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How much better the world might be IF... yes, the big IF... If among many things, IF women were able to figure out how to be content and be with less expectations and more interest in actually sharing. I don't know where it began that women seem to want to regulate men and place a ritualistic program of function they attach to whether or not they will be at ease enough to make relations work. From Tv to real life,( which both mirror each other) , where women seem to take and measure everything as a "go or stay" determination. It's quite amazing how much vanity encircles and over take so many relationships, It’s amazing in a world where women continue to claim the want of equality, but still want to measure the relationship based on whether or not the man gives her things and spend money on her. Today, its worst than it has ever been. Too Many Women, measure where they are taken for dinner, they measure what the expense of the birthday gift is, or any gift for that matter. It's a certain recipe for unhappiness and it is the catalysis for so much conflict in relationships. It’s almost like they are more concerned about 'bragging rights", about what they feel they can extract from the man, or measure themselves by the dollar expense of gifts and the fact of consideration to give her something” does not even factor in It's all about the cost and if they can brag to other women about it. What ever happen to the women who simply appreciate having a mate, and someone to share time and experiences with ? Sadly for some, it has to be the newest car or the biggest house that provides means to have the most bragging rights. Unfortunate as it is, these things are not only things women do, they are things we as men do as well. so its a two way street of many recipes for a disaster of a relationship. Even when it comes to sex in relationships - how people come to the point that it becomes a measurement function based on some fictions of romance that people carry around as secret expectations of scenario, but they are not willing to tell the other what their fantasy aims are. Sex becomes bargained and rationed as if it is something that will spoil if it’s utilized with some frequency, some act like there is some set limits to how frequently it is engaged and some act like it has to be surrounded in some gambit scenario before it is shared. And some try and use it like a reward prize if someone does the expected favor that another aims to extract. No wonder today, people are nuttier than ever, either they over-rate themselves or under-rate themselves. Few want to admit to the truth, but much of the truth is, TELEVISION, and the fiction people have grown up watching. never realizing that everything on TV is 'staged", by whole teams of individuals focusing on every detail.. trying to create some playwrights concepts of idealism's or caricature of what they assume as being the ways of people. And the world continues to try and emulate this down to the script and backdrops. Before TV, people had far different relationships, divorce was not a pre prescribed thing such as it is today. People seek out reasons to be obstinate toward each other, because the interaction did not or does not match what was seen in some commercial production. Even the role playing to sell products, where everyone is always happy being belief on a continual spin.. When reality is far more varying in how the individual lives and interact. It may well be, the infection is too saturated, because now it has taken on generational fusion, that translates into 'expectations. People in many ways don't even know their neighbors where they live in a community housing area or an apartment, the separations even extend to families, they don't relate the same as people did in previous generations. the divide mentality is so strong, that everyone is trying to out do the other, more than they are willing to communicate relate with or even be generally social with each other. and Mercy, buy some over priced clothes for some and they become to act as if they are above the world.... it's a mad house of vanities insanity. Even so, in Asian nations, where people have these constraints that prohibit and limit them even getting married unless they can buy a house. How absurd is that, when you really look at it. what they should concern themselves with is , over time working together toward getting the house, and if renting a unit in the mean time is suitable and provides them shelter. then build from there. We have women who now own homes, but they are far less willing to make their home available as the residence for the relationship, but women still expect men to make his home available as the residence for the relationship.. If they had themselves and each other as their higher priority, it would not matter who has the home, it would matter more that they are sharing their living experiences. Low and behold, the madness of 'alimony" and "spousal support".. is insidious when divorce comes.. Once divorce comes, neither should expect anything from the other. Why should one expect some benefit from someone they are no longer with ? It is not like some 500 years ago when no one wanted to married a divorced woman... Today, there is no such thing as being required to be a virgin to be eligible for marriages and divorced does not block anyone from re-marrying someone else. Probably more than 45% of the people, who marry today, are on their second or third marriage, or they are on their second to fifth or more relationship of some sort. No one lives without baggage; it's more a matter of how you pack your baggage and whether you drag it around, exposes its contents to everyone or anyone or whether you know when to store it someplace. so it