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RELIEF FROM HOUSEWORK 4/9/2006
The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief
to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind
of day are you having?"
"Oh, Mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine
is broke, I've not been able to get out of the house to
shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around.
On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed
to have two couples over for ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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THEY DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING... 4/9/2006
A sweet grandmother telephoned Makati Medical Hospital.
She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone
who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear.
What's the name and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Marie
Mckay in room 302."
The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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CAT..... 4/9/2006
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat,
an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat
!... Now read it without the word cat ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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A Man and his Ostrich ..... 4/9/2006
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown
ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke, "
and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same, " says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be $9.40 please, " and the man reaches
into his ...
1 Comments, 308 Views,
36 Votes
,5.57 Score
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REDNECK ID 2 4/8/2006
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO ID A DEAD REDNECK? THERE ARE NO DENTAL
RECORDS, AND EVERYBODY HAS THE SAME DNA.
0 Comments, 48 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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REDNECK ID 4/8/2006
A POLICEMAN STOPPED A REDNECK, AND SAID "YOU GOT ANY
ID?" THE REDNECK REPLIED, "ABOUT WHAT?"
1 Comments, 68 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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The difference between theory and reality. 4/2/2006
A young boy needed help with his schoolwork, so he went to
his father."Dad, I have to explain the difference
between theory and reality for science class. Can you help
me?" The father replied, "Sure , I can help
you. go into the kitchen and ask your mother if she would
sleep with the mailman for 50 thousand dollars. Then I want
you to go upstairs and ask your sister if she would sleep
with ...
0 Comments, 106 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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A REAL EMERGENCY 3/30/2006
A Doctor was working late in his office, when suddenly his
phone rang. It was a hysterical woman, who cried, "Doctor,
come quick! My little boy just swallowed a condom!"
The doctor threw on his coat and started to dash out of his
office. The phone rang again. It was the same woman."Nevermind"
she said, "My husband found another one."
0 Comments, 55 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Tis an Irish joke 3/27/2006
An Irish man had just got a job at a construction site and
the boss gave him his first job to measure the hight of the
ladder.
So up he went with the tape measure but each time he went up
the tape measure kept on retracting. After watching him
for awhile the boss said to him "why dont you lay the
ladder flat on the ground and then measure it"
Where as the Irish man repied "dont be daft, ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Yo mama so fat, the whales sing 3/26/2006
Yo mamma's so fat, when she went to the beach, the whales
sang "We are family!"
0 Comments, 43 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Social Security 3/26/2006
A retired gentleman went to the social security office
to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's
license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized
he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was
very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
"I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Encyclopaedia Britannica 3/26/2006
Seen in my local paper's "readers sales"
section.
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica.
45 Volumes. Excellent condition.
?000 pounds or best offer.
Reason for sale:- No longer required.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows F**king everything.
0 Comments, 32 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Need Samples 3/26/2006
An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his
wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination
room, he tells the old man, "I need a urine sample,
a stool sample and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and
yells: "WHAT?"
"What did he say? What's he want?"
His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."
0 Comments, 38 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Poor guy 3/26/2006
A man escapes from prison
where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look
for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while
tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her
neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's
in there, the husband tells his wife:
...
0 Comments, 49 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Has technology changed YOU? 3/13/2006
1. If it's not microwavable, can you cook it?
2. When was the last time you played a card game with REAL
cards?
3. Have you ever talked with someone using Instant Messages
who was in the same house?
4. Do you 'keep in touch' with anyone by simply
sending forwards?
5. Ever use a cell phone to call the house from your driveway?
6. What about, to call ...
0 Comments, 54 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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The Spanish Computer 3/7/2006
The Spanish Computer
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish,
unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
She
explained,
"'house' for instance, is feminine: 'la
casa, ' but, 'pencil, ' however,
is
masculine: 'el lapiz.'"
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
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When is being comfortable, too comfortable? 2/25/2006
As a woman, if I am with my boyfriend, when during the course
of the relationship is it alright to become COMFORTABLE
in the relationship, and is it being too comfortable? Personally,
I don't think I am capable of finding a time where I can
naturally burp or worse, relieve myself in the presence
of my boyfriend. I just don't think there is a good time
for that- ever. Not even in ...
