beyondfantasy3 111M
2363 posts
6/14/2014 6:51 am
Men, Women and Life

There is a great deal of talk about many aspects of romance, pursuits of love and the seeking of mates.

How much do people truly look at the big picture. No one here is getting any younger, that is a fact.

I watched couples in many places over a long span of time. the Romance of the Dating Cycle is one things, but life always settles into being simple " Living"..

The sharing finds it methods based on the two individuals, first and foremost, as ADULTS, everyone comes to a relationship with a whole mass of reality behind them. that does not vanish because of the fantasy like phase of the 'dating cycle"..
It still comes back to the fact that people work, people have goals and they have ideals they purse and some chase their ideals with reckless abandon.

Relations don't just break up, its TWO people who break them. Not ONE, but TWO people. when people interject their person agenda and it does not flex and merge with the other, and the other interjects their personal agenda and it does not flex and merge with the other. That is the reality that exist.

Some people, are able to keep their relationships going, by insuring they interject kindness and considerations for and with each other.
Some become squabbles because they have a clash of values, they have a clash of wants, and they have a clash of ideals and goals.

But If you note long term mates, and think in terms of your age and reality.
as couples get older, as with life, the bodies changes, the minds change, people get sick, people may loose money and people many face family or other things which take up focus in the relationship.


I see couples each other to the doctors office, I see people attending to the care of one or the other, and I see people adjusting to the changes that health may bring in their relationships.

How will you deal with these things is an unknown, but what is important is that you know, various things will come to exist, Because no one is perfect and no one is made of iron, and the human being is and will always be a fragile entity in this world.

For women, what will you do if you get breast cancer, and for the man what will you do if the woman gets breast cancer? For Men, what will you do if you chased a woman because you were infatuated with her breast, and she got breast cancer? Can you handle that. can you consider these realities.
What will you do if the woman gets ovarian cancer, or has some situation where sex activity is changed due to some medical realism. What of men, what happen as age comes the the prostrate enlarges, or there is other problems with the prostrate, bladder or some body organ within the spectrum.
These are just some aspect of life, but in reality, accident happen all the time, We have never a day to go by that Car Accidents don't happen.. And no one is immune to the potential. It does not have to be your fault, it can be the fault of a drunk driver or such, maybe the car malfunctioned.. And consequence resulted that damaged the individual.

As I've been dealing with the medical things over the past year, I see many couples at the doctors, it shows there are many people with many issue, but what I do see is a lot of 'couples who come together to many appointments', and it shows they have built relationships which evidentally go far beyond material things, money and the thrill chasing of being a jet setter. This is composed both of young couples and older couples. Its a broad reality, some come because they have sick , some come because in their extended families, someone is sick or hurt. Think!!!! when you choose a relation or pursue it, get over yourself, and get real. It is not about your fancy of the moment, life is filled with many many many things, and most are not prepared for any of it, because their vanity aims seem to dominate so much, they can't even choose for trying to wait on some delusion of a perfect fantasy. You won't get it, this is life, and life is unpredictable, and the nature of building a relationship is about "building" based on how you deal with the block that you have and those that come into being.... You are not longer a bright eyed , you are 'ADULTS"... and if you deny it or try and deny it, life will continue to bring your reality that will make you own up to being an Adult. Or you will simply crash.

So when people talk all this stuff about Love and Marriage and seem desperate to Marry... What do they fully consider in the big picture of it all. Is it just their erogenous fancy driving them, is it the thought of financial security, is it the thought of someone helping cover the living cost, or someone paying the living cost?

It might matter a great deal if people slow it down and get real, because one thing is for sure, you can live in a fantasy frame all you want, but that won't stop reality from being reality.

What if you chase someone for money, and suddenly they get canned, and the job goes out of business, Then what? What is you chase someone because of their job title, and that fades away, 'then what' ?

Life is interesting, it forces reality, because it is about reality.

Once people reach the age of 40, life has entered a "Prone Zone", when many things become more prone to be with a higher risk potential as it relates to health and over all well being.

Most people on this site are long past their late teens and 20's, and many are deeply into their 30's and certainly within their 40's and beyond. Therefore, why continue to purse and make aims like teenagers?

You know you have to work, or if you don't you have some nature of responsibilities, you also know the person you have interest in has responsibilities. So, why are so many profiles and commentary structured as if people are "carefree teenagers". At this stage people should have come to learn they need to think in MATURED TERMS when they start talking about relationships, and those talking INSTANT MARRIAGE, maybe should review and come to some real terms as to why their previous marriage dissolved.
Then approach it as an Adult, not like some fancy filled teenages, or someone trying to play, "lure with sex games" , or "trying to use money or material things to attract another"... because at this stage and age, one should know. Material things get old, they need maintenance and maintenance consumes resources. If you are a fashion hog or got to have the latest, you already know, next 6 months, next year or 5 yrs from now, those things will be outdated. all of which consumes money to replace.
We see people with homes that have all kind of thing, and people get bored and then want to move to some other place. Again, that become another expense drain. These are realities, what are you willing to contribute to sustaining what ever it is that attracts you? or what are you willing to contribute to what ever you are currently using to attract others?

