chatillion 70M
3157 posts
6/23/2014 9:33 pm
Rethinking that Garden Of Eden story...

I was pretty young when I first heard it and I'm not sure I had all the facts. However, I'm an adult and my thoughts have changed... slightly. So let's recap this story and see if I have all the facts now.

I'll give you the Roman Catholic version as I remember it and you can add the version you think is best suited. Okay?

Eve goes in the garden and meets up with a snake. The snake tells Eve to eat an apple. Yeah, an apple because that's how it's depicted in all the illustrations I have seen. When God hears about the 'apple thing' he becomes angry and Casts Adam and Eve from the garden. Because Eve carried an original sin, every born into the church must go through a 'Baptism' ritual and have their sin washed away so they can enter (when the time is right) into heaven.

All this over an apple? Here's where I believe the facts drop off sharply.
There was no apple or fruit as we know it. It's all figurative... things we've been led to believe that comes under the heading of BS. You see, what missing from the story is oral sex. They were forbidden to have oral sex and it was the snake who convinces her to perform oral sex on Adam and that's when God cast them out of the garden. It was a BJ and that's no BS. Understand?

For thousands of years people have been going around talking about a freakin' apple... . Stop the nonsense.

That's my blog.

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/24/2014 5:14 am

such a trip, why would there be so much trips about this function, unless maybe it is a pre-cursor as to what potentially lead them to go into the homosexuality aspect.

woaini1947 59M
3973 posts
6/24/2014 10:44 am

God created the mule, and told him, "You will be a mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."
The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.

Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years." And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.

God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years." And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no than 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years." And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years the mule refused, the the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 20 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back.

Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry.

Then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grandchildren.

I know this to be true because I was there at the beginning, (My grandchildren have asked me if I was at the Last Supper. I tell them "no" but I was there for the first one) and my grandchildren will tell you that they do not have a monopoly on being childish.