My true story joke - 3
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Posted:Apr 18, 2015 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2015 4:31 pm 81142 Views
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When my mom was , Japanese occupied Taiwan during WWII. Her Japanese teacher taught English in the class how to speak 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 in English. "Go home and practice from 1 to 10 and I will test you tomorrow and teach more numbers", the teacher said to the class.
The next day, the teacher ask the class in Japanese "Who know how to say 5 in English?". Many students raised hand and answered correctly. The teacher then asked the class in Japanese "Who know how to say 11, 12, 13, 14, ..... to 20 in English?" My mother was the only person raised her hand. The teacher told my mom to stand up to answer the question. My mom proudly stood up as she lost many chances to answer those number from 1 to 10 in English".
My mother said "Sir, the number 11 is Ten One, #12 is Ten Two, #13 is Ten Three, #14 is Ten Four, #15 is Ten Five,...... #20 is Two Ten". She then sat down and hoping teacher will praise her. However, the teacher said "You are WRONG". "#11 is Eleven, #12 is Twelve, #13, is Thirteen, ...... #20 is Twenty".
Because in Taiwanese, Mandarin Chinese or Japanese say #11 as Ten plus one Ten One and there is no specific word for #11 as Eleven. Say #12 as Ten plus two = Ten Two and no specific word for #12 as Twelve.
If you are bilingual, you probably can understand better. However, this is a true story joke about my mother learning English numbers.
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My true story joke - 2
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Posted:Apr 18, 2015 8:11 am
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2015 10:16 am 80486 Views
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One day I was driving my car with my (was 2 & 1/2 years old) and my (4 & 1/2 years old) and stopped for a traffic RED signal at the intersection of Garfield Ave. and Valley Blvd. in Alhambra, California. My was practicing her phonics, so she read the street name and said "Garfield". My was sitting in a car seat, he said "Where? Where?" and I saw him turned his head to right and left looking for an orange cat. I was laughing till my tears out because my at 2 & 1/2 only knew Garfield as that big Orange Cat in cartoon. 
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Weekend joke - The 4 cats
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Posted:Apr 18, 2015 12:04 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2015 8:06 am 79323 Views
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The Four Cats
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
The second man was an Accountant,
The third man was a Chemist, and
The fourth man was a Government Employee.
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To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
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But the Accountant said his cat could do better.. He called his cat and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
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But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
Exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
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Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet....... Ate the cookies........ Drank the milk..... Sh*t on the paper....... Screwed the other three cats........ Claimed he injured his back while doing so. Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions....... Put in for Workers Compensation..................and Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............
AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO
WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!
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My true story joke - 1
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Posted:Apr 17, 2015 8:44 pm
Last Updated:Apr 17, 2015 8:54 pm 77056 Views
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When I came to California in 1980, my first job was working at a bank as a "Loan Secretary" preparing loan documents. The bank gave me 2 weeks vacation with pay in 1981. So I and my cousin planed a 16 days trip to Grand Canyon, Zion, Grand Teton, Bryce Canyon, Yellowstone and Arches National Parks, ....
My cousin and I will be the only drivers take turns and 3 older generation (my parents and my aunt). We got all the hotel reservation, route trips, .... planed. But I received a letter from USC (Univ. of Southern Calif.) for TOEFL (Test of English as a Foreign Language) the same morning we planed to start our departure.
To pass that exam was very important to me to enroll in pharmacy school, but my first vacation had been planed. So, I went to the exam from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. and drove home to meet with my aunt and my cousin at my apartment with my parents. When I arrived, it was almost noon time and our 1st hotel in a town near Grand Canyon National Park needed 7 or 8 hours driving. We needed "ice cubes" to cool soft drinks in ice chest cooler.
I and my cousin rushed into a supermarket and asked the first employee "Where is your Ice?" That Mexican guy pointed to his two eyes with his two fingers and said "Here, here". I said "Ice cubes".
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Weekend joke - 10 jokes
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Posted:Apr 10, 2015 1:36 pm
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2015 5:21 pm 85853 Views
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1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it
was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the
innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it
didn't move'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later.......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me
tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
's sermon.
