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Weekend joke - Happy "President's Day" weekend “Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.” — Bill Clinton “My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers." — Jimmy Carter “In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” — John Adams Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.“What’s the matter, Mr. President?” The Vice President inquired. “Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!” The President beamed. “How long did it take you?” “Well, the box said ‘3 to 5 Years’ but I did it in a month!” Q: Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning? A: She wants to be the first lady. Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!” George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!” Bill Clinton’s asks excitedly: “Do we have time? Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal? A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it. Q: Why did President Obama get two terms? A: Because every black man gets a longer sentence. p.s. As a reminder, I am NOT the original writer of all the "Weekend jokes", so I am NOT responsible for them. Those "weekend jokes" are from my Las Vegas real estate agent weekly. Honesty is the best policy. |
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pinkcrystal, Please do NOT take jokes too literally. American jokes have many different kinds, i.e. sarcastic, dry, funny, wisdom, political, ridicule, .... Most Chinese probably can understand only the funny ones. As this joke on George W. Bush is a political joke that ridicule him, not so smart. In USA, we have Freedom of Speech, Freedom of Religion and Freedom of Press in our Constitution "First Amendment". However, there are some limitation. I want you to know in this joke, Bush didn't play jigsaw puzzle for a month. Please do NOT take this joke too literally. It is just to ridicule Bush who is not so smart. We are "Democracy" country that is difficult for "Communist" Chinese to understand the "Freedom of Speech". We won't be killed to make jokes on presidents. Do you understand better now? Also please understand don't say English by translating from Chinese word for word. For example: Don't say "People Mountain, People Sea", nobody in USA will understand you. You should say "What a large crowd!" or simply say "Lots of people". Don't say "Long Time No See", you should say "It has been long time, I haven't seen you". When I went to China in May 2008, the tour guide said "Chinese government love face" that made our American group (except me) didn't understand. In English, there is "save face", but no "love face". Please don't speak English that translate from Chinese word for word literally. As English pronunciation, Chinese have problem to say L and R. When you pronounce "R", you need to roll back your tongue. When you pronounce "L", your tongue is behind your front incisors (teeth). I once read a comment that answered gonnaoil, she said "Thank you for your collection". I immediately corrected her, I told her the sentence should be "Thank you for your correction". I even showed her the meaning of "collection" in Chinese 收集，採集; and "correction" in Chinese is 訂正，修改；校正. I meant well to correct her but I think she got mad at me. Sigh, ..... Many Chinese say "rice"米飯 sounded like "lice"虱子. Terrible mistake. I don't mean to ridicule Chinese, but they really have bad accent that they don't know of. Honesty is the best policy.
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pinkcrystal, Jigsaw puzzle is 拼圖玩具. Do you have 拼圖玩具 in China? If you have those games, you should know that is for little kids to play with. I bought many Jigsaw Puzzles for my children to train their brains when they were little. My daughter's wedding date will be May 20, (Saturday) and her doctoral graduation day will be June 6th. I will post photos on Chinese FriendFinder and SFF in the short future. Honesty is the best policy.
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pinkcrystal, You have much to learn. There are so many funny jokes about George W. Bush. You have lived in China, you can't use Google, you can't search for those dumb jokes about him. There are a impersonator, Steve Bridges, stood side by side to act like Bush (the 43rd president). In this joke, the jigsaw puzzle box says "3 to 5 yrs" means suitable for very young kids. I hope you know what "jigsaw puzzle" is. This puzzle games are for very young kids to train their brains. Usually takes from few minutes to few hours to finish the puzzle game depends on how complicate the puzzle is. Bush took a month to finish it mean he is dumb to play kid's game and took too long time to finish it. You have to live in USA like an American to understand the meaning of jokes. Don't use your Chinese brain, or else, you won't enjoy the jokes. It is very different culture. Those "Weekend Jokes" were from a Caucasian woman who is a real estate agent in Las Vegas, Nevada. I gave her businesses so she made commission (money), she put my email address in her email list and sends jokes weekly to whole bunch of her customers using "Bcc" (Blind Carbon Copy) to entertain her customers. I am one of her customers (clients). I post all those same "Weekend Jokes" on Senior friendfinder too and they are senior Americans and understand very well. When I post some political news on SFF, some of the opposite party who supported Trump protested by responding comments that I couldn't accept them and deleted them. However, on SFF, they understand very well about those jokes and no question about those joke implied to. It took me long time to understand American's jokes and there are so many "Late Night Show" on TV that makes people laugh. Some of the wise jokes, take you a while to understand them. Honesty is the best policy.
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I like the one that Dick Chaney asked George W. Bush why he was so happy. Bush said that Jigsaw Puzzle box said it is (suitable) for 3 to 5 years old kids, but Bush (as an adult) spent a month to finish that puzzle. Go figure!! Did you get that joke? Honesty is the best policy.
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I don't have "Twitter" account and don't know how to tweet or read tweets. I got information indirectly from media, e.g. CNN, CNBC, NBC, BBC, ABC, .... so I don't read Trump tweet messages at all. However, I have the Twitter stock "TWTR" that is trading at $16 that is below its IPO (Initial Public Offer) price of $26. Happy "President's Day" long weekend! Honesty is the best policy.
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We currently have a "Twittering" President Trump. He tweets average 6 - 7 times a day. Sometimes, he tweets at 3 a.m. Honesty is the best policy.
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