| Blogs > beyondfantasy3 > Many Perspectives of Attitude |
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Strange Stuff and Weird Things- who actually communicates? Insane stuff... Headlines: ~In fatal Palm Springs shooting, 19-year-old accused of killing mom ~A woman fatally shot her 17-month-old and her husband, then tried to take her own life at their home ~Woman accused in fatal shooting of boyfriend's 7-year-old ~Man is charged with counts of first-degree murder after he gunned down his ex-wife and their on Christmas Day ~A man killed his mother and then fired more than 100 rounds at police as her body lay in a yard during an -hour standoff before killing himself ~A mother was arrested and charged with shooting her 17-year-old during an argument ~mother plotted, killed 's fiancé to stop marriage the list just goes on and on.... ~then there is the long list of women teachers sexing up the students, that seems to be an endless string of such events. "THE 50 MOST INFAMOUS FEMALE TEACHER SEX SCANDALS" that's just the highly publicized. I guess if the global atrocities were listed on a weekly or monthly basis, the list would be too long to read. Maybe the best scenario for people is.. to "take time to learn each other" and not get hung up on some fancy instance, or image, and actually "find out about the reality of individuals". People do simple minded stuff - when trying to build relationships- instead of communicating like " adults" openly and clearly. many people know that money becomes an issue in their lives, whether they have it or have none, long before they meet another person. It just might be beneficial and logical to talk to each other, to understand how each other "thinks about money". Then it might just be beneficial to talk and find out, if each one respects the other as "an individual", not as something to be owned or to own. It might even benefit people to talk about "expectations"... "What do you expect from the other? can you handle your own personal issues without expecting the other person to do it for you? Do you know the religious or faith based thoughts of the other? What do you know of your own religious or faith based thoughts? Do you share those interactively. when it comes to sex... just making eyes at each other is not enough, are you able to actually "talk" about what you like, are you able to say what you want, are you able to be honest with each other about your sexual considerations and thoughts? What kind of chores do you expect from the other? Do you like to work and cover your contribution as a portion, or do you expect someone else to your portion for you? do you barter sex as if its a game tool? Do you treat the other like a sex toy? Do you attack the other if they don't give or do what you want, or give or meet your desired expectation? If you have to get or do things for yourself, that you wanted or expected from another, are you vengeful, because you had to do it yourself? Do you carry a grudge ? How long do you carry a grudge? do you make it a vendetta to get back at some you think may have disappointed your expectations or wants? Not only will these questions people, learn each others, it can an individual learn about themselves. It just might people, not to be so quick to "blame" the others, when they can see clearly their own actions and reactive actions. If your mate has and property before you meet them, why do you think you have a right to any of it? If you have or property before you meet some, do you want to give them rights to the and property you had before you met them? Do you believe only "jointly created property and jointly created is to be shared if you split ? Do you realize, you have no right to profit gains makes from or property they had before they met you? Do you realize, that you would not want to give the rights to any profit on or property you had before you met the other person. If there are , what role and responsibility do you want to take on, and what do you want to share? Considering the volume of people, breaking up, fighting, and killing each other, and killing the family... it might be a good thing to "talk about some of these things" before people start making relationship agreements to be each others mate. |
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Those who actually communicate with each other... may give themselves a guard against ... Strange Stuff and Weird Things- destroying their relationship.