All the were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the minister leaned over and said, 'That is a very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on
microphone, 'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third , my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her
tummy.'
'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'
7. A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that of a bitch is nine....'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you
teaching my in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
of a bitch is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer.. She read, '... and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that
farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's .'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane
Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's ?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'
10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play
with the boys?'
Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're
too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'
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Weekend joke - The good catch bait
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Posted:Apr 4, 2015 8:22 am
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2024 12:52 pm 92569 Views
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The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Booth Bay Harbor Maine man answered his door to find two grim-faced Maine State Troopers.
"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the troopers.
"Tell me! Did you find her?!" Wilkens asked.
The troopers looked at each other.
One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens.
Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 of the best looking Maine Lobsters that you have ever seen and 60 good-sized Rockfish clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"
The trooper replied, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."
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The scammers from United Kingdom
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Posted:Apr 3, 2015 9:03 am
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2024 1:21 pm 91348 Views
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johnj1965
johnj1965 49, lives in London, UK
Fool and goat like you good luck
I reported him "Offensive behavior or other violation of terms of service" because he used malicious language toward me. He is 10 years younger and lives too far away.
johnj1965 profile has been deactivated on April 3, 2015 at 9:52 a.m. Pacific coast time.
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Johnny7372
Johnny7372 44, lives in Aldershut, UK
Hi
I came across your Profile picture here and I became interested in knowing you more, this is a social network which one can make friends.I hope we can be friends right? take care and waiting for your reply.
Regards,
john.
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bbullbruce
bbullbruce 47, lives in Bury, UK
Hi dear, how are you? I came across your profile here and I'll like to be your friend, I'll be waiting for your reply.
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GordonBuchan2
GordonBuchan2 54, lives in Manchester, UK
Hi,
It's my pleasure to browse through your profile and I was attracted to your personality. I will appreciate to communicate with you so that we can share more about us.. Also let us make opportunity for each other to build a good relationship in the future. And I will be glad to keep in touch with you and see where God will lead us in future I will stop here now and I look forward to hear from you soon.
Gordon.
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Albert910
Albert910 52, lives in Aldershut, UK
Hello, How are you doing?
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RichGrocott 54, lives in Aldershut, UK
His profile has been deactivated
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Those are just some of the guys who emailed me from UK for the past 30 days. They keep coming and now using offensive language.
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The final 10 minutes on Germanwings flight 4U 9525
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Posted:Mar 30, 2015 9:11 pm
Last Updated:Jun 1, 2015 10:48 am 100577 Views
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A transcript leaked to German media revealed the frenzied final minutes, with the pilot, locked out of the cockpit, shouting "open the damn door!"
Recovery teams have so far only reached the mountainside on foot or by helicopter to continue the search for human remains as well as parts of the aircraft, including the flight data recorder which is still missing.
Marseille prosecutor Brice Robin said an access road was being built to the remote site.
Mr Robin said work on the road, which would give all-terrain vehicles access to the area, could be completed by Monday evening.
Access to the crash site is very difficult for the recovery teams
They can only get to the crash site on foot or with the help of helicopters
The German newspaper Bild published a transcript of the final minutes of the flight as caught on the cockpit voice recorder. It has not been independently verified.
It shows the captain, who has been named in media as Patrick Sondenheimer, telling Lubitz he was not able to go to the toilet before take off, to which the co-pilot replies he can go at any time.
The captain says "you can take over".
Lubitz, 27, then appears to refuse to let the captain back into the cockpit.
The captain can be heard banging on the door and screaming: "For God's sake, open the door!"
The captain tries to break the door down with an axe. Passengers are then heard screaming as the captain begs again to be let in.
Investigators think there is the sound of the plane's wing hitting a mountaintop before final screams.
'Serious breach'
Meanwhile, there have been calls for a full investigation to be completed before any further conclusions are revealed.
The German Airline Pilots Association pointed out that the flight data recorder was still missing and that the reasons that led to the crash could only be determined once all data had been examined.
The European Cockpit Association said the release of voice recorder data was a "serious breach" of globally accepted rules. It said many questions remained unanswered.
