Weekend joke - Chocolate Calculator
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Posted:Nov 3, 2015 7:32 pm
Last Updated:Nov 9, 2015 4:48 pm 119036 Views
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Makes you hungry, but it is fun as the message below says.
I didn't believe it....tried it...it worked for me!
Magic….
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
Don't tell me your age; you'd probably lie anyway-but the Hershey Man will know!
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH
This is pretty neat.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute.
Work this out as you read.
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1765...
If you haven't, add 1764..
6... Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number
(i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2015) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.
Chocolate
Calculator
p.s. As a reminder, I am NOT the original writer of all the "Weekend jokes", so I am NOT responsible for them.
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Weekend joke - Medicare Part G
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Posted:Oct 23, 2015 3:02 pm
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2015 6:15 am 114290 Views
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Say you are an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself and the government says there is no Nursing Home care available for you. So, what do you do? You opt for Medicare Part G.
The plan gives anyone 75 or older a gun (Part G) and one bullet. You are allowed to shoot one worthless politician. This means you will be sent to prison for the rest of your life where you will receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating and air conditioning, cable TV, a library, and all the Health Care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They are all covered!
As an added bonus, your can come and visit you at least as often as they do now! And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can't afford for you to go into a nursing home. And you will get rid of a useless politician while you are at it. And now, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes!
Is this a great country or what? Now that you have solved your senior financial plan, enjoy the rest of your week!
p.s. As a reminder, I am NOT the original writer of all the "Weekend jokes", so I am NOT responsible for them.
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Weekend joke - Miscellaneous
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Posted:Oct 18, 2015 11:45 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2015 11:45 pm 114541 Views
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I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People now get out of the way much faster!
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If she is holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim.
I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet...
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grownup, it just feels like a small vacation !
The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
Teach your how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
Many times I think about the “here after” that when I walk out to hall closet and look in and I wonder “what I’m here after".
p.s. As a reminder, I am NOT the original writer of all the "Weekend jokes", so I am NOT responsible for them.
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When plastic surgery gone wrong
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Posted:Oct 18, 2015 12:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2015 9:45 pm 112076 Views
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Michael Jackson was a billionaire, Jocelyn Wildenstein is a billionaire. Look at them after plastic surgery.
I have confident about my appearance. I rather put my money on real estate/ stock market investments and traveling. I look much better than Michael Jackson and Jocelyn Wildenstein. I am much smarter. So, I don't give a shit about vijayan1. Do NOT look my profile again and again. My banker CEO likes me as much as 9 years and 4 months ago. He thinks I am 10 years younger than my actual age. I have reported vijayan1, but he is Gold member and I am NOT, so they didn't deactivate him again. I don't want to subscribe Chinese FriendFinder because too many scammers and idiots on this site.
vijayan1
Who cares about your resume on aff,I personally think that you are full of pride.Just be a ordinary lady.You think people here on Chinese FriendFinder give a shit of where you have been or what properties you have?You came naked to this world and you will leave naked! Thank you.
9/21/2015 6:54 pm
vijayan1
Nobody gives a shit about your profile! Go loose some weight and think about getting a plastic surgery!
9/21/2015 7:00 pm
vijayan1
Go lose some weight and at least get a plastic surgery!
9/21/2015 7:21 pm
He personally attacked me, humiliated me. I have blocked him from reading my profile, blogs, .... etc. but apparently Chinese FriendFinder is NOT working. I have changed my username, temporarily turned off my profile, but nothing worked. He still viewed my profile. Shame on him.
I have been on Chinese FriendFinder for over 11 years and for the first time been humiliated that I need a plastic surgery. Look at those billionaires who had many plastic surgeries, do they look good to you?
How I want to spend my money is my own decision. Do NOT harass or bully me.
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This insane Beijing traffic jam will make you thanksful for your commute
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Posted:Oct 8, 2015 9:04 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2015 2:34 pm 114603 Views
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With millions of Chinese motorists taking to the road at the end of the country's week-long National Day celebration, a few traffic headaches were probably to be expected.
But the gridlock that clogged the main highway into Beijing, the 50-lane-wide G4 Beijing-Hong Kong-Macau Expressway, on Oct. 6 was truly something else.
The expressway became congested with thousands of motorists after a new checkpoint caused traffic to merge down to 20 lanes, creating a bottleneck that backed up traffic for hours.
It is estimated 750 million people, or half of China's population, will be on the move during the National Day celebration between Oct. 1 and 7.
OMG, Look the "bird's eye" panoramic photos inserted.
The red roof area is the checkpoint.
What if the nature is calling?
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For your information....
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Posted:Oct 3, 2015 7:03 pm
Last Updated:Nov 7, 2015 2:57 pm 107094 Views
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All my weekend jokes are NOT mine. Those jokes are from my Las Vegas real estate agent. I am happened to be one of her and she put me in her emailing list, so every time she got new jokes, she sent to whole bunch of her .
I am NOT the author of any "weekend jokes". Please be advised about this information. I am NOT responsible for "weekend jokes". I am just sharing the jokes I receive on Friday night regularly from this Caucasian real estate agent.
I want to clear this matter once and for all. Let's just have good laugh and NOT so serious about jokes. Besides, in those jokes didn't mention particular name of a person, so they are NOT personal attacks.
Life is tough already. Relax on weekend.....
p.s. So far, I like "When Insults Had Class .,..." the most.