really matters more about how you handle your baggage. The legal system has provided every means to disavow the vows, and the for better or worst and for ever after... in many cases are words of the script of marriage speech, that people say its a vow, but its less of a vow in their minds and more a part of the script that simply sounds good but fewer are willing to uphold such a vow. Many broken relationships probably can be traced to one of three things, money, POWER AND SEX... and it does not matter what order the focus is fixated on, it still become re-traceable to one of the three. when people get real with the fact that everyone has their fantasy idea about sex and what they want to do, they might find they have an endless array of entertaining ways to indulge each other.. Then they probably won't be complaining about being bored with it, nor will they complain about it becoming routine and without creativity. Too many want what someone else has, the obsessions become so strong people lose the ability to appreciate what they have. One or another measure their relations by what they see of another, but they have no clue of the details, they just become to measure based on the external fantasy they make in their minds about others relationship.. And then dismiss the truths they come to learn, because the truth destroys the fantasy they have committed themselves to make believe. probably the most tripped out things is, how some women tell other women they are too pretty to accept whom they are with, or try and tell them what they should expect and what they should choose. and then they measure each other by which one has a guy that other women want, more than respecting each other for choose the guy they have chosen to be with. When truth and fact is, it is not your business to know what two people see in each other, nor is it your business to determine for them what they see in each other, and in respect of one’s self, not to be led and misled by others telling them they can't understand what they see in whom they have chosen. It's truly amazing how other people control so many people’s relationship with this 'assessment game". When truth and fact is, you don't need others endorsement to whom you choose. Even in Inter-racial and cross cultural relationship.. more people would readily choose whom they want if its their desire to select among other racial groups they desire to select, if they did not worry about what others think of their choice, they would be better to do so and be happy with their choice of mate. It's pure insane, to let the opinions of others dictate whom you choose or don't choose. If we note, among many poor people, they seem to choose based on whom they like, since they don't have the money matter to worry about, nor do they have the socialite structure to worry about, nor the status trips to worry about. they seem to work together and even understand the challenges each other face often times more than people who have high disposable income. they seem to grow together as well as make their gains together, and share a mutual pride in what they each contribute as well as pride of respect for what their mate contributes. In basic logic, it's insidious for people who have all the financial resources to get anything and do anything, but they can't make a relationship work. That alone tells that money won't solve the problems of poor relations and bad communication, and it certainly won't solve the issue of mis-placed values of each other. It comes down to "individuals" being of understanding that they are individuals and their lives nor their relationships will flourish without having a sincere care within themselves for the choices they make. Anyone who thinks love is not work, will find their lack of interest in the works of love, will come to find that love fleeing fast and they will be alone wondering why it was not labor free... some get anguished because they have to put work into making love work, some get anguished because they think a fairy tale should just manifest itself and encircle them without any efforts and any labors of what love requires. Many times, the ones who are quick to say they are not for games, are unaware of their own games or they think they are too smart that their game won't be detected.. And such a game is called "selfishness". Often times, these people can be the abusers who abuse and deny they have done so.. Then you have those who have a 'win mentality"  that seeks to over trump the other at every turn, but they fail to understand there is no winning unless both parties feel it’s a win-win situation. but one matter that people forget more often than not, is to be happy for the other, even when you don't get what you want in life, but another gets what they want... and realize that it is a never ended circle, where at another time, you may get what you want in life, where the other did not get what they want.. This is the time where considerate appreciation of each other and support of each other and more so the moral support that become more important than any material gain or situational triumph. Learning to Love is more than some sequence of romanticized situations and moments, Often times, so many forget this simple fact.. And much of relationships become destroyed by such negligence to understand. |
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in a site claimed to be about relationships, why is no one engaging the discussion about some of the many elements that exist in the human relations experiences. Geez. to date, all silence has gotten is many people being alone.. and still people have not figured out, that you got to be expressive in order to have a situation that becomes a shared experience.
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