money to set up the reality he likes. He,like many other western guys, has no responsibility for family. He has only himself and those philosophic "gems" that only he himself has the time and right to speak of due to his "free", responsibleless status.
Different culture, different values. We Chinese women also know philosophy and know how to enjoy life at its highest standard. But unlike you,Chinese sons/brothers, you have the deep deep spoilings fm parents who have lightened your burden and you seldom have any responsibility for siblings and parents. Unlike you, western sons/brothers,you uphold individualism. You develop yourself at full before marriage. After married, you only are responsible for your own small family. You have responsibility for your , but nothing for your parents and siblings.
We, we have. Our weak shoulder is a bit heavy. Is it bcoz we get good education or bad education??? Why we are not living merely for ourselves? My Chinese sisters? Why you say, "I have to do it willingly??
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Egg-flower
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Posted:Jul 18, 2006 2:54 am
Last Updated:Jan 9, 2007 2:27 am 6543 Views
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Last night, I passed by the egg-flower tree on a slope nearby where I live. In the alternation of Summer night's light and shade, the tree was quite luxuriant.
Ah, the egg-flower tree is still here but time has changed, a lot.
Last and last last summer, when egg-flowers were blossoming, exposing or hiding in the branches' leaves, we, my friend J and me stopped and took deep breath to absorb their fragrance. Then J rolled her eyes, "We can cook egg flowers into Chinese desert!" We really plucked some back home. We were cunning flower-pickers who thought if we didnt do it, their fate was to wither and drop to the ground. J cooked a very sweet and fragrant sugar water with these egg-flowers in my kitchen. Incredible taste and smell! She said it's very good for beauty.
J lived in same town w/ me and we had some good past good time. A soft woman in skin but prowess inside. Some friends viewed her as a dangerous woman but this would not hinder me. Both lost in the manifolds of life, long time I havent met J. But I know she is busy involving in her favorite things - going to exhibition, drinking coffee or travelling. I should call her later to ask, "will we cook again egg-flower desert?"
P.s. Egg-flower has 4-6 petals, the color is like egg-yoke.
pic. by Macau Photographer Kuong Iao Lam
**Afterwords:
I called J several times and finally got in touch w/her. Friendship needs some ordeals. If I didnt insist,who knows,we may have buried each other to time's barren hilltop. For she thought I had left Macau. Macau is very small but without appoitment I seldom meet friends/acquaintances in street and public spaces. Now she stops her restful life and works in a enigma-like cafe. "If you sneak out of office in the afternoon, come here join me, take some coffee snack, and have a nap on the comfortable couch." She also invites me to a Tibet trip. But...
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Women's History, the longer the more attractive?
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Posted:Jul 17, 2006 2:59 am
Last Updated:May 29, 2007 8:34 am 7751 Views
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Actually, if my memory does not go wrong, this was a script line spoken by Mae West in one of her most remembered movie. My translation fm Chinese, not exactly:
"Men are always interested in women with past history, because they wish history would be repeated."
A woman with history sure has more experience of life and love. Sure this will add to her charm and sexiness. But would she repeat history with a new man or man's one-side tale?
Reversely, does it mean woman of no history is unattractive?
Your ideas, please.
p.s. War, war, war... Israel vs Lebanon. Bush: self-defend! but caution abt the consequences. We discuss abt men/women relationship yet wars are never result of insufficient two sexes relationhip.
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Men, do you like to get women's attention and be chased by women?
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Posted:Jul 13, 2006 12:33 am
Last Updated:Jul 24, 2006 2:17 am 7573 Views
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No more than yes? Not surprised to me as you confirm to Einstein.
Below is Einstein's feelings towards women's attention, quoted fm BBC Einstein Letters Revealed Love Life:
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He openly discussed his affairs, saying that women showered him with "unwanted" attention.
In one 1931 letter to Margot, Einstein complains about one of his conquests, a Berlin socialite: "Mrs M" - Ethel Michanowski - "followed me [to England], and her chasing me is getting out of control.
"Out of all the dames, I am in fact attached only to Mrs L, who is absolutely harmless and decent."
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Guess his views are commonly shared by men even today, who want to direct the love course: as to shower attention, control and conquer women. If women take initiative and do all these to men, they would feel uncomfortable and threathened. As put by Einstein, "harm and not decent."
Some men friends apparently declare they prefer passive women with decorum. Why men can deliver women roses, propose for dating and express love while women are expected to wait for men doing such to them instead of doing such to men?
Laugh. In my 20s, I delivered secretively roses to a man's door in night, and sent him concert/performance tickets (one was a ballet Beatles), and some thing that my brainless head deemed suitable. Surely it was not appreciated and scared the man away. Well, a furious expressing girl. Today, you guess it, would I do this again?
Then, what? We wait to be showered by men's attention and chased by them? Decent way?
A Cantonese saying: a curtain lies there for men chasing women; a mountain lies there for women chasing men.
Maybe later share some power of a woman's chasing, men? no, women.
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Destructive Language
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Posted:Jul 11, 2006 4:13 am
Last Updated:Jul 21, 2006 8:41 pm 5860 Views
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Inspired by Zidane's sudden explosion prone to weakness and anger.
Language is very powerful. Positively, it can honey you, soothe you and support you. Negatively, it can hurt you, anger you and destroy you.
Destructive language hurts more than body insults and pains, which is physical only and dead. But destructive language is liken to dignity, dark memory, imagination. The string of destructive words is very lively and creative.
We must be aware of language's two sides and try to be immune to play down those destructive langueages.
Btw, Zidane proved he is a man, not a God. Let's be quiet.
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Tight but high - a short hop to recharge
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Posted:Jul 7, 2006 12:18 am
Last Updated:Jul 14, 2006 5:18 am 5857 Views
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Yep, excellent! It's worth it!
Macau's swimming pool becomes a tub. So I decided a short hop this morning - a 3 hours trip for a swimming recharge.
3 hours (7:30-10:30am), enough to do many things in an efficient but not hastening manner:
A cross Macau-China border river boat roundtrip.
Triple highway bus trips.
A motorcycle country road trip.
Across one country, two systems.
Across two islands.
Going out to the real world early really makes difference:
I viewed Macau fm boat - its coastline is a melee, w/ several casino monsters standing out.
In China, ppl start the day earlier. Farmer ladies bought their vegetable basket onto the bus; working girls chip-chatted in; old tan fishermen went home after morningtea in town. Passing the new-era rural area - winding green hills, fishing pond farms, starfruit, papaya, banana fields, I still could see Macau as a backgroud scene. How abt the ride on motorcycle? Cool, like a galloping in a moring field. Soft wind, sunshine...
Upon arrival, an old couple was already there leisurely. Kind of envious happiness. The greenish pure water, smiled w/ its sunny ripples. What's better than indulging in it and streched, performed all-out?
A long way for 30 minutes enjoyment. But worthwhile! Check at my red tan face and the whole body's smile. Hurry up, it would dissappear soon
For the best thing, we need to make long preparation and make a long journey to reach it, probably just for a short togetherness.
Will you still go for it?
pic. fu baoshi - winding dragon squatting tiger
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