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Weekend joke - Truly Blond .......
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Posted:Oct 2, 2015 5:04 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2024 1:52 pm 107802 Views
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A blonde has become dreadfully overweight. She goes to the doctor and he decides to put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat normally for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. Next time I see you, you'll probably be 5 pounds lighter."
The blonde returns after 2 weeks, but upon weighing her it turns out she lost 20 pounds.
"That's amazing!" Said the doctor, "and you followed my instructions?"
The blonde nods, tiredly. "I'll tell you, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" Asked her doctor.
"No, silly, from the skipping!"
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Weekend joke - When Insults Had Class...
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Posted:Sep 25, 2015 9:04 pm
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2015 5:19 pm 111471 Views
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These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.”
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli,"whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy."
-Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
-Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
-Winston Churchill, in response
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
-Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
-Groucho Marx
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Bully people can say something so mean to hurt people
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Posted:Sep 25, 2015 12:50 am
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2015 9:09 pm 113794 Views
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I have received 3 emails from same person on Sept 21, 2015 that hurt me so badly. I reported him but Chinese FriendFinder deactivated him so fast before I could copy down his 3 emails. However, Sept 25, 2015 those 3 emails appear again.
This guy didn't post his photo. He lives in Buena Park, CA, 54 Male
vijayan1
Who cares about your resume on aff,I personally think that you are full of pride.Just be a ordinary lady.You think people here on Chinese FriendFinder give a shit of where you have been or what properties you have?You came naked to this world and you will leave naked! Thank you.
Sept 21, 2015 at 6:54 p.m.
vijayan1
Nobody gives a shit about your profile! Go loose some weight and think about getting a plastic surgery!
Sept 21, 2015 at 7:00 p.m.
vijayan1
Go lose some weight and at least get a plastic surgery!
Sept 21, 2015 at 7:21 p.m.
I just read an article from Yahoo front page
Dianne Hoffmeyer was with her 22-month-old at Tim Horton’s, waiting to buy a cup of coffee for herself and some donut holes for her teething , when she overheard the women in line behind her whispering hurtful insults at her expense. Comments like “’Oh, look at her hair, it’s nasty looking and the roots are coming through,’” and, “’Oh she’s a whale, the whale needs to eat,’” Hoffmeyer told WXYZ. “I instantly started to cry, because it hurts. I don’t know the women. I don’t know why they would choose to say something like that.“
STORY: Mom of Four Answers Bullies After Posting Unretouched Photos
Instead of confronting the strangers about their bad behavior or lobbing insults right back, the Michigan mother did something surprising — she paid for the two women’s cups of coffee.
Hoffmeyer wrote about the incident on Facebook Monday, just after it happened. “To the 2 mean bitter ladies that were standing in line at Tim Hortons in Fort Gratiot behind me,” she wrote in a post that has since been removed. “I could hear you. I could hear the hurtful things you said about me. Sorry that my hair needs to be re-colored and the roots bothered you, but I have that need to be taken care of. They come first. You both were right when you said I didn’t need the small box of Timbits because I already looked like a whale. Just so you know they were not for me. But for my sick 22-month-old who has kept me up all night crying and teething. I thought they might make her happy. Yes, I set aside the fact that they are not healthy because I wanted her to smile. You both made me cry. Then when I ordered a coffee that I RARELY get to treat myself to, you both snickered and called me a ‘Retarded Lard Ass.’ I’ll have you know I’ve worked hard to lose 177 [pounds] in 22 months. I am proud of myself. You both should be ashamed of yourselves. But to show that my mother raised me better, I’d like to say [YOU’RE] WELCOME. Because this ‘Fat Retarded Lard Ass’ paid it forward and I bought your coffees this morning.”
Before Hoffmeyer’s post was removed from Facebook, it had received more than 224,000 likes, according to a screen shot on Opposing Views. She also received more than 94,000 friend requests and hundreds of messages from supporters across the globe. “One positive action in a negative moment has caused a tsunami of friendship for me with moms that are going through the same thing,” Hoffmeyer told the Times Herald.
Hoffmeyer didn’t respond to Yahoo Parenting’s request for comment.
Hoffmeyer says she was inspired to perform the incredible act of kindness to set an example for her young and teenage . “My 2-year-old is a mini-me and she mimics everything I do,” she told the Times Herald. “I wanted to do the right thing so when she’s old enough she’ll know the right thing to do.”
While Hoffmeyer she still doesn’t know who the two women are, she told WXYZ that if she saw them again, she’d do the same thing. “I’d like to buy them another cup of coffee, and talk to them,” she said. “And explain to them how it made me feel.”
This thing happened on AFF, so I post a blog on AFF. Dianne Hoffmeyer has an account with FaceBook, so she posted on FaceBook for everyone to read. Chinese FriendFinder is one of "social media".
Words can hurt so much, if it aim to the heart.
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Weekend joke - Creative Accountant
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Posted:Sep 18, 2015 10:09 pm
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2015 8:09 am 108875 Views
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A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says, Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions. He gets her name, address etc. and then asks, "What's your occupation?"
"I'm a ," she says.
The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, Let's try to rephrase that.
The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end ". "No, that still won't work. Try again."
They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite poultry farmer."
The accountant asks, What does poultry farming have to do with being a ?"
"Well, I raised a thousand cocks last year."
"Poultry Farmer it is."
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