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The House the house is much better with a 'happy spirited woman in it'... by this it means a woman who is content with life, herself and the mate she shares with.. this does not mean a woman who is only happy when she is spending money and buying stuff.or on a perpetual shopping mission. Long before the shopping malls and the daily shopping.. when men and women both worked together to make home function, and take care of things.. they talked, and they both made contributions, they were thrift about how they spend money and they were selective about the things they bought, and did not clutter their homes with everything that was advertised. now, people are satisfied with nothing, and the more things they get the less they communicate with each other in quality ways.. so relationships break up faster and the discord is beyond belief.. Now days, men are far less willing to blindly trust women, and women are far less interested in a man, unless they first measure his income. I do recall a time, when a woman lived with me, we were not shop-a-holics. we both worked and on occasion we'd go out to eat, go to a movie and such things.. but we could sit home and actually enjoy being around each other. "the House" .. became to fell like a life and loved filled home. and not some ornament staged to impress and attract someone.. it was actually filled with things we actually utilized. I don't get the young women of today.. they are always 'on the go", no matter where they are' they are impatient to go somewhere else, and when they get there they are impatient to go somewhere else. the level of impatience is so over dominant, they make being around them uncomfortable, because of their impatience to be on the go.. The House... could easily become home with good feeling, between mates, but there seems to be something wrong in the sphere of woman, they always think they are missing something, or it is something else they got to go searching for... geez, this gets even more crazy if some of the women have a moderate to high income... I wonder if they even stop long enough to see they many times can be the source of their own discomforts in relations, because of their continual demeanor of impatience. I wonder how many women truly know how to make "The House" have a feeling of home for her and a man ? |
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People can trip and measure this based on "ability to cover financial expenses.. but they miss the major point. The women who claim they don't need a man, base their things on everything but the heart and spirit of love and the human beauty of male and female communication and the kinetic energy which exist to blend the genders in a spiritual enlightenment which nurtures and enriches the soul the mind and body. . Women as such think having 'financial means" and a vibrator is the answer, and what it answers is the questions of demonstrating how 'selfish these women are". They may talk of love, but that loves is based on a financial measure and their vibrator is based on them getting gratification without giving or sharing anything, and it further demonstrates the substitutes women will accept if they can't barter and prostitute themselves for financial gains. The nature of "the House" and a home built on shared love, has nothing to do about these things being dominant.. in love these things are sub components and those components have no manner or means to regulate love, if and as love becomes based on the appreciations of person to person and respectful appreciation of the beauty of the opposite gender and what each gender contributes to making a relationship, which can turn "the house" into a home. the misguided teaching of a system based on economic manipulations, is what has people gone mad. people are made to believe in self measure by monetary acquisition.. If that was real, then billionaires would be the happiest people on earth, and happiness would be measured across the sphere of the world to be about who has the most money. but many people who have no money are spiritually happy, and can and do make loving and joy filled relationships. they further invest themselves to work to contribute to the living arrangement to be giving and sharing with each other. It does not matter how many things one can buy, "time" only allots itself to dealing with a limited range of things within the spans of a day and even within the spectrum of a life. Buying a new pursue or new shoes is not going to make anyone a better human being in character nor in the spiritual quality of life. Material things will not put dignity within the compassion, nor will it put happiness in a lost soul.. The external ornamentation may be dressed up, but then has one become a pagan of sorts which has given themselves to the idolatry of worshiping these material things as being their main source of spiritual job. so then their joy dies out as these things age and break and they become in a continual frenzy to buy more and get more of these things. As age comes and these things no longer cover up the fact that age changed the body and the value of these things is no longer able to provide anything but clutter.. then what does a person have.. other than a cluttered space filled with inanimate things. The delusion pushed of royalty adorning each other with material things, has twisted the minds of people, with this delusions game of "Ladies and Gentlemen" based on ritual activity and material ornamentation... has made fools of generations upon generations of people. When people accept being simply "Women and Men"... they may find their life to become even more simplified and they may then learn to appreciate themselves and the opposite gender and possibly find love with transcends the traps and hypes of a material based self and relationship assessment. A life without work is a poor life because it diminishes the functional expression of the individual to put forth labors into their living experience. they do not learn many things which makes the spirit, the soul, mind and body bring about the best of its ability and capabilities.. they simply spin in the circle of their own vanity of self consumption. But most people care not to think... they care more to chase delusions and cycle in the instability of material measure... driven and managed and manipulated by commercial promotions. Age tells us many things and it forces us to look back over our living and within our life to see that our greatest joy and greatest achievement can only be what is built by "love" within the relationships we invest ourselves to nurture and grow. These things are generally revealed to those who become wise, but those who choose to remain fools within their pursuits of foolishness about what matters... result to become bitter, along and destitute in spiritual enlightenment. You will find lots of these women later in life, miserable, unhappy and bitter than MEN in particular no longer want them. Go figure. Their lives were spent trying to use sex to manipulate things, and trying to use the fact of being female to assume it was suppose to allow her to barter and manipulate men to diminish her need to work, give, share and learn the value points and self enrichment that is derived from learning and living with growth in compassionate self investment to love, appreciate, share and give. Her vanity became her life, and life over times takes away the vain attributes she has given her life to rely upon.. and when those things no longer can attract males for her to manipulate.. she then is bitter, because she has built no value that transcend this vain self consumption. Pu--y is the greatest abused thing in this world, not by men, but by women and the mentality they develop to rely on it and abusively use it as a tool of manipulations. Many women spend their mental energies devising ruses to try and use guilt games and put down negativity and hope that P---y will be a 'carrot on a stick' that can allow her to live her life by these means. These women develop their cycle of older age bitterness, and some consume themselves in their youth with self torments, trying to figure out how to use p---y and mental game and the tease of physical appearance to maliciously manipulate men and situations... and the return on these abusive expectations is and does result in leaving her diminished in character and limited in the growth of spiritual self... Old age then makes her realize that she sold herself cheap, for material things, and forsakes the value of developing an enriched and vibrant spiritual self with a compassionate known which can only be gained by learning to have a giving and sharing heart with a mind that appreciate the beauty of relationships on the spiritual level. But many won't care to think nor explore no understand any of this.. because too many think p--y is the fix all and cure all tool... that they assume can override any situations... the end result of such thinking is the building of bitterness that fills their later years.
