beyondfantasy3 111M
2363 posts
6/22/2014 8:24 am
Do you want a mate?

For those who say they want a mate, it might be interesting to simply select one and realize there is no perfection and there is no ideal. The concept of ideal is what you build OVER TIME.

Yesterday I went to a Funeral, the guy was one day younger than I am. I am 60 yrs old. He was married 4 yrs ago, in 2010, he was diagnosed with Prostrate Cancer last year and then months later diagnosed with Lung Cancer. The woman he married had , one of the spoke. She said the few short years he gave her some very special memories, of kindness and care, which she otherwise would not have gotten at such a crucial time in her life.

I say that to say this: While many of the guys here are in their 50's and near 60 and some above 60. many of the women are in their 40's and some in their 50 and maybe in their 60's. It might be wise after living this long and not finding perfection, to come to the realism, there is no such thing as perfection. Regardless of The Ideals that you seek; it should be overtly evident by these ages, and you should have come to know by now, RELATIONSHIPS is never any more than you make it, nor will it ever be any more than both of you work to make it become.

Also at these ages, the games of temp and tease is only for catching, but it does not work to hold anyone as a long term mate.

So with all the reliance of the academia of education people claim, all the integrity and achievement people claim, why are so many still like 'teenagers" when it comes to love and learning how to accept, build and make a relationship? You are not going to have sex 24 hrs a day, so you should have long ago faced up to that fact. If it last 20 minutes, or 5 minutes, you probably should enjoy it for what it is. If it did last more than 10 minutes of steady pumping, many would be worn out and in need of resuscitation getting leg or back cramps or what ever comes along with age and the physical realization of the human body. Some women may spend hours upon hours with their toys, but they still get nothing of emotional connection nor do they learn anything of how to achieve emotional connections with man, they only get to absorb themselves in themselves building fantasies they will never develop the ability nor mentality to share. After prolonged self gratification, they become driven by and for self gratification, thus the result is "mate-less".

For men, as many know, I wrote extensively about sex, I enjoyed sex to an expanded degree, and I though a lot about all the available sex in places like Thailand which can be had quite simply for as long as one wants to have it. Young women in their 20's by the thousands, willing, ready and able to do it at a moments notice.. All that stuff is real, I did it and it was nothing more than an experience which produced some friends, but did not produce a relationship, Well, after surgery, that thought is gone out the window. Even when thinking such thoughts, It is well known it does not make relationships, it can however make some friendships, but they result to be on the other side of the globe. So either way its a short lived situations, unless one moves to the location. It quickly shows this not to be long lived as in the aim some might things, As I knew guys who did just that, and they result over time to settle down with one woman, even when there are thousands upon thousands making offers, and putting temptations in any imaginable way one can think to encounter.
Well even beyond all of that. people still claim to seek out a mate, for the 'companion ship" aspects of things. Because regardless of what people say and what they think and do, they still at some point want companionship. Build it while you can, because some thing in life can change the factors greatly, and make even that aspect more challenging, if one has not previously built a relationship of understanding, considerations, appreciations and many things which make up what is a relationship.

We see many guys who say, 'they have simply given up" on the thought of finding honest and enduring companionship. Some have even given up on the interest of having frequent sex with a line of young women who make themselves available, or offer up their tempting.
For some they have been ripped for money, some have been played for support and convenience, and some have been used for moral support while the young women goes in pursuit of other aims. But what ever the case. it still comes back to 'the aim of a companion".
some of the women, even in their 40's still want to play in the 'allure area as if they are still in their 20's , riding the ego of how many options they have, all the while time is passing and all they have a mind full of fantasies they have put their lives in delay and hold mode, hoping a fantasy jumps out the wind.

Sadly, still unaware that what ever it is they want. It has to be BUILT, and that is only done through companionship interchanges, communications and LEARNING how to reach understandings. Which means, SELFISHNESS AND WHIMSICAL fantasy does not fit into the spectrum.

Not many people go to the pound to adopt old dogs, they go there looking for puppies. Well when it comes to people, we too age, and not even the media shows us images of people chasing older imagery. They chase the sit com version of the youthful lusty imagery. Yet, the TV shows that its story line is generally made up of deception, delusion, vanity, selfishness and conniving by any and many means. Yet, people still go out believing in the Melodrama imagery of this entertainer or that entertainer. While they are ignoring that at this age and stage, YOU ARE YOU, period... YOU WILL NOT BE an Angelina Joile, nor a Tom Cruise of etc.. and if you note, Angelina and Tom are not the same as what you see on the screen, they are people, PLAYING ROLES written for them by script writers, sitting for hours in chairs with 5 or more people applying make up, and then the technicians, using computer graphics to modify the image.
Now at what age do people let go of chasing to emulate this, and accept their own reality?