No one here is a , therefore, people maybe should approach mate selecting as an ADULT, and be an Aware Adult. If you use looks and think that is your strong hold, then how distressed will further aging affect you? Because you won't always have a shapely butt, or a thigh skin face. Not only does hair change colors,it also thins out often in the span of life.
So, what are you really facing in choosing a mate.

It might be highly likely, that you not only learn to respect the person you choose, your work may be to build a friendship and actually learn to share the appreciations of developing a true like for the person you are choosing.
All that "bang the booty" will probably last the first 6 months, and then reality settles in and its frequency will by fact of life change. Are you prepared for that? when that happens, then what?

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/14/2014 7:31 am

Today, I see many white men who are cutting lawns, many are men who years ago would not have taken on these jobs, some of them are men who once had various careers, I see them manning the cash register at the dollar stores, or women who never had to work, now working at McDonalds, and other lower paying jobs, and various things. I pointed to white men, because many minorities have always done these kind of jobs.
Today, many minorities cannot any longer get some of these jobs, because today the competition for the jobs include both black and white people.
We see some Asian doing well in America, but no one pays much attention to the 10's of thousands who live in dire poverty or one pay check away from being homeless. Or in some cases, with various other ethnic groups where two or more families share a small home, not big enough for one family.

Things change, we've seen people who were once millionaires, who are no longer such, many who had a few 100k saved up, and medical emergency zapped it, and they are not back looking for supplemental work.

It's only the couples with a solid foundation of care for each other, who will survive these type of changes and remain being a couple.

Young people jump and swap mates like each other is nothing more than an arcade game, they play ego games, based on the look of their face or the shape of their butts. I doubt that will change until they get burned a few times and realize they duped themselves by their own vanity. but as with life, all have to live and learn. Some learn and some don't learn. The world is full of 'burnt out" has been's", still trying to reminisce about what they call they "hey day". Sadly, because they became "Jaded" (tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, disillusioned, typically after having had too much of something) about love and life.
Now with the millions of dating websites, people really ramp up the game to deal with each other like they are "arcade games". spin the wheel and see if the bells and whistles make any noise, and after a few pulls, and no jackpot, they move to the next "arcade game"..

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/14/2014 9:31 am

Trusty, as usual, many will avoid this blog or become reluctant to post and address these realism within the living spectrum.
I appreciate your investment to look at the full spectrum of the posting and reflect about the reality factors as Adults.

A great many in these sites will not find mates, and some who find mates will destroy it before it has a chance to develop and others will not abandon their vanity pursuits. That's just the nature of the broad base of people.

the few who do come together based on realism of themselves, others and life in general will understand that beyond all the frills, it comes down to the character, the integrity, and the value of considerations and the embrace of compassion. Unfortunately, this is a vague unappealing spectrum for many.

Some have ideas that some magical situations will give the perpetual happiness, but why suffer a fool with truths, time will give them the torments they seek.
Because the wise and willing, the understanding and those who care to be understood will be open to the 'work" involved in building relationship, and they will be with a willingness to put in that work. Ultimately, they will be the ones who gain and come to appreciate the broad spectrum of what it takes to have and maintain a relationship. It takes an Adult minded person with Adult regard for the realism of life, to truly invest and sustain a relationship.

So many are still trying to emulate a Shakespearean Melodrama, and many are pursuing a Sitcom situations and others, are chasing after a Romantic Movie script of a Romance Paper Back Novels idealism's. Time generally consumes them into their own delusions and age comes quickly while they deny the passing of time.

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/14/2014 9:33 am

One of the biggest challenges people face, is their own choice of trying to be a sought after commodity. They don't even know the options confuse them more than it benefits them. Rendering them unable to choose. they think they will miss something by choosing, and end up missing everything, when it come to the lack of a relationship.

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/14/2014 1:05 pm

I'd wish well to anyone who seeks a relationship. It is ultimately important for them to first know the difference in a love relationship, and a relationship built for the love of conveniences.
It' quite sad that so many do not make those distinctions.

There are others who abandon relationship to go look for drama, they call it by many words, but it amounts to 'drama". I've known people who threw away relationships and later after they ran the person through a hail storm and then pushed them toward a tornado. when their fantasy chase runs into reality, they want then to go back to the person they abusively left. A true case of 'hindsight, gaining vision where foresight would not choose to consider. 'As many have that, " I wish I had the one I "ran" away or "ran away from".

Today, so many have become too shallow in their considerations, and wonder why they are so quick to meet with anguish. there will always be "Gold Diggers", and "Sunshine Only Types", and those seeking to put hash marks on the Chalk board.

It's been this ways for 1000's of years, but in these days where information is more readily available than ever, along with the information came the means to have a countless options. Therefore many get hung up is chasing options, until they have no concerns for making a choice.

