|
Smart Woman! 7/7/2005
Augusto had worked all his life, saved all his money, and
was a real
miser. Just before he died, he said to his wife, Maria, "When
I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the coffin
so I can take it all to the
afterlife with me."
<br>
And so Maria promised him, with all her heart, that when
he died, she would
put all the money in the coffin with him. Well, ...
0 Comments, 1416 Views,
14 Votes
,5.22 Score
|
|
Love & Marriage (quotes from the infamous) 7/6/2005
"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge
than to let him keep her." Sacha Guitry.
<br>
<br>
"There is one thing I would break up over and that is
if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand
for that." Steve Martin.
<br>
<br>
"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her
is his wife." Groucho Marx.
<br>
...
2 Comments, 1286 Views,
81 Votes
,5.93 Score
|
|
AFTER EFFECTS (Medical Joke) 7/5/2005
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged
farmhand as he set the man's broken leg.
<br>
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..." <br>
"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg
this morning." <br>
"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started
working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone
to bed, the farmer's beautiful came into
my ...
0 Comments, 402 Views,
9 Votes
,2.36 Score
|
|
Need a break from serious relationship? :) 6/29/2005
What Happens When You Fall In Love With
<br>
A chef? (You get buttered up.)
A chauffeur? (You get taken for a ride.)
A gambler? (He cheats on you.)
A telephone operator? (He gives you a phone-y line.)
A trashman? (He dumps you.)
A clockmaker? (He two-times you.)
A pastry cook? (He desserts you.)
A shoe salesman? (He walks all over you.)
An elevator operator? (He lets ...
1 Comments, 462 Views,
18 Votes
,2.31 Score
|
|
The Hikers 6/25/2005
The Hikers
<br>
One day, Bob, Joe and Dave were hiking in a wilderness area
when they came upon a large, raging, violent river. They
needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do
so.
<br>
Bob prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the
strength to cross this river."
<br>
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able
to ...
0 Comments, 271 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Lawyer questions 6/25/2005
Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.
<br>
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney
called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman
to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones,
do you know me?"
<br>
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a ...
0 Comments, 238 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
The search for Mr. or Miss Right 6/21/2005
The search for Mr. or Miss Right
can be an incredibly daunting task without the right set
of tools. Dating is an extremely fickle game.
What works successfully for one person may spell disaster
for another. With so many different types of people, interests
and dating obstacles, how can anyone feel anything but
helpless and lost when it comes to finding their perfect
future mate?
...
0 Comments, 122 Views,
4 Votes
,2.47 Score
|
|
rings u say?? 6/21/2005
in every reltionship, ,, a man has to prepare for the 3
rings...
<br>
1...engagement ring
2...wedding ring
3...suffer-ring
hehe....
0 Comments, 305 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
marriage..... 6/21/2005
on 1st year of marriage...
the husband talks, the wife listens
<br>
on 2nd year of marriage....
the wife talks, the husband listens
<br>
on the 3rd year of marriage...
the husband and the wife talks, the neighbors listen..
hehe....
0 Comments, 746 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Little Johnny Jokes 6/6/2005
One day little Johnny's teacher was trying to teach
about men's body parts.
<br>
When she get's to a picture of a penis
Little Johnny's hand shoots up most eager to answer
he starts to chant. " I know I know I Know my daddy had
two of those and I have one.
The teacher tries to correct little Johnny. " No Johnny
We are going to learn that every man and boy has one but only
one". ...
0 Comments, 301 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
|
|
He probably said I was...... 6/6/2005
Rookie cop pulls over a man for speeding. When He asks the
man for his license the man replies in a slurred voice. "I
was driving so damn fast cause I don't got one some fat
judge took it and called me a drunk too". The cop alert
now asks calmly, "Have you beem drinking sir".
Man again slurs, "bet your ass". The cop knows
he's got a real situation here but tries to keep it cool
and ...
0 Comments, 72 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
The seizure 6/6/2005
I walking down the street when a man comes out of his house
buck naked screaming for help.
I rush to help and he tells me it's his wife and urges
me to follow him.
We charge in a room with a pool table where the wife is on top
and naked and flailing away with her arms and legs. I was
uncomfortable but it was obvious she was having a seizure.
The man said he was a Doc and that help was on ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
2 Votes
,1.04 Score
|
|
Married Life 5/19/2005
It's a sad day or week!.. My co-worker resigned last
week and is moving his wife and his two year old to NC because
they bought a house down there. His wife had a from a previous
marriage that is an early with "problems"
he's going to start living with them. So he said he couldn't
stay and work here because it would be difficult to have
the with problems living with them in a small ...
0 Comments, 1124 Views,
1 Votes
|
|
MSG 5/15/2005
Jim Finn, the noted biologist, was stumped. He'd spent
months studying
the little green frogs in the Keefo swamp. The population,
despite all
efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming
rate.
<br>
Finally, Finn went to the chemistry department at his college
to see if
anyone there might be able to help. Tom Trom looked into
the problem and
came up with ...
0 Comments, 375 Views,
3 Votes
,1.47 Score
|
|
Don't Lie To Your Mother 5/14/2005
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal,
his mother
couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's
roommate was. She had long
been suspicious of a relationship between John and his
roommate and
this only made her more curious.
<br>
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she
started to wonder if there was more between John and the ...