All the games and the illusions of lusting after the enticingly bodies and such was always known to be mere fantasy, Because what makes a relationship is and always has been about understanding, communications and being help mates. Most people know, that the body and facial images pushes people to conjure up many fantasies and always life falls far short of that fantasy, and what is left is the body and face, which is the basic simple reality of the person as simply a human being.

Now, what is the reality: It is simple, sex cannot be the main basis and time, fact and reality will always make you know, it is still going to be all about communications and understanding and being help mates.

For men and women, you can't 'bang" each other into submission, no matter if you 'bang each other 4 times or more a day", it still will not result to banging each other into any form of submission.

Here's a simpler analogy, take the bar girls - you can take one to your hotel, you can bang for hours day upon day, and when its done, she is still looking only for the next . if another pays more, she will not seek nor find time to return to you, until the higher paying moves on. So guys, should get no delusions that he can bang a woman into submission of any sort.

As many have found, the women they have met via web sites and in physical reality, if 'banging was going to secure the relationship", you'd still be with the one you banged the most. and likewise for the woman, who was banged the most would still be with you.

Most men who have been married generally found the same reality, after a matter of time, sex become infrequent, the first phase is like a 'bang each other fest", yet as time moves on, for some it may even fall to the low level of being only for manipulation, or as a reward when you have bought of given a gift of some sort, and some it may even fall to the low level of 'special holiday activity", which goes back to infrequency after the holiday is over.

If you think you want a series of adult film like sexual activity as a basis, you probably may need to resort to insuring you have a line of ' pay as you play -working girls lined up". It's probably a very rare situations where men will find a woman who is going to fit the classical fantasy of the nymphet. If she did, you'd probably be agitated at her not having the other qualities that go into making a full circle relationship. Then many men would quickly resort to not trusting her, because he would assume that she's going to get some, no matter where she goes by any means she can.

So, the matter become very simple for men, or for women - DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT?

Most people don't, they just plod along , looking for what catches their fancy for the moment, and they bring with them, the minds suitcase full of fiction, fantasy, illusions and frustrations about all the delusions they have gathered in their games of chasing fantasy. So, it comes down to a matter of base simplicity.. Can you be adult in your aims, and responsible in your choices and have a sense of realism about the situations you invest yourself?

Only you know what the answer is for you>

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/22/2014 9:07 am

For those who chase status, Life is far less about that in the big picture:
I see people where the woman is an attorney and the man cuts lawns for a living, they've been together for a very long time. some situations where the man has a executive position, and the woman is clerk in a shop.

We see many people who result to die wealthy, and no one ever knew they were wealthy, nor did they go out and do the things people associate with wealthy people.

a couple years ago, my neighbor died, prior to that her husband died, they owned a vast number of rental properties all over the city. Ocassionally they'd go out to dinner, or visit friends in other areas of the city or maybe within the region. He got sick, then he died, the wife had a few friends to come by, she did her yard work. over time, the many trees they planed in their back yard eventually had grown huge, so they resulted to have a back yard that no sunshine could come in, and it was costly to cut it down, when she died, the son sold the house and not sure what he did with the rental properties, but he did not become the executive type, before he moved, he was a cable Tv technician, and moved out of state with that job.

Realize no matter what you build, the next generation of your offspring may have little to no interest to preserve it nor improve it, they may simply sell it off and in some cases, people have been known to squander the gains and result to have nothing to show for the long history of their parents struggles.

So, how much do you make material things matter, or the wealth chase dominate.

Yesterday, the Pastor said something at the Funeral which was really interesting. He said. We hate 'Inconvenience", but Death is the ultimate inconvenience, and it has no concern for what you have, what you do, what you plan to do, or any of such things. It does not care how many papers are on your desk, or meeting you have planned, or even if you have some long range plan or delaying playing to build a relationship. When it comes it dominates, Nothing else has any precedence,
so while so many think they have forever to choose, and many think they have forever to develop communication, or some think they can just jump from one mate to the next looking for a fantasy... Realize... you may have less time than you think... and it may be more important to BUILD ON THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE, PRESERVE THE ONE YOU HAVE, AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE, TAKE ACTIONS TO STOP LOOKING AT OPTIONS AND CHOOSE AND DEVOTE YOURSELF TO ONE.

But, that's up to you.... but be mindful, that in this life, there is one certainty, and that is Death.... Therefore it might be wise to make, build and enjoy companionship and not let your vanity and ego rob you of building that.