0 Comments, 250 Views,
9 Votes
,2.57 Score
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10 Of The World's Worst Pick-Up Lines 2/21/2006
Your eyes meet across a crowded room... the atmosphere
is charged with desire... you approach, cool and composed...
and knock 'em dead with a line like...
<br>
1. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
<br>
2. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house?
<br>
3. You have to tell me your name, because last night in my
dreams, I could only ...
1 Comments, 231 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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MUST READ Extremely Lame Pick Up Lines 2/21/2006
1. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go
back to my place and spread the word.
<br>
2. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom
floor tomorrow morning.
<br>
3. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
<br>
4. I like every bone in your body especially mine.
<br>
5. How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops
up?
...
1 Comments, 219 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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MUST READ = Comeback Lines 2 Pick Up Lines 2/21/2006
1. Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
<br>
2. Is this seat empty?
Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
<br>
3. Your place or mine?
Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
<br>
4. So, what do you do for a living?
I'm a female impersonator.
<br>
5. Hey baby, what's your sign?
Do not enter.
...
0 Comments, 240 Views,
7 Votes
,6.10 Score
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The FLU 2/14/2006
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties.
She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One
afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him
into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat
while she prepared tea.
<br>
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister
noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Ladies Night Out! 2/8/2006
The other night , a few friends of mine went out to this "Lady's
Club." One of the women wanted to impress us. So, she
pulled out a $10 bill.
<br>
The male dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the
$10 bill and put it on his butt. Not to be out done, one of the
other women pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back
over, licked the $50 bill, and put it on his other butt ...
4 Comments, 143 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Moods of a Man & a Woman 2/8/2006
Moods of a Woman
<br>
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But
will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house. Sour as vinegar,
sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll
win you in range, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger
than brandy, milder than ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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They Got My Girlfriend Too! 2/8/2006
Welcome to Auntie M's Classic Jokes.
<br>
Police Jokes
<br>
A man walked out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a
key in his hand. A street cop on his beat sees the guy and approaches
him. "Can I help you, sir?" said the cop.
<br>
"Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!"
the man replied.
<br>
The policeman asked, "Where was the car the last time ...
2 Comments, 103 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Doing 69 in a 35 Zone! 2/8/2006
A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very
busy area, when things started to get somewhat passionate.
So they decided to pull over and park and have some fun. Things
were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention
to what was going on outside.
<br>
All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window.
The cop could hardly contain himself. "Didn't ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Accountability & Reason 2/8/2006
I knew a man who was very butch but he wrote womens novels
for a living. He also used a pen name that was female.
<br>
I said to my friend, "You are one of the most macho sexist
people I know. How in the world can you be successful at writing
womens romance novels?"
<br>
My friend told me that it was easy! He said, "I write
like a man and just take away accountability & ...
0 Comments, 59 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
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Funniest / Most Embarrassing Dates.. 2/7/2006
Has anyone ever had a most embarrassing moment on a date..
something you said or did.. or something that your date
did that you remember and can't ever forget.. What
was it? Give us a laugh or two.. =)
<br>
..I'll start it off with one of my most embarrassing
dates.. I went through the whole date and then realised
at the very last minute that I forgot to zip up my mr.pip pocket ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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humor is m 2/6/2006
make it happen make it happen
0 Comments, 73 Views,
1 Votes
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JOKE FOR A DAY 2/3/2006
One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois
State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his
single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks
to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should
try that." Martha replies, "I know you want
to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money
is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. ...
0 Comments, 125 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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FREE JAPANESE LESSON FROM ME!!! 2/3/2006
Verb Nominal
"na"-nominals
Colors
Vocabulary
The verbal adjective should be considered a verb as it can
be used as the closing verb of a sentence. The verbal adjectives
also have all the conjugations normal verbs have save one:
the meireikei, or imperative form, which I mentioned briefly
in the last lesson.
The Rentaikei
The rentaikei of verbal adjectives occurs in the same ...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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