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IF you are unable to get the car, by all means, get it "out of your name". You cannot afford the consequences of potential damages if he has an accident and harms or kills someone during an accident. Me personally, I would not think I'm due any of a woman's money, that she had before she met me, nor the profits she gained from her money while she is with me. ONLY, "joint investments" and profits from Joint investments should be split, and that should be done fairly. I also don't think if one has worked before they met their mate and invested in their pension before they met their mate, then there should be no 50% of the pension going to anyone. If anything, only the portion % during the time they were together. No one should profit from the other, because the relationship did not work. Nor should one expect to get any proceeds from one they no longer want to be with. Child support should be paid, by whom ever does not have the kids in their home. Nor do I think there should be an 50% time here and 50% time there, because children need "stability". Visitor agreements are fine, it is up to the people involved to make that determinations in the kids best interest. I just read that one state now will consider 'Pets" in divorce. But again, if they were my pets before or her pets before, the pets should go to the one who initially owned the pets. If they got the pet after marriage, then they should work it out, they know who was the more focused care taker of the pet. Life is such a thing.. that it is necessary that people "communicate about many of such things, before they make agreements of relationship, or marriage. No one expects it to go bad, but reality is, not all marriage work, so... as people, it is important to "talk about many things" before any commitments are made. It is necessary to "write it out" and both sign it. People claim it takes the romance out of a relationship. Well, it should not take any more romance away, than signing a marriage certificate. They are both and all documents of legality when it comes to marriage and when it comes to divorce. I don't have wealth or such, but I also don't expect to become wealthy upon someone else money either, whether in marriage or in divorce. Some people don't like it that I talk about a variety of such things, but I have had many friends, who have come to talk about these very same things, when in the heat of divorce, and all of such things, they did not talk about while before marriage or during marriage. Everyone should want a mate that is "open to talk about such things".. and do it honestly and fairly. No person should feel "trapped", or be caught in a situation where they can't go on with their lives, because of issues where one wants to take from the other what is not truly theirs. I never cared whether a woman had money or no money. The point of being together would be about sharing the maintenance and upkeep as a family, while together. What ever she had before, remains hers, and what ever I had before remains being mine, if the relationship does not work. Only what we mutually built together, is the only thing that is to be considered for dividing. Men who don't want women to work, is also making a choice that if the relationship fails, that he is responsible to give to her half of what was earned during the relationship, because he prohibited her from working and earning. The simple thing of the Adam and Eve story is, what is real.. Man and Woman, become the "help mates of each other when they make agreement to be in relationship and marriage". Not either obligated to do this or that inb specific, but; to help when and as they can, because each person should always remain being self responsible as an individual, therefore, they are then capable of being and remaining as a help mate. Maybe the pomp and pageantry of elaborate weddings may put more fiction in the relationship than is necessary. It should be simply a gathering of friends and families, coming together to wish the best to the two people who are making a marriage. Most people know... there is no "Perfect Relationship", the agreement is about 'working together as help mates" who profess to share loving with each other. There can't be loving without first there being "honesty" and "communication". Anything short of that, is just the stage of "infatuation". Work through the infatuation, and get to know the facts of self and the other, long before there is a agreement to become "married". It may just work better in the long term for both. Sadly, that level of patience often gets over-ridden by the glee of fancy about each other. The vows discuss many things, and the crucial things it discusses, are often the things that bring relationships to an end. such as sickness, loss of money, life challenges, and other such things. These things have to be considered, as they are part of life that may befall anyone. Therefore, understanding the vows is quite important, for both to know exactly how the other feels and the capability of each other to uphold those things. Still things may not work out. But, at least they will have discussed much, and may be able to part on amicable terms. Love is filled with "everything"... from the good to the indifferent, and it will depend on how communication functions, as to how it turns out. I meet people who have been married more than 50 yrs, I always congratulate them, and just recently while shopping, I met a woman, who said she and her husband had been married 54 yrs.... but she said... he is a good man, and I've always seen him as a good man, and it was not really difficult because he treats her well. I noticed, the affectionate tone in her voice, which indicates she too, treats him well. No one can predict the future. But it is not uncommon for people to be married a 2nd time. I don't really get the people, who have been married 4-5 times...
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Quote from Will Smith to his wife Jada Pickett-Smith: "20 Years Ago Today we held hands and walked naively down that aisle. Here’s what I’ve learned since. . Love is Like Gardening... I have learned to focus on HELPING you to BLOSSOM into what YOU want to be (into what you were born to be)... Rather than Demanding that you become what my Fragile Ego needs you to be. . I’ve learned to take pleasure in Nourishing YOUR dreams... Rather than wrestling with you to Fulfill my Selfish Needs & Satiate My Insecurities. . I have learned that Love is Listening. Love is Giving. Love is Freedom. . Happy Anniversary, My Queen! I am forever Devoted to Nurturing your Deepest Truth.".
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Reason is a necessary quality of mankind, it depends on a person's upbringing, experience, knowledge, thinking ability and personality. However, the reality is that sometimes people often can not be too sensible, rigid and mechanistic stiff. Because there is always one of the softest places in your heart. Have to admit its existence. You will make concessions sometimes.
