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Dealing with love lost..........Y Having lost many close relatives during my life, a divorce not of my choosing was like a death. Difference being my entire world ubruptly ended, and the priorities changed accordingly. Following the divorce I was still trying to build my business. My emotions took over my being. I only slept when beaten down and weary from excessive travelling. Eating became something of a necessity as my stature began to fade. My clothes became loose fitting and I aged 5 years in less than 5 months. My travels / took me to all points of the lower 48 United States. Although tired and weak my thoughts were clear. My priorities as a husband /father had changed. I was no longer working for my family as a whole. The reasons for starting my own business were no longer valid. I was actually doing something I disliked trying to build a solid financial future for my family. My two year plan was on target as within the two year time period I would be running my business out of an office with little or no travel time. Building my own business appealed to me and I was having great success but the whole of the motivation had left me. Traveling south of Salt Lake City the weather turned and it began to rain heavily. Barely able to see driving just 20 mph I pulled off of the interstate into a travel lodge hotel. Having had just five hours of sleep in the past five days time, it was good to take a warm shower and lay down. I had slept two hours and awoke with the room full of light. The afternoon sun was bright and left very few clouds in the sky. I stepped out onto the balcony of my 2nd story room. The mountain views were stunning and as I looked due east with the sun shinning brightly from the west, there it was. On the side of a great mountain was a huge letter. The letter was Y. I backed away from the railing and sat down on the patio chair. Y .... WHY .... I began to place my life in a different perspective as I sat and stared at the Y. Why did this happen to me ? Why did the love of my life, mother of my , decide to find someone else? Why did my have to grow up separated from their father? Why was I marching around the country like a madman doing something I did not like and ruining my health in the process ? Why did I still think of this woman that destroyed my world. Why must I grieve for love lost when that person still lives? A million Y's ran through my mind. Darkness fell and the Y dissapeared, but all of the questions remained. I stayed in that room for an extra couple of days,cancelling several appointments. I had several great meals and my sleep came easy. With my motivation gone, my re-prioritizations became imminant. Resolving ones self to the facts of events...... I did all I could and my conscience was clear in knowing that. There was nothing left to be rationalized as many answers would never be resolved. I packed my bags and went home. I remember to this day and will remember for years to come, how I dealt with my soul mates departure and a host of other issues. It was through the simple observation of one letter......Y. |
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Sorry to hear the pain and suffering you are going through. What happens we cannot change and its up to us to look forward to the future and stayed strong always.
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