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Don't Step on the Ducks 6/28/2006
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have
one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all
over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
and although they try their best to avoid them, the first
woman accidentally steps on one.
...
0 Comments, 84 Views,
16 Votes
,6.36 Score
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Donkey & Onion 6/26/2006
What do you get when you cross a Donkey and an Onion?
Answer: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!!
0 Comments, 71 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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25 reasons why CHOCOLATE IZ BETTER THAN A MAN ;) 5/28/2006
No idea if this was posted or not. Watever, smiliezzzzzzzzzzz
Chocolate is rich,
dark & satisfyin
You're never disappointed when you
open the wrapper
Chocolate doesn't care how many pieces
you've had before
Chocolate always hits the ...
5 Comments, 152 Views,
22 Votes
,6.13 Score
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Le computer? La computer? 5/18/2006
Computers
A french teacher was explaining to her class that in French,
unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine
or feminine... 'House' is feminine - 'la
maison'. 'pencil' is masculine - 'le
crayon'. A student asked, 'what gender is 'computer''?
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class
into two groups - male and female. and asked ...
5 Comments, 155 Views,
19 Votes
,7.21 Score
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two English words 5/18/2006
A young boy went up to his father and asked
"What's the difference between potentially
and realistically?"
The father ponders for a moment, then answered "Go
ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for
a million quid and also ask your sister if she would sleep
with Brad Pitt for a million quid, then come back and tell
me what you learned.
"So ...
2 Comments, 116 Views,
14 Votes
,4.42 Score
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What Communication Problems? 5/9/2006
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends
when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh,
we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great
relationship, " the wife explained. "He was
a communications major in college and I majored in theater
arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I'm
listening."
0 Comments, 116 Views,
20 Votes
,3.76 Score
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The Wousy Bwind Date 5/9/2006
Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would
you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse. "I
want to get weighed, " replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds.
She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride
was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to
do. ...
1 Comments, 101 Views,
15 Votes
,5.12 Score
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A new couple 5/9/2006
The couple has been married only two weeks. The husband,
although very much in love, can't wait to go out on the
town and party with his old buddies.
"Honey, " says he to his new bride, "I'll
be right back..."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asks the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going
to have a beer."
"You want a beer, My Love?"
...
0 Comments, 107 Views,
15 Votes
,6.35 Score
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IT'S GOOD TO BE A WOMAN!!! 5/8/2006
IT'S GOOD TO BE A WOMAN!!!
We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious
gynecological disorder excuses.
Taxis stop for us.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
If we ...
1 Comments, 105 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
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Angel Face & Devil Figure 5/5/2006
Edna : Tom, you love my angel face or my devil figure?
Tom: ......I love your humor...
0 Comments, 228 Views,
7 Votes
,3.55 Score
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Riddles..! 4/30/2006
Who settled in the West before anyone else?
"The Sun"
*********************************************
What goes from Malaysia to Singapore?
"The Road."
********************************************
Three men stand under an umbrella but nobody gets wet. How
can this be?
"It is not raining."
*********************************************
What starts with "T" ends ...
1 Comments, 65 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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Some Great Cynical Answers to That Stupid Question: "Why aren't you married yet?" 4/28/2006
You haven't asked yet.
-Because I just love hearing this question, quick, ask
me again!
-Just lucky, I guess.
-Trade in my miniskirt for a minivan??? No way!
-Uh, check, please!
-My fiancee is awaiting his parole.
-It didn't seem worth a blood test.
-I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
...
0 Comments, 104 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Brains - Feminist Joke of the Millenium 4/27/2006
BRAINS
In the hospital, the relatives gathered in the waiting
room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally,
the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news, "
she said as she surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time
is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Math 101 4/25/2006
What is the square root of 69? 8 something.
0 Comments, 92 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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SPELLING 101 4/24/2006
WHY IS SEX SPELLED S-E-X? IT IS EASIER THAN TRYING TO SPELL,
O-H-G-O-D-I-M-C-O-M-I-N-G!
0 Comments, 98 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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ALCOHOL RELATED 4/11/2006
2 DRUNKS WERE WALKING DOWN SOME RAILROAD TRACKS."I
SURE WOULD LIKE TO GET OFF THIS STAIRWAY, " SAID ONE.
THE OTHER REPLIED, "I DON'T MIND THE STAIRS,
BUT THE HANDRAIL IS TO LOW."
WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN IRISH WEDDING AND AN IRISH
FUNERAL? ONE LESS DRUNK AT THE FUNERAL.
WHEN IS THE ONLY TIME A DRUNK TELLS THE TRUTH? WHEN HE CALLS ...
1 Comments, 96 Views,
8 Votes
,2.32 Score
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WALKING INTO A BAR 4/11/2006
1. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "GIMME A BEER,
AND A MOP.' 2. A penguin walks into a bar and says, "ANYBODY
SEEN MY BROTHER?" The bartender replies, "WHAT
DOES HE LOOK LIKE?" 3. A neutron walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "NO CHARGE." 4. A mushroom
walks into a bar. The bartender says, "SORRY PAL,
WE ...
1 Comments, 152 Views,
16 Votes
,1.95 Score
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A very desperate marriage 4/11/2006
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose
to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever
been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for
the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around
to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question.
So he calls her on the ...
1 Comments, 99 Views,
8 Votes
,3.94 Score
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Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence. 4/11/2006
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music
is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is
an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's
Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger
and two under the man's ...
7 Comments, 175 Views,
19 Votes
,5.76 Score
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Asking the Wizard of Oz 4/11/2006
President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton
all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival,
they were brought to see him.
First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone
says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart".
So the Wizard said, "So be it".
Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, "People
think I'm ...
2 Comments, 98 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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JOKE TIME.... 4/9/2006
3 brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu migrated to USA from China.
They decided to change their name :
Bu became Buck
Chu became Chuck.
Fu decided to go back to China .
Man : I want to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to
me in 6 months.
Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are very hard
to find!
Do you know why bra makers measure cup size by "A B C
D ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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THE PERFECT COUPLE .... 4/9/2006
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After
a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their
life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was
driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they
noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.
Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. ...
1 Comments, 239 Views,
29 Votes
,4.84 Score
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3 WISHES .... 4/9/2006
Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several
weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning
to lose heart.
Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful
genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes to
grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true."
Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was
in Las ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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MARRIAGE COUNSELING ..... 4/9/2006
After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to try counseling.
When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor
jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What
seems to be the problem?" The wife began talking describing
all the wrongs within their marriage.
...
0 Comments, 66 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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THE WHOLE TRUTH.... 4/9/2006
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very
easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole
truth" even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted
by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the
whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and ...
0 Comments, 51 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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A DEFINITE DEFINITION ...... 4/9/2006
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade
class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely"
and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without
a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with
the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back
raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is ...
0 Comments, 40 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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SHOCKING LETTER ..... 4/9/2006
A mother enters her 's bedroom and sees a letter
on the wall over the bed. With the worst premonition, she
reads it, with trembling hands: It is with great regret
and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my
new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with
all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle.
But is not only that Mum, I'm pregnant and Ahmed ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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ALWAYS THERE FOR ME.... 4/9/2006
This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of
a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside
every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for
her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You
know what? You have been with me through all the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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SPEEDY DIVORCE 4/9/2006
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph,
the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over
at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married
for 20 years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me
out of it, because I've been having an affair with your ...
0 Comments, 55 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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FIRST AID 4/9/2006
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of
a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions
while a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen
his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside,
and said, "It's all right honey, I've had
a course in first aid."
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's
pulse and ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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