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Yes, Reason is a good capability in mankind, but it also requires as you say, "base values" gained from upbringing, experience, knowledge, thinking ability and personality. I agree.... There is a great many who are 'inflexible", driven by various biases, bigotry and many other groomed influences. Often some of such types, give off signals of their rigidity and present many aspects in their daily living, which shows them to be mechanistically stiff. For a great many, who do embrace the presence of compassion, who will use their ability of reasoning to make concessions for a variety of concerns and interest. Some things we find reason to "let it go"... in doing so, at times, it means also cutting ties. Not everyone is as "advertised".... and some people have agenda's which consider nothing but their self concerned interest, as well as being driven by raw vanity, greed, envy, resentment and other such character types. This leads back to the original post... "the need to communicate" , and some character types can be discerned from external viewing of conduct, and in such cases, we make instinctive decisions as well as other selective choices as to whether we will have interaction or not. We've seen in society among things people do.. where some 'return over and over to an abusive relationship"... it happens to men, and it happens to women where they seek ways to justify the other persons abuse, some even give blame upon self, as a means to justifying accepting abuse. I've read many stores of people who are irrationally cruel, who lock kids in closets, cages, and other horrible conditions, as well as many other acts people do to others. This includes the wide range of mental infections they work to instill in others. Society today, has so many people who do atrocious things to kids, as well as others.... and the wide range of the internet has made it possible to spread the news of the vast array of human abuses, depicted from around the world. We can read many things and some of it is unfathomable how one could be so cruel and driven by such levels of inhumanity toward and upon and against others. There is historical documentation that continue to have added content everyday of these vile acts, which seem to have a cycle of perpetuation's in people, homes, families and even within organizations and groups. There is a need for spiritual principles which promote the respect of humanity, environments, systems and organizations of civil society as well as individualized self conduct. It takes much work within self to learn and manage how we control our emotionally driven impulses. We can learn so much in many ways from many things: I learn a great deal from my dogs, I observe their sense of dignity toward me and with each other, their want and determination to be congenial as well as their protective instincts. (Its so oddly interesting, I never liked them to just gobble down things, , and I would think, why do they "gobble down things like cookies" without slowing down to actually enjoy it. My dogs now.. I can give them a cookie, and they don't just gobble it down, they "eat it slowly", breaking off pieces at a time.  I keep food in their bowl at all times, where they can feel free to eat when they want to. Often during the day when I'm working, they normally will not eat. But when I come home and settle down, they will go and eat, and sometimes, they go in the night and eat. One sleeps beside the bed, the other will sleep in the den, where she has a view of the front and back doors, or she may sleep in the hallway, and sometimes late in the night, she may come in the bedroom and sleep in front of the door, or may sleep beside the bed. They know instinctively how to maintain a sense of "sentry". I don't know what they do all day, but they don't mess with things. Its rather interesting, because it appears they know on weekends, they get to stay outside much of the day if the weather is good. If the doorbell rings, they head for the front door, and even sometimes at night, they have come to the bed and wake me. I go check the house and all is fine. but it is as if their sense of sentry tells them, that a check is needed, so they let me know. Once I check, they will lay back in their respective spots. In the morning, when I write, they come in or sit at the door to my computer room, or may come in and lay, sometimes, they come as if to convey, that I've not given them any attention. When I get ready to leave for work, its like they go into "freeze mode", they stand very still and watch me leave. They are very adaptive to me and what ever is going on. I was sick with a cold a week or so ago, and they were very considerate in how they watched my every move and would check on me, and then lay back down, when I acknowledge them. They also have their "safe zones", where they go when they are feeling neglected or maybe even when they feel uncomfortable in some way about something.
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My story is the worst. I sympathized my ex and married him to give him Green Card, social security #, credit card, ... He had only $34.85 in his checking account, but always had $200+ cash in his pocket. He lived with his older sister house for 5 years, no S.S.#, no job. They fought. My ex was too lazy lived with his sister but not helped any work or paid (he couldn't). He had Taiwan dentist license but never worked because mandatory military for 2 yrs. Then studied GRE English for a year. He came 1/1981 and lived with his married sister with 3 kids. He had never attended any dental school in USA, but failed six years for CA dentist license until I showed up. I was his dental crown patient to pass his dentist license in CA. He proposed to me after I known to him for 2 & 1/2 months. He got his Green Card, S.S. # from me. I thought as long as I gave him legal working s.s. #, he would make money for me. He is a lazy slacker for all his life. He didn't attend U.S. dental school, so not dare to work for other dental office. So, I helped to establish a dental office. I paid the construction, dental chairs, X-ray machines, X-ray developer, front desk, ... I had worked at that dental office for 4 & 1/2 years during two pregnancies. He is very lazy, no career motivation. He doesn't want to make money but depended on me for food, house, car, furniture, paid all the expenses. He has done nothing. I left the dental office and started my pharmacist career when my son was just passed 3 yrs old. I have worked two jobs to provide family of 4. After I went to work for my pharmacist job, he became even more lazy. Only 1 or 2 patients a week. Lazy to claim dental insurance. He is a slowpoke. I couldn't get any money from him. It was a sad story. I've waited 17 & 1/2 yrs in a unhappy marriage. When my daughter was 16. I showed her her father's annual income was $1,000 and in 2002 he made negative $5,000 as self-employed dentist. A loss of $5K that means his income less than expenses. My daughter said "Daddy is a loser. If I work for McDonald, I can make more money than that". So, I filed divorce in May 2004, he moved out on June 1, 2004 (separation date). To my surprise, he hired 2 Jewish attorneys for divorce case. He asked alimony from me, but the divorce judge said you both have licenses, each person can't ask alimony to another. Judge told me at her chamber that was only thing she could help me. Under community property law I have to give him 1/2 even he didn't pay. That was the reason, I haven't settle my divorce after 13 & 1/2 yrs. I don't want to give him free 1/2 million. Honesty is the best policy.