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that kind of delusion of power is shallow... one need only ignore them and they become powerless.
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it's amazing all these people who talk about "love" have so little to say when the discussion is about the works required for love to flourish. it kind of signals the thirst so many have for fantasy and quickly become dis illusion and run and destroy relationships when their fantasy is not played out by the other person acting like a puppet for them.
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Many not only don't want to understand these things, many people are only " sunshine people-- or they are ' good time dick and jane, but become mortal enemies when the works of life become a requirement in building relationships. It is wise for people not to set up house, with irresponsible people. nor should people share the house with vain and egotistical people, because they will find it difficult to make it into a home. Nor should people allow avarice into the house, because it is certain to destroy the potential to become a home based on loving each other.
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Sadly the vanity and greed of the American Media and the way people try to model their lives behind the Avarice so often presented.. is sadly influencing woman from countries that never before were obsessed with such greed filled motivations... but now on a global scale, the greed motivation is in every nation to a greater degree than one would think... you can't name a nation with a Major Metro where the women are not for sale by some means and the men are not designing their lives to buy the women by some means... Greed is so high, and in no place has any level of wealth been a recipe for guaranteed happiness.. pretty faces does not make a relationship, and mens money have never made a relationship produce honesty and integrity. The human being is vain, greed is real and deception is a tool used like water.. some with simply perish by their own actions in their pursuit of the opportunity to play the hooker and john games, and they have the audacity to call it a relationship... and then lie to each other and claim it to be love. when time proves it is far less than love, and eventually brings it to show the reality of it being about two people using each other for the sake of vanity. this post- [post 233140] probably tells a story that many will not come to understand, until tragedy falls into their lives.
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Chalk up throwing his pants on the floor, screaming at the quarterback like a bad pass is a personal insult, and never remembering to buy milk to the fact that he's a guy. What we can't understand is how to get him to talk when you most need him. So we asked real men and the experts to help us understand what's really going on inside when the lines of communication go radio silent. By Holly Corbett, REDBOOK. His feelings matter, too "Our feelings are just as important as your feelings. We shut down if we don't feel like we matter or that your agenda is more important than ours." - Chris, 38, Rochester, NY Get him to open up: "Feelings mean different things to each of the sexes. Guys often feel by doing, women by saying," says Dr. Pollack. "It's a matter of translating one language into the other. Try saying, 'I'm really sorry. I know that your feelings are important, but I'm not clear what they are. Can you help me understand?'" Give it to him point-blank "Sometimes my wife wants something, but skirts around the issue and uses subtle clues rather than being direct, and it leaves me in the dark about what she really wants. Then it turns into a conflict because she ends up not getting what she needs and I feel like I'm not doing anything right. I shut down when I feel like she's not being completely honest and to the point." - Joe, 42, San Francisco, CA Get him to open up: Though you may be thinking, "Why are you so slow?! I made it pretty obvious," try actually saying, "Oh, I thought I was being direct. I wasn't trying to withhold stuff, I just didn't want to tell you what to do. Tell me where you felt like I didn't say things directly." Asking for concrete situations will help you make changes in your approach next time. Put romance in the air "Men like to give you romance, but we also want romance and surprises. If I feel like I'm the only bringing romance to the relationship, then I feel drained, shut down, and don't want to do anything at all." - Aaron, 42, Liverpool, NY Get him to open up: "A lot of men complain that they are the only ones who take the action in their relationships, and it sounds like he wants her to make the first move sometimes," says Dr. Pollack. When your guy is pulling away, you likely don't feel like being romantic, but to keep him from further retreating, say, "Honey, I'm feeling a little disconnected. How come we're not close now?" He may share that he feels he's initiating sex or bringing you flowers and he wants similar things in return. Acknowledging his desire will encourage him to open his heart. A little praise goes a long way "I need compliments, and to know that she's proud that I'm her husband. When she gives me that love, I come out of my shell very easily, but if I don't feel that loyalty and pride in our relationship, then I kind of check out emotionally." - Rich, 39, Winter Haven, FL Get him to open up: "This is a complaint you hear from both sexes. Like women, men need not only compliments, but to hear that the woman is proud of them and really loves them," says Dr. Pollack. Your guy probably won't tap you on the shoulder and tell you that he needs you to spew kindness because he feels too ashamed. "But if you ask him why he's being distant and he says he needs you to say nice things to him, then you can make a mindful effort to do it more often, and you'll notice how his attitude changes." Encourage him to be himself "It's nice to be able to be 100 percent yourself with your wife, to be able to be completely vulnerable and show her everything. If you feel judged, you shut down." - Khiel, 38, Marcellus, NY Get him to open up: "Men may act invulnerable, but they are not," says Dr. Pollack. "You can stop and say, 'Was there something I said that made you retreat?'" Then he can say, "Well, when I talked about that thing at work, it seemed like you were being critical." You might respond, "I didn't mean to be. If you ever feel like I'm being judgmental, please tell me and I'll stop." When he knows that you're willing to make adjustments, he'll be more likely to open up. Give him the time he needs "My wife pushes me to talk even if I'm not ready. This can lead to resentment, and me feeling like I'm not connected. Then I don't want to open up." - Mike, 37, New York, NY Get him to open up: If he isn't ready to talk about something, pushing him will be the kiss of death. "You shouldn't wait six weeks to address the issue, but allowing him an hour or even half a day to calm down will make your conversation more productive," says Dr. Pollack. Once he's cooled down, tell him that you'd really like to address the problem so you can work on it together. If he still pulls away, say, "I understand it may take some time, but when is good for you to talk about it?" This allows him to choose the time and the place on his own terms, meaning he'll feel more in control and be more likely to share his feelings. It's a game of give-and-take "Maybe it's an emotional defense mechanism, but when our relationship starts to feel too one-sided, it makes me less likely to open up to her." - Dave, 40, Syracuse, NY Get him to open up: Try saying, "You seem more distant. What's up?" This shows that you realize that he has been present in the past, and gives him an opportunity to state that he feels he has been taken for granted. Instead of giving him the laundry list of all the things you do to take care of the household and the family, try addressing his feelings by saying, "Can you tell me when you feel like I stopped giving my half?" "Doing this keeps him from being defensive, and gets him to talk about it so he feels like you're part of a team again," says Dr. Pollack. Don't try to change him "I shut down when I feel like she wants to change who I am and my core values. I open up when I feel that who I am is why she fell in love with me in the first place." - Lawrence, 36, Baltimore, MD Get him to open up: "The best way to get a man to change is to not ask him to change, but to say, I love the fact that you do this and this - things you know he sees as his core values - and then mention something that he doesn't do, but that you'd like him to do without directly asking that he do it," says Dr. Pollack. If he's shutting off, one of your interactions can be, "I love what you usually do [insert something that reflects who he is here], so why did you stop?" He may say, "Well, you always want me to stop doing this and be someone else and you don't like me as a person." You can respond, "I love who you are as a person, and that's the most important thing to me." By telling him what you adore and appreciate, you'll encourage him to take a risk and try something new without shutting down. Try to see where he's coming from, really "I shut down when I feel frustrated that, no matter what I say, she will not see my point of view, and when I feel that if I keep on talking it will only make things worse. I back away to cut my losses and to keep the conversation from going even more wrong than it already has." - Dan, 42, Newburyport, MA Get him to open up: If you're having an argument and your husband pulls away, wait a few minutes and say, "What's up? Why have you stopped talking?" If he can't explain it, do something together that he enjoys, and amidst the activity, say, "Maybe your point and mine are a little different, so let's talk about it." He'll be much more open to another point of view when he is in action mode - rather than sitting around and chatting. Give him what he wants -- and needs "I begin to pull away when I'm not getting my needs met even after I've expressed to her what I want. If she tells me what she wants and needs, I'll do all that I can to give it to her, so I want her to do the same thing for me." - Kyle, 34, Jersey City, NJ Get him to open up: "He may think he's expressed what he wants, but she may not know it because he may not have been speaking her language," says Dr. Pollack. "This man is more vulnerable than he wants to feel, so you have to reach out across the divide." If he starts to pull away, ask him whether there's something he wanted but isn't getting, and let him know that he can tell you what he desires. He'll realize that it is still just as good if he gets what he wants after vocalizing it - rather than you trying to read his mind - and eventually you'll understand more easily, and be able to give him more of what he needs without him having to say it.
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