Andreas Lubitz was a keen runner who kept himself very fit
Investigator searched the house of Mr Lubitz's parents as well as his flat in Duesseldorf
The suggestion that the co-pilot's action was deliberate led to speculation about his mental health, especially when investigators found anti-depressants at his house along with evidence of treatment by various doctors, including a torn-up sick note for the day he flew the plane.
Reports about problems with his eyesight - possibly a detached retina - first raised in the New York Times, were also reflected in the German papers.
But no full picture has emerged of what initially caused Lubitz to seek medical help and whether reports that he was stressed are linked to a prospect of impaired vision and its potential impact on his ambition of becoming a long-haul pilot for Germany's main carrier Lufthansa.
Lufthansa, which fully owns Germanwings, says his training was once interrupted but only resumed after his suitability was fully re-established.
Lubitz's ex-girlfriend has said he vowed last year: "One day I'm going to do something that will change the whole system, and everyone will know my name and remember."
Family members continue to travel to the site of the crash.
Ippei Yamanaka, co-worker of victim Junichi Sato, told AP: "His wife says she still cannot believe what has happened, saying that it almost feels like her husband is away on his business trip and that it still feels like he is going to return soon."
An official memorial service for those onboard flight 4U9525 from Barcelona to Duesseldorf will be held on 17 April in Germany's most famous church - Cologne Cathedral - in the presence of President Joachim Gauck and Chancellor Angela Merkel.
Meanwhile, the pastor of the Lutheran church in Andreas Lubitz's hometown, Michael Dietrich, told Associated Press the church was standing behind the family. He said there had been no direct contact with the family but he believed they were receiving good help.
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The transcript revealed the final chilling moment of Germanwings flight, The 27 y/o sick co-pilot single handed killed 150 people simultaneously and crashed the plane to French Alps mountain deliberately. Can you image the last 10 minutes how terrified of the passengers felt? They had no way out literally, no intact body can be found.
I have passion for travel and most trips were international (Europe, Canada, China, Taiwan, Japan, Australia, New Zealand) some domestically (New York, Seattle, Hawaii, ...), so I have been on airplanes a lot. We trust the pilots will take us to a destination safely, but in this case the trust is evaporated.
After 9/11/2001, the pilots don't trust passengers and put up unbreakable door and security code to enter cockpit and pilots can lock themselves inside. Since 9/11/2001, USA airlines required always 2 persons in the cockpit. If one pilot or co-pilot need to leave, a flight attendant will enter the cockpit. This time the pilot can't re-enter his cockpit because a crazy co-pilot locked himself inside and murdered all 150 lives. Many European airline companies now changed their policy to have 2 persons in cockpit all the time.
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My got "engagement ring" today
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Posted:Mar 21, 2015 5:25 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2024 2:11 pm 120719 Views
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My texted me last night from Detroit she is coming back home on Saturday morning and will leave on Sunday (1 night/2 days only). She wants to have lunch with me and her brother (my ) together. My came home around noon time and showed me her engagement ring. Her high school sweetheart since 2004 proposed her and put the ring on her ring finger. I said "Congratulations" to them. Her boyfriend (now fiance) currently works at a hospital emergency room as a technician for 2 years.
Her boyfriend's father is a pastor (minister) of a Chinese Christian Church in Irvine, CA. My actually got admitted to UC Berkeley in 2005 but she went to UC Irvine to be with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend only got B.S. degree in Psychology in 4 years, my got Psychology and Neurobiology dual degrees as "Summa Cum Laude" honor in 5 years. She is attending a post-graduate medical school in Detroit for 2 years, still have 2 more years and then internship and residency. It takes long time to be a MD. Luckily, she has scholarship.
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Online dating obstacles
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Posted:Mar 20, 2015 9:44 pm
Last Updated:Mar 27, 2024 2:34 pm 114471 Views
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What online dating obstacles we have?
1. Trust and Honesty
2. Age differences
3. Distance
4. Ethnicity and language/ background barrier
5. Financial status
6. Personality and Character
7. Profession/ Job
8. Height
9. Intelligence and Education level
10. Appearance
11. Religion belief
12. Political party
What else?
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