0 Comments, 200 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
|
|
No sex tonight? 5/14/2005
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women
differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and
Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and
women with
their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were
getting
into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually
says "I don't feel ...
0 Comments, 419 Views,
6 Votes
,5.36 Score
|
|
Fairy and the married couple 5/14/2005
A Fairy told a married couple: " For being an exemplary
married couple for 25 years I will give you each a wish"
"I want to travel around the world with my dearest
husband" said the wife. The Fairy moved her magic
stick and abracadabra! two tickets appeared in her hands.
Now was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment
and said:
"Well....this moment is very romantic, but an ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
a strange friend from AFF 5/7/2005
I've looked for pure friendship on AFF for a long long
time. I hope I can have a foreign friend who can help me with
my oral English. Of course, I can also help foreigners with
many things. And foreigners need Chinese friends in China.
One day I saw the profile of Australian_Bo on AFF. I contacted
the man and the man came to Shenzhen to see me many times.
His name is Lang ...
1 Comments, 340 Views,
5 Votes
,1.19 Score
|
|
a strange friend from AFF 4/29/2005
I've looked for pure friendship on AFF for a long long
time. I hope I can have a foreign friend who can help me with
my oral English. Of course, I can also help foreigners with
many things. And foreigners need Chinese friends in China.
One day I saw the profile of Australian_Bo on AFF. I contacted
the man and the man came to Shenzhen to see me many times.
His name is Lang bo. Before he came ...
1 Comments, 362 Views,
5 Votes
,1.84 Score
|
|
The Worst (or Best) Country-Western Song Titles of All-Time 4/24/2005
The Worst (or Best) Country-Western Song Titles of All-Time:
1. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed
2. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing
you Goodbye
3. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
4. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
5. I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under
Me?
6. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
7. ...
0 Comments, 315 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
|
|
hehe 4/24/2005
Do you know?
<br>
Where there is a will, there is a way.
<br>
Love me, love my dog.
<br>
A friend in need is friend indeed.
<br>
Well begun is half done.
<br>
One boy is a boy, two boys half a boy, there boys no boy.
0 Comments, 408 Views,
7 Votes
,0.24 Score
|
|
Love is ..... 4/6/2005
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff,
eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and
never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first
place, you either married it or gave birth ...
0 Comments, 400 Views,
15 Votes
,3.44 Score
|
|
21 Advantages of being a Man 4/6/2005
1 If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
2 Everything on your face stays its original colour.
3 Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
4 Car mechanics tell you the truth.
5 Same work...more pay.
6 Grey hair and wrinkles only add character.
7 Wedding dress -- $2, 000. Tuxedo rental -- $75.
8 Phone ...
0 Comments, 370 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score
|
|
chinese sick days 4/5/2005
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no
come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache
and legs hurt, I no come work." The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really
need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell
her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go
to work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I ...
0 Comments, 751 Views,
19 Votes
,4.18 Score
|
|
Machine Doctor 3/23/2005
One day a man was playing tennis when he hurt his arm. He dreaded
going to the doctor cause of the long wait and the large bill.
His friend told him of a new machine at the pharmacy called
Machine Doctor.
His friend told him to just place a sample of his urine and
10.00 in the machine and it would tell him what was wrong
and how to fix it.
Feeling that he had nothing to lose the man ...
0 Comments, 175 Views,
10 Votes
,3.98 Score
|
|
20 Reasons Why Women Are Luckier Then Men 3/19/2005
1. Men open doors for you.
2. You always beat men at Scrabble.
3. You will always be the first in line.
4. You can tell the difference been a real Louis Vuitton
and a fake.
5. You know how to control your internal gas.
6. You appreciate things with an Armani, Gucci, Hermes,
Chanel label.
7. You have average looks but are a knockout with makeup.
8. You can do three things that ...
0 Comments, 331 Views,
3 Votes
,1.96 Score
|
|
Sexy Professions 3/7/2005
Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel
for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of
by Dave the Bellboy.
<br>
The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their
room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses
are known to be hot to trot". The second man married
a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and
thought to ...
0 Comments, 387 Views,
10 Votes
,4.58 Score
|
|
Strict parents and smoking 2/23/2005
"I had strict parents growing up, " comments
comedian Judah Friedlander, "especially my dad.
When I was 10, I got caught smoking with my friend Larry.
My dad busted us! So, to teach me a lesson, he shot Larry in
the face. 'You see, , ' he began to lecture,
'smoking can kill.'
<br>
"A few years later, he caught me smoking again. I didn't
have Larry with me this time (for ...
0 Comments, 591 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
|
|
Et cetera 2/23/2005
Judah Friedlander once told a crowd:
<br>
I hate reading, but I love the word "et cetera."
You see it in writing a lot. But I like to use it in conversations
just to be a jerk! The look on people's faces is worth
it. For example, people will ask me, like, "Hey, what
are you doing this weekend?" And I reply, "Et
cetera."
<br>
You run into someone else, and they ...
0 Comments, 99 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
|
|
Let's here it for family values 2/23/2005
A little boy comes home from school and tells his daddy that
his homework that night is to find out the difference between
"potentially" and "realistically."
<br>
"Easy, " says the boy's daddy. "First,
go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mailman for a million
dollars."
<br>
The lad runs off, then returns saying, "She said yes."
<br>
Then the father ...
0 Comments, 245 Views,
23 Votes
,4.53 Score
|
|