One can't 'fix people', but one can develop within themselves a more keen awareness in how to discern what they need to avoid, if they have a sincere mind to seek and engage a long term relationship commitment.

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/14/2014 1:14 pm

    Quoting  :

Yes, it is certainly a subject that can be touchy, but we do live in a "touch type world"

Yes, I certainly understand the volatility of industry, and the need to develop good quality working relationships. It is always an advantage to know people who are in position in various levels, the connections are truly beneficial when one is with skills to offer. It matters greatly the establishment of a relationship built on Integrity in work related matters, and one should be careful to protect that integrity to maintain having those relations.
Unfortunately, we've all seen many people build superficial relationships, which result to not become endorser, in time of need.

It is however amazing how people build so much around TV and Media Image Character, without recognizing many of those character have themselves a turbulent life riddled with many broken relations, among many other issues which is within the life spectrum, many of such issues, that money nor fame can fix.
Halle Berry, many broken relationships, Tom Cruise many broker relationships. In neither case, money, fame nor looks could save it. It took them a long term to learn, those things are surface and much superficial, maybe in their later years they are learning the differences.

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/15/2014 10:10 am

the strange paradox within the male and female human being.

its not likely that many women today are going to be fully open. If you note, women rarely will become open in fuller communication until after sex. before sex, one has to be very skeptical of what is said, and many times after sex, it may require even more discernment about what is said. The same is and can be said about men in the reverse order.

Time often become in some relations, the only thing that is the thing, which reveals what is true.

woaini1947 59M
3973 posts
6/17/2014 11:15 am

I read this blog and it made me think a little more about this subject than usual. Usually I have an instant reaction and can rapidly type something in response and now I look at this subject and ponder... I have considered the fact that I am an adult and an older one at that. I find ladies of all ages under fifty to be attractive but I have to stop and realize that I am over sixty and when I start to have medical issues, a person I would choose as my mate may be a young lady in perfect health. Is it fair for me to court a lady and watch both of us fall in love knowing full well what her future holds as I age... Yes, I know there is always the possibility that I may end up taking care of her because no one knows what the future holds but generally speaking, I will be having medical issues long before she will. I thought about this scenario and I do date but I have no plans for marriage. Ladies who are the same age as me cannot keep up with me. I know because even on this site they have told me so. I rock climb, deep sea fish, cycle 30 miles on the weekends, lift weights at the gym, take 5 to 10 mile hikes in mountainous areas, and still sport a six pack. Sixty+ year old ladies (as can some sixty year old men) walking around in their underwear can scare the fur off a mountain lion. I have to be honest - I don't find sagging skin and loose appendages very exciting. So what do I do? Common sense says that I just date those I find attractive and who are attracted to me as well and I leave the long term relationships for those who have some "long term" left in them. When looking at adulthood and dating realistically, you have to look at yourself realistically and plan your future accordingly. If your goals are unrealistic, you can expect the same kind of failure Donald Sterling of the L.A. Clippers is enjoying. Picking some young and dumb bimbo he cannot have a physical relationship with, cost him his only form of entertainment at 80 years of age - owning a professional team. Yes, eventually he will have even more money from the sale of the team and yes he can find another young woman, but instead of being perceived as a rich old man who scores on younger ladies, now he is perceived as a rich old man who can't get it up and sets himself up for being used. Had he picked a somewhat older lady who realized how fortunate she was to have a promising future even after his death, he would still be viewed as a successful businessman instead of a fool. As Clint Eastwood once said, "A good man knows his limitations." Be an adult, accept your age as it comes, and operate realistically within normal and acceptable guidelines. Become a legend in your own mind and you will be constantly chasing your tail trying to relive your youth. We all know when our "get up and go" got up and went.

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/19/2014 5:11 am

But this is not only men that need this information, women certainly need to learn about it, and come to understand what is within the spectrum concerning this matter.

I've read so much material, and none can say what causes it, none have any information on how to prevent it. I've seen research program upon program exploring many things, but after all these years and millions upon millions of men with these issues, they have not found a preventative formula, they have not come up with ways and things to prevent it.

I was talking with a friend, we concluded that maybe by the age of 50 it may be something one could consider to have removed. The cost is very expensive, but I wonder if that could possibly prevent the potential problem from becoming an issue.

About 242,000 men will receive a diagnosis of prostate cancer, largely because of screening for high levels of P.S.A. in the blood. About 28,000 men die of prostate cancer each year, making it the second-biggest cancer killer of men. About 100,000 to 120,000 radical prostatectomy surgeries are performed in the United States each year.

Angelina Jolie, who had breast cancer, took a pro-active step and had the other one removed to prevent the potential of cancer in the other breast.
Various other surgeries women have which in some cases they take a proactive approach and some the stage is more advanced which can pose other challenges.

These are things and realities people must learn about when they past the age of 40, and for sure once they reach the age of 50.
Doctors do a lot of research, and in some studies they are looking at the DNA to try and figure out how to turn of various gene's, but they don't know how long before such treatments will become wide spread, nor if it will be very costly.