beyondfantasy3 113M
2003 posts
2/1/2016 5:17 am
Why can't people stay together?


It is such an odd thing, when people are together for 20+ yrs and then they break up. It would seem after 20 yrs one should know the person they are with very well, maybe they should know them well after far less years.
I don't know what is with young people, they switch mates like a change of clothes.

I work with some women who are committed to their relationships, I think its refreshing to see such. The women that bounce from one to the next, I think there is a problem brewing somewhere. The same for guys who bounce from one to the next, there is a problem brewing somewhere.

What's the point in so much mate switching, and some don't even take a break to find themselves, before they jump from one to the next. As if they are a master of something, but time reveals, that they are no master of anything, but simply unable to find what it takes to make it work long term.

Maybe for some they like it that way, the world is full of many people with many ideas about many things.

I think some women hold out too long looking for fantasy but claim they understand reality. It's likely the same is true for many men as well.

I work with guys who have been married 30+ yrs, and they are delighted with their mates.

As with age, there are many thing come into life. Take the issue of erectile issues, if a man is with a woman for a long time, then she is more likely to adjust with him to these changes, but for a man with that challenge to find a mate, it is more difficult, because of how much focus new relationships place on sex.
I know guys with peyronies who have long term relations, and they have little issue with their wives adjusting to it, then there are women with various issues that the men who have been with them a long time, adjust with the women. there are many other factors that are real in this spectrum, from diabetic, and many other issues that are simply realities that exist.

Today as with life long before, the body changes its just a reality of life. Even the urgency of desire for sex changes, maybe these are things people should consider before they go mate jumping,and trying to pretend they are still in their 20's. and the reality shocker comes that you are only in your 20's once in life. The same is true for women.

Then there is the communication matter, how willing are people to actually communicate in realistic terms and work to have better understanding and work to be better understood.

I think man or woman, don't become "sloppy", if you are neat continue being neat. I think sloppiness and lack of personal upkeep is crucial to relationship as well as manners. Don't get so comfortable to think you can diminish your manners and still maintain a relationship.

I see far too many men and women, who come to work without taking time to prepare themselves in a well groomed and neat manner. Although some relationship are among people who are not into being very neat, if that works for them that's fine too.

It does not require flashy and fancy, I think being clean, well groomed, neatly attired, even if its jeans and a tee shirt, there is a the neat type, and there is the sloppy type, people need to figure out what is the category they like, and find it from the beginning, because you can't just change people overnight. Maybe one may not need to change others, but be continually working on managing and maintaining self, so their presentation of self in sharing is comfortable and functional to their relationship.

Why can't people stay together?

beyondfantasy3 113M
4740 posts
2/3/2016 5:06 am

A friend was telling me about a couple who 'fought" all the time, and then they'd be like the most loving couple. He said their fights were not "knock down drag out", but they were still fights.

It's probably normal that people will have their issues, it may matter as to how of if they can resolve them.

ANY relations requires work, I don't know if our present day concepts of what "happiness should be like", is a big challenge in relationships today.
I believe that "media depictions" have too much influence in some relationships, and the "staged scripts" these media depictions present.

We can't be everything, and certainly it is work just being ones self and doing the things they desire to do. Mix in another person and its a big circle of many things.
I listen to the long term married people talk about, their decision making programs, and how they are often willing to defer to one another, and on big ticket items they come to agreements about it before it is dealt with.
I know one couple who have issues with "how" the other went about getting or doing something, so, from that - I think couples should understand the "ethic's" of one another.
We are never going to be perfect, as it is not realism, we all have our crazy side and we have our freaky sides, that's just part of the human being. but when people relate to one another in those frames, they might find at times they can deal with it, but at the same time, it may allow them to bring out their crazy and freaky sides as well.
It's just not likely that one in the early years will like everything the other does, and may not like it in the later years, but they know enough about the person in the over-all, to have figured out how to work with it.

All in all, no matter who it is, a relationship will require work!!!! on self and on the relationship, how to communicate will grow and change and everything about each of them will grow and change through the years. Nothing stays the same. If couples grasp this they may have a better chance.
But as said, some grow in different directions, some grow apart, and many things can be within the break up cycle.

It may not be a good thing, to jump from one directly to another, I think people should seek out their own balance point, before jumping into another situation immediately. For some that may have worked and for some it may still work.

We can all look back and see many things in our own past relationships. I think it matters how and what we gain from it, to better understand ourselves so that we can be better in being whom we are and learning how best to share in making relationships.

What do we want seems to be a big question with many moving parts.


beyondfantasy3 113M
4740 posts
2/4/2016 4:42 am

    Quoting  :

I agree, all the fighting is no good!!!! I don't want a mate that likes to fight. I don't care for contentious women period. matter of fact, I'm not interested in entwining myself with contentious people.

I think in some cases sex organ madness makes some people crazy. especially when they get hung up on, what they can use it for, or lost in the lure of being pursued by boys, girls, men and women.

As to people fighting, I don't care to have a fight with anyone. It's a very crude way to have to deal with things. I make as much effort as possible to avert things from becoming to that point. I find that silence works good in many situations and sometimes, just getting away from the situation works as well.

It is probably best for people in general to "be cautious of vindictive people", and certainly be very cautious of "desperate people".

We as human beings have many things within our living that we like and don't like, I think making relationships requires as much learning about both categories as much as possible, but making no stern focus on the dislikes because one can get lost in that madness.


1ClassyLady 68F
3276 posts
2/21/2016 1:09 am

Why should I stay with him when he has hidden the money he made to himself and NOT contribute money to the family? He cash out the patient's check so that bank statement don't show the actual amount. He keeps those cash to himself. He doesn't deposit personal check (cash out), so that IRS and his spouse won't know how much he really makes.

He thinks the money he made belong to himself. The money I made have to pay for everything. He is a cheapskate, slowpoke, inexperienced, .... dentist. I as a pharmacist, had to give him Green Card, U.S. citizenship, free meals, free house, free cars, free of household work, free of everything literally. He is a couch potato watching TV and said TV is the cheapest entertainment of all. TV gave him news, ball games, shows, entertainment, learn English, .... and he even didn't pay for the TV sets or cable subscription or electricity bill. I am very disappointed.

Before he walked out my door, he turned around and said he doesn't smoke, drink liquor, gambling, or infidelity, ... He asked me why I wanted a divorce. I said I don't smoke, drink liquor, gambling or infidelity but we have "irreconcilable differences". money is a major issue. He doesn't buy anything including his underwear and socks, not mention house, cars, furniture, or pay any payments/ bills. He doesn't know "investment" or has "entrepreneurial vision".

My marriage failed on "money NOT SHARING". There are no 3rd person in my past marriage.



Honesty is the best policy.