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After I filed divorce, when he saw me he asked me to give him money, begged me not to divorce him. I can't change a lazy person. I can't accept him. But he is entitled to get my properties in half. My mom fell down in her condo. The social worker said I can't let a 80+ old lady to live alone. So, I quit my job and moved my mom to live with me. I took care of her for near 5 yrs. I went back to Taiwan in 1/2011 and sold the family house and wired the money back to USA. That is my mom's money, so I purchased properties in late 2011 in Las Vegas using my mom's living trust as title. My mom passed away in Sept 2013. So, for those properties in my mom's name are safe that my ex can't get. I rent out those properties as my income now. I have left my pharmacist job too long, no pharmacy would hire me. Those rental income became my source of income. Luckily I bought the right time (when every street had "Foreclosure house for sale"), those properties now near double. I don't want to sell because if I sell, I won't get rental income. The saving account interest is too low. I went to a "living trust" seminar and changed all my properties to "living trust" in Dec 2017 for my daughter and son, if I die prematurely. My residence is my major problem. My ex can get 1/2, if I decide to settle the divorce. If I die before him, he can get the whole one million. So, I set-up "living trust" to protect my 1/2 for my two children. My son personality is similar to his father, lazy, slowpoke. He wasted 10 yrs time after high school graduation. Finally in August 2017, he got admission to Cal Poly studying "computer science". I have problem to deal with lazy persons. I can divorce my ex, but I can't change my son. My daughter has same personality like me, very ambitious, diligent, smart, confident, ... She got free tuition for her pre=med double majors program, but I paid her dormitory and rent. She got perfect scores of 1,600 for both her SAT I and II and President George W. Bush gave her "U.S. Presidential scholarship", Secretary of Education gave her "U.S. Merit scholarship" plus full scholarship from UC (Univ. of Calif.). However, the post-graduated 4 yrs, she owed student loan of $350,000 in total. She is working as a "Resident Surgeon" at a hospital in Detroit where the temperature is under zero. Honesty is the best policy.
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Don't choose a wrong spouse. I had hope to marry a dentist, but became disappointed, then despair. I have never seen a person so lazy, couch-potato to watch TV. He said TV is the cheapest tool to learn English, news, entertainment, ball games, ... He even doesn't need to pay TV set or electricity. Everything is free. He stashed his income and walked away with those cash money. The bank statement don't show the deposit because he cashed out the checks. Don't choose a lazy spouse. I am stuck in an unhappy marriage and couldn't get out of it. My banker CEO had the same problem to give away 1/2 of his wealth in 1997. He told me to finalize the divorce, but I can't give-up half of my residence. Where can I live with smaller house?? My ex didn't pay and he is out of money to hire his attorneys, so he didn't come back to ask me to sell house. My orthodontist friend suggested me to sell my mom's properties to give my ex 1/2 million and keep my house. My physicist friend said don't give my ex any money. One of my MD date said "Divorce is to punish the hardworking spouse and reward to the lazy spouse". Every giver divorcee has been daunted by divorce. Honesty is the best policy.
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This post is not directed at any particular individual: It's about.. life and things and the ways life brings us to make discerned choices with our life. Sometimes within living, unfortunate as it becomes to be, it take tribulations, pains, losses and other variable of challenges to move us from what many have been as to things with elements of vanity driving us...within aims that drove our initial choice. Then when trouble and changes come, with its pains and pings, we move through to its truths, to get to a place, where we become better equipped to make "spiritually motivated choices". it takes time, as discussed in the initial posting, to "learn each other". Then is when we find and choose a "love that works"... We as People often get lots of things caught within the spins in what we think makes life... Great and Fulfilling. First !!! we must come to learn - "No one gets everything"... yet through spirit we can learn to appreciate many things, and in moderation we can enjoy the things within our life and this world. We always get a mix of the good, the bad and the indifferent. It's up to us, to discern what we will give our focus unto as well as what become the choices for and of our spiritual motivations. Life always brings us to points, that we have to come to learn, to make "Spiritually motivated choices". Choices that has less to do with money, image, status, title, sex, and all such things as such things are often connected to vain concerns. Often we don't even realize that many times our choice may have been driven by some sort of vanity, until pains awaken us through its challenges and calamities of various sorts. . Then.... We come to learn the true value of what is "companionship" for the sake of our spiritual needs of