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/22/2014 10:10 am

sometimes giving up on the ideals, may lead one to the realism of a mate where these is no preconceptions blocking communication and the mate may show up at the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected ways, which may in some cases result to someone who has been within the spectrum of environment all along.

Love is always its own guide in being what it is and what it is to become. We as people simply have to be absorbed within living within the truths of our life and times.

many people don't care much for these type of posting, because its not about fiction and fantasy, nor is it about getting egos stroked or vanity titillated, nor is it about the shape of a butt or the look of a face controlling anything, and it certainly is not about material matter dictating nor about monetary things promising fictions.
These type of posting generally garner very little interactivity.

It's somewhat understandable, as there are many who don't like long post, some feel challenged to read more than a paragraph if English is not their main language and others, simply like quick brevity. There are others who simply have no interest in the intricacies of what is found in the relations, unless they want to expound on the troubles they have encountered.

I write to go beyond the fantasy frames and think about the broad spectrum's of realism within living. Many come to these sites and talk about marriage as if its some new fad that is the flavor of the season. Then when the seasons change they are fast seeking divorce.
I see many who are purely about "Springtime Fancy" type of relationships, and some are looking for the "Lazy Summer Day Romance', and they fail to discern the nature of what is the full spectrum of seasons.

I see some because they have many chasing, become more confounded and they will not choose and probably cannot choose, because they are following the delusions others tell them, of what they deserve, until they become to believe it and remain on the spinning wheel as time takes their options.

Life is of its cruelties in its realism, and often times, we may find that something changes in us or about us, without even the faintest of indications, and when we come to those points and phases, we then are saddled with a whole new set of variables.

We are so unaware and so often led by our own self consumptions with our vanity, and driven by our ego's illusions, until we defeat the potential for us to live in the connective unison of a relationship.

Love has nothing to do with all that stuff, it has to do with what is positive in the spirit and the strength of devotion to that positivity to endure the challenges to bring it into commonest among the two who claim to share love. It means, rationale, reasons melding into agreements, and understanding overcoming ignorance, and in doing so, it will force positivity in spirit to come forth and share in earnest, or the weaker will find many challenges in the avoidance of love's push of one and both toward positive truths about each other and the acceptance of those truths.

Therefore, the subject " Do you want a mate" ? has so much more to do with facing much in self, than it has to do with another or the other.

beyondfantasy3 111M
4737 posts
6/22/2014 10:12 am

    Quoting Trusty05:
    Very well put. I'm a realist. All of this has been in consideration for a long time now. I don't sort after a younger woman on purpose. If an interest sparks and she is younger so be it. To far between ages and the possibility of a long lasting relationship is more unlikely.

    Throw in the game playing and those collecting men's attention? I just gave up trying to find a courteous partner.
You will do fine, and that mate you seek, is within the grasp of your shared expressions.

woaini1947 59M
3973 posts
6/24/2014 10:58 am

Let’s say the average lifespan is 76 years and you start dating at 16, giving you 60 years to find your soul mate. If you make an effort, you might be able to meet two new people a week. That’s 6,240 people.
Right off, you can eliminate half of them for being the wrong gender for you. Then you can eliminate half of the remainder because you are the wrong gender for them. That’s leaves 1,560. Let’s be generous and say half of all people are attractive. Out of those, 20% of them are going to think they are too attractive for you, giving us 624 potential sex partners.
At any given time during 60 years, two-thirds of them are likely be more than 10 years older or more than 10 years younger than you are, which is probably too much of difference to make things work. This makes 208.
The average IQ is 100, so half of them are dumber than that. Do the math. Out of these, approximately 10% will not go out with you for some inexplicable reason when you ask them, or you will try to play “hard to get” when they ask you and you’ll never hear from them again. Once you start dating, getting laid is a coin toss. After you have sex, you find out half of them are either lousy in bed, or were just looking to get laid, or both. Leaving you with 24 people that are still worth a damn. Let’s say there are only four religions in the world: Jewish, Christian, Not Really Christian, and Other. So there is only a 25% chance your potential soul mate will agree with you on the subject of your soul. If you try to avoid this pitfall by being an atheist, you would be unacceptable to anyone who was religious. So we’re left with 6. Out of these six people, one will either love or hate cats, another will be a fanatical vegan or eat nothing but pork, be obsessed with ceramic cows, or make an annoying whistling noise when they breathe. A fifth will have to run off somewhere,
leaving you with one and only one possible soul mate. When you meet this person, there is a fifty percent chance you’ll already be with someone who’s wrong for you. If you’re available, chances are, they’ll already be with someone else. Stay home. Read a book.