7 days of Laughter - Friday
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Posted:Nov 17, 2015 10:57 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2024 2:48 pm 151228 Views
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FRIDAY
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa .
'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.
High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.'
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7 days of Laughter - Thursday
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Posted:Nov 17, 2015 10:54 pm
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2015 10:55 pm 148528 Views
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THURSDAY
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
‘Your Honor,' she began coolly,
'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'
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7 days of Laughter - Wednesday
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Posted:Nov 17, 2015 10:42 pm
Last Updated:Nov 18, 2015 4:34 pm 146348 Views
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WEDNESDAY
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the , the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table....
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed, 'for me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
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7 days of Laughter - Tuesday
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Posted:Nov 17, 2015 10:38 pm
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2015 10:48 pm 139026 Views
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TUESDAY
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand.
He said, "Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a dam*ned fine sermon.
Dam*ned good!"
The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity."
The man said, "I was so dam*ned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering basket!" The preacher said,
"No sh*it? Well I'll be Dam*ned"
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Should your country accept Syrian refugees?
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Posted:Nov 17, 2015 6:05 pm
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2015 3:06 pm 137895 Views
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'One million refugees' may arrive in Germany this year
Vice chancellor says forecast of 800,000 may have been an underestimate as people continue to cross Mediterranean.
The above article was posted on 14 Sep 2015 11:50 GMT. Soon after, the Catholic Pope visited USA and Obama pledged to accept 10,000 Syrian refugees in 2016 due to "Humanity".
In the wake of Nov 13, terror attacks in Paris, U.S. 2016 Presidential candidates debated on the subject "Should USA accept Syrian refugees?" There are more than 2 dozens of state governors refused to take Syrian refugees to their states based on those refugees don't have "clean documents", "ISIS may infiltrate in the refugee crowd." The reasons are legitimate. How do you know who is good guy, who is evil? Almost all the Republican candidates refused to accept Syrian refugees for the sake of "security". California is one of the few states will accept refugees.
How about Canada, China, Australia, Russia and British accept Syrian refugees? They are all big countries. Chinese said No to refugee, Aussie promised to take 12,000 refugees. All the countries willingly to send "airstrikes" to bomb ISIS. France and USA already sent airstrikes, but coward ISIS said they are hiding among Syrian civilians, so no ISIS casualties. The question now "should we send Ground troops to Syria and Iraq?" Russian also sent "airstrikes" to ISIS because its commercial airplane had been shot down in Egypt land. ISIS admitted that was their missile hit the airplane down.
How long will this war to ISIS take? Where those refugees go? During WWII, the Germany was enemy, but now they are the most generous "humanitarians".
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My experience with religion
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Posted:Nov 16, 2015 12:52 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2015 11:01 am 121527 Views
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I was born and raised as a Catholic because my mom. Human being are influenced by parents in childhood. Catholic was a minority group of religion 60 years ago in Taiwan as majority were Buddhist/ Taoist (Buddhist/ Taoist are still the majority now in Taiwan). I remember I used to go to church on Sunday Mass and Christmas midnight Mass. During the Summer I also attended Catholic school to learn Bible and recite Rosary and so on.
Then I came to USA in 1980. I was busy to start a new language, new surrounding, new job, new life. I went to church less and less. I was full time job, then full time pharmacy student and part-time job. It was difficult but I was young and busy.
When my ex-husband proposed me and we went to Catholic church asked for wedding ceremony, but Catholic priest said my finance had to join Catholic first in order to get married with a Catholic girl. At that time, he needed to get "Green Card" fast from marriage, he couldn't wait that long. So, we went to Las Vegas to get married to get marriage license fast. Then we went to an Evangelical Christian church that full of Taiwanese 2 months later to have a formal wedding ceremony.
We went to that Evangelical Christian church almost every Sunday. The pastor said that church was rented from Americans to share time and space. We needed to have our own church to worship God. First, he asked us to donate money to purchase land. Then donate money to get construction. Five or six years later, the church was built.
I have had two , when they were very young. One day the pastor's wife told me "Your are very young, you need to save money for their education". She said she had an organization who was going to purchase 260 acre land in Lancaster and many church member already invested in that project. She wanted me to join minimum of $50,000 and I would receive "high interest" monthly. I joined $50,000 and told my mom to join another $50,000. She showed me a "Blue Print" that they were building church, apartment, shopping, ..... I had received 5 month interest payments. Then the head of the group took money and escaped to Asia. The total amount was estimated $136 - 142 millions. It was a "Ponzi scheme". Many church members invested lifetime saving were gone.
We called the pastor's home but no answer. First the pastor's wife said she only got commission, she didn't know that her boss took the money. Then she pretended she was crazy and in hospital. The pastor had been "fired" by church. Then they both disappeared. There was a meeting for all the victims attempt to get some money back, but no use. The money was all gone.
From that on, I started to disbelieve church. I look those real estate agents use Sunday sermon to find buyers and seller or doing their businesses.
As we grow older, we think "outside of box", I realize people use "religion" for their benefits. Most of my life (50 yrs) in religion, so many nature disasters, murders, massacres, ... happened but God didn't show up when we need him (her). Gradually I became an agnostic. Why people have to defense for god, or propaganda for religion? Tell your god to talk to me, until then I am an agnostic.
I know what is "Right", what is "Wrong" in life through years education. When I was a , I needed guidance. But if I don't know Right or Wrong by now (60), I have wasted my time on earth.
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7 days of Laughter - Monday
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Posted:Nov 12, 2015 4:49 pm
Last Updated:Nov 25, 2015 9:24 am 114212 Views
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MONDAY
The mother of a 18-year-old girl was concerned that
her was having sex...
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the
family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms....
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
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Jokes only seniors can understand REALLY GOOD ONES
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Posted:Nov 12, 2015 4:08 pm
Last Updated:Nov 13, 2015 7:08 am 114095 Views
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A man boarded a plane with six .
After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those yours?"
"No Ma'am, I work for a condom company and these are customer complaints."
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Linguistic contest ( difference in Complete and Finished)
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Posted:Nov 8, 2015 1:39 pm
Last Updated:Nov 8, 2015 1:42 pm 114190 Views
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No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED, and when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!”
He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!
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Weekend joke - Seniors' Shade of Gray
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Posted:Nov 6, 2015 7:07 pm
Last Updated:Nov 10, 2015 9:19 am 111031 Views
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After nearly 40 years of marriage, Charlie and his wife were lying in bed . . . Suddenly the wife felt Charlie begin to massage her in ways he hadn't done in quite some time . .
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back . . . He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach . . . .He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf . . . .Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg . . . .He continued in the same manner on her right side ....then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent . . . .As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice....“Honey, that was wonderful ....Why did you stop . . .?
To which he responded.... “I found the remote...
p.s. As a reminder, I am NOT the original writer of all the "Weekend jokes", so I am NOT responsible for them.
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