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Two Statues in the Park 4/3/2000
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female,
faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from Heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues, " he announced to
them, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both
to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
29 Votes
,2.84 Score
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Bigger breast 4/3/2000
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys
her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she stands
in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.
One day fresh out of the shower, she was yet again in front
of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts our too small. Uncharacteristically,
the husband comes up with a suggestion, "If you ...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
19 Votes
,3.39 Score
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Rifle Shop 4/3/2000
A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his
rifle. He goes to a rifle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope.
The clerk takes out a scope, and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you
can see my house all the way up on that hill".
The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the clerk. "I see a naked man and
a naked woman ...
0 Comments, 10 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
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Deadly wife 4/3/2000
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease,combined
with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, yourhusband will
surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant,and make sure he
is in a good mood. For lunch make ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Conmpany's party 4/3/2000
A guy wakes up one morning with a hangover. Going downstairs
he asks his wife, "Honey, I know I made a fool out of myself at the company
party last night, so tell me what I did.""You got in an argument with
your boss." "Well, piss on him!" said the man."You did. He fired you."
said the wife. "Well, screw him!" said the guy.
"I did." said the wife. "You're back to work Monday."
0 Comments, 53 Views,
9 Votes
,3.43 Score
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50/50 4/3/2000
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at
McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink
cup. As he watched, the older gentleman carefully divided the hamburger
in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each
had half ofthem. Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra
cup and set that in front of his ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
8 Votes
,2.55 Score
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Friends 4/3/2000
(A)ccepts you as you are
( elieves in "you"
(C)alls you just to say "HI"
(D)oesn't give up on you
(E)nvisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)
(F)orgives your mistakes
(G)ives unconditionally
(H)elps you
( nvites you over
(J)ust "be" with you
(K)eeps you close at heart
( oves you for who you are
(M)akes a difference in your life
(N)ever Judges
( ffers ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
19 Votes
,5.63 Score
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Half sister 4/3/2000
One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and
said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married
to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name
is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, ", I have
to talk with you." "Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married
30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, ...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
17 Votes
,4.54 Score
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Sex in the Dark 4/3/2000
Jane was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence
that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions,
during a passionate evening, she flipped on the lamp--only to discover
a cucumber in his hand.Is this what you've been using on me for the past
10 years?!" "Honey! Let me explain!"
"Why you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotentSOB!!"
"Speaking ...
0 Comments, 45 Views,
26 Votes
,2.70 Score
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The difference between Potential and Reality 4/3/2000
A comes home from school with a writing assignment.
He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between
potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'lldisplay it to you.
Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redfordfor a million
dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep withBrad Pitt for a
million dollars. Then ...
0 Comments, 86 Views,
15 Votes
,4.51 Score
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The perfect gift 4/3/2000
A married man was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't
know what to get my wife for her birthday, she has everything, and besides,
she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."
His buddy said, "I have an idea, why don't you make up a certificate
saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants
it... she'll probably be thrilled."
So the fellow did. The ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
47 Votes
,3.02 Score
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Application to date my 4/3/2000
<br>
Name: Last___________First______________ M. Initial_______
Age______ Address: ________________________________County______________________
Religion: ________________________#Attendance's
in the Last Year_____ Parents: Father's Name________________#Marriages______#Years_________
Address________________________________________________
Mother's ...
0 Comments, 1154 Views,
12 Votes
,4.92 Score
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Firm up 4/3/2000
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his
wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed
this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable,
she thought herself better and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on thebreast and
said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid ...
0 Comments, 138 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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The Rules (male version) 4/3/2000
<br>
<br>
Rules that guys wished girls knew... 1. If you think you're
fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
<br>
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
<br>
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
<br>
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not queststo see if he
can find the perfect present, again!
<br>
5. If you ask a ...
0 Comments, 1500 Views,
10 Votes
,4.78 Score
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Emotional, physical and financial needs. 4/3/2000
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion
is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just
want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??"
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotionalneeds as
a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonightand he might
as well deal with it. So the next day the ...
0 Comments, 5 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Wedding Vow Bribe 4/3/2000
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the
pastor with an unusual offer.
"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows.When you get
to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor andobey' and
'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever, ' I'dappreciate it if
you'd just leave that part out." He passed the ministera $100 bill and
walked away ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
93 Votes
,7.37 Score
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Senior Travel 4/3/2000
A senior couple pulls up to a gas station:Attendant: How
may I help you? Old Man: Please fill it up.Old Lady: What did he say?
Old Man [yelling]: He asked what we wanted and I told himto fill it up.
Attendant: So, where are you heading?
Old Man: To Chicago to see our Grandchildren.Old Lady:What did he say?
Old Man [yelling]: He asked where we're going. I told himwe're going to
...
0 Comments, 249 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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Pan swatting 4/3/2000
<br>
<br>
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning,
peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and
wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
<br>
Man: "What was that for?"
<br>
Wife: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocketwith the name
Marylou written on it?"
<br>
Man: "Oh ...
0 Comments, 78 Views,
8 Votes
,2.09 Score
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Sperm bank 4/3/2000
A guy in a ski mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun.
<br>
"Open the fucking safe!" He yells at the girl behind the
counter. <br>
"But we're not a real bank." She replies, "We don't have
any money, this is a sperm bank."
<br>
"Don't argue, open the fucking safe or I'll blow your headoff." Demands
the guy with the gun. She obliges and once she opened ...
0 Comments, 1899 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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Anniversary 4/3/2000
A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary.
That night the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy
little negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband
and says, "Honey, Do you remember this?"
He looks up at her and says, "Yes dear, I do. You wore thatsame negligee
the night we were married."
She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you ...
0 Comments, 413 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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How to get rid of your date-fast! 4/3/2000
Have a horrible date you JUST can't get out of?
Realize mid-date that this guy/girl is the mayor of Loserville?
Rather than simply ordering expensive food, use one of
these steps and you'll never see them again...
*1* Guard your plate with fork and knife and act like you'llstab anyone
who reaches for it, including the waiter.
*2* Collect salt shakers from all the tables in the ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
14 Votes
,2.98 Score
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Fishing trip 4/3/2000
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her
husband's best friend. They have sex for hours, and afterwards, while
they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she
picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only
hearing her side of the conversation...
(She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm soglad that you
...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
8 Votes
,5.10 Score
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BETTY CROCKER 4/3/2000
This husband comes home from a hard day at work and his wife
says "Honey, can you fix the sink? It's clogged."
The husband is very tired and replies:"Who do you thinkI am, a Plumber?"
So, the husband goes on for the rest of the day without a singleword from
his wife. Right after dinner he gets asked again: "Honey, can you fix the
toilet? It is overflowing."
Now, obviously mad the ...
0 Comments, 243 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Men & Women 3/23/2000
<br>
Smart man + smart woman =romance
Smart man + dumb woman =pregnacy
Dumb man + smart woman =affair
Dumb man + dumb woman =marriage
<br>
A woman always worries about the future
until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until
he gets a woman.
...
0 Comments, 101 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Top 10 things women would do if they woke up and had a penis for a day 3/17/2000
The top 10 things women would do if they woke up and had a penis
for a day: <br>
<br>
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America
<br>
9. Get a blow job
<br>
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat
<br>
7. Pee standing up while talking to another man at a urinal
<br>
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently
...
0 Comments, 190 Views,
20 Votes
,4.15 Score
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Twins 3/17/2000
First guy says: I am married to a twin.
Friends response: How do you tell them apart?
First guy replies: Her brother has a beard.
<br>
By: Boa13
0 Comments, 311 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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