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Mixed (blended) Relationships Monique is African American and Native American, with a dash of Creole. Brian, who’s Caucasian, is as white as can be. But despite their visible differences, they still shared a lot in common — including a passion for food, Sunday football and watching Modern Family. This New Jersey couple found each other on Match.com, fell wildly in love, tied the knot and started a family. Back when Barack Obama’s parents took their vows, this was the stuff of scandal. Today, one in seven new marriages in the United States is between people of different races or ethnicities, according to analysis of U.S. Census data by the Pew Research Center. These stats hold special meaning for online daters, who are casting wider nets in their search for the perfect match. People open to marrying outside their race or ethnicity “have a bigger pool to choose from, and it’s good to have more options,” says Brian G. from Hoboken, NJ, the first of 10 siblings to marry someone who doesn’t share the same ethnic background as his family. He admits that his mother was hesitant at first, but softened as soon as she met her future -in-law. In fact, most Americans are cool with the idea of a family member “marrying out” — a phrase that now sounds almost moldy to modern ears. In fact, 6 out of 10 people interviewed for the Pew study said “it would be fine” with them if a family member announced plans to marry someone from any of three major races and/or ethnic groups other than their own. How culture and technology shifts are bringing more diverse couples together What’s behind this trend? Collapsing cultural taboos against intermarriage and major waves of immigration over several decades from Asia and Latin America are some of the major drivers. Then there’s the Internet effect; online dating and social media seem to bridge cultural chasms by emphasizing the importance of people’s thoughts, feelings and experiences over their physical appearance. “Technology has shrunk the world,” says Natalie Bencivenga, relationship expert and cofounder of twodaymag.com. “We no longer seem so alien to each other.” Not surprisingly, the trend skews by region, showing lower numbers in southern and northeastern states, with higher numbers out west. Geographic differences notwithstanding, it’s still big news considering that, back in 1961 when Obama’s parents hooked up, the frequency of black and white mixed couples getting married comprised less than one in a thousand overall marriages. “Couples seem to see their differences more as assets than liabilities,” explains relationship expert Joyce Morley-Ball, Ed.D. “They’re looking for emotional, psychological, spiritual, economic and social similarities instead of focusing on the negative stereotypes often attributed to racial differences.” Above all, Dr. Morley-Ball says, love trumps race. Five interesting facts about couples who are “marrying out” 1. Among all the newlyweds interviewed in 2008, 31% of Asians, 26% of Hispanics, 16% of African Americans and 9% of Caucasians married someone different from their own race or ethnicity. 2. Between 1980 and 2008, intermarriages in the U.S. more than doubled. Rates more than doubled among Caucasians and nearly tripled among African Americans. 3. A record 14.6% of all new marriages registered in the U.S. in 2008 were between two people of differing different races or ethnicities. This includes marriages between Hispanics (which are an ethnic group, not a race) and non-Hispanics, plus marriages between people of different races, whether they were Caucasian, African American, Asian, Native American or people who self-identify as multiracial or “some other” race. 4. There are a few striking gender differences. For instance, about 22% of all African American male newlyweds in 2008 married outside their race, compared with only 9% of African American females. Among Asians, the gender pattern is more dramatic, but reversed — 40% of Asian female newlyweds tied the knot with non-Asian men, compared with just 20% of Asian males marrying non-Asian brides. 5. More than a third of adults say that one of their family members is currently in an interracial marriage. African Americans say this at higher rates than Caucasians do; the numbers include a larger percentage of younger adults than older adults, and more of them live in western states versus other areas of the country. “The U.S. is getting to be more and more of a multicultural country. If you have biracial , they will have plenty of company in most schools and neighborhoods,” says psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., author of The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You’re Far Apart. Obviously, it would be naïve to think all cross-cultural relationships are destined for smooth sailing. “Small towns, where segregation secretly lingers, make life — and schooling for your offspring — more difficult,” says Dorree Lynn, Ph.D., psychologist and coauthor of When the Man You Love Is Ill: Doing Your Best for Your Partner Without Losing Yourself. “There may be taunts and bullying. In-laws and family on both sides of the color spectrum may have difficulty accepting an ‘outsider.’ That sometimes results in family feuds and tension.” And if 6 in 10 respondents from the Pew study say they’re fine with a family member marrying outside their original race or ethnicity, it still means 4 in 10 respondents aren’t thrilled with the idea. “If you haven’t done it before, it can be an adventure and a challenge,” says Tessina. “Couples learn to accept and appreciate each other’s traditions, foods, and also the more subtle emotional style of each others’ families. For instance, one family may think being loving is exactly what the other family finds terribly intrusive. One might value sharing and intimacy, while the other may value respect and privacy.” Lynn agrees, adding that “blending these styles isn’t easy, but the rewards are great,” and that mixed couples can boost their odds of long-term success by taking the following steps: Be prepared for the possibility of unintended slights from those who may disapprove. Don’t take them personally. If moving in together is on the horizon, try to choose a location that welcomes and accepts interracial and inter-ethnic couples. Consider any potential issues that you may face before you wed, hone your communication skills, and get counseling if you need it. Says Lynn, “Marriage requires effort, whatever shade of the rainbow you happen to be!” Writer Debra Kent is the author of the Diary of V book series. |
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I think the a strong level of congeniality between interracial relations is wide open if two people embrace it. Sometimes I think it may even be a positive step, because people become in some cases more willing to learn about the other, as well as be open to things the other has to bring. As to lifestyle in terms of character integrity, people,.. can find a match in any race or ethnic people...
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Well , anyway , have to admit there are still lots of culture shocks and habits differences between the overseas couple . Guess that , as time goes by , the differences among people from different races are getting dwindling Many places people are more open minded,... however, there are still many very small town areas which may not have interest to see inter-racial relationships. but over-all it would probably not be much of a problem unless one lived close to KKK or Neo-Nazi and such types. Currently the Mayor of New York, (one of the most popular cities in the United States,) has a mixed race marriage.
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I;'d like to add. when people stop looking at African American through the painted pictures of a once jim crow designed segregationist view.. they will began to see individuals, and in seeking individual, they will learn better to dispel the media and Jim Crow styled propaganda about black people. Also on a global level, people have to realize how much negativity was pushed in aim to support a system of slave trading over the history of nations who engaged in it. The same was also true of India, China, when British wanted to benefit from dominating them, the British pushed a negative propaganda image of people from these areas, simply because it benefited the British in their aims to extract labor from these groups to support the self concerns of the British... Like wise so was the American system eager at any instance to push negative propaganda about black people... and much of that was primarily for aims to continue to use black people, but not have a system to see them as equal, not to have a concern for them to have economic equilibrium. This is the same as when other nations have been oppressed by the greed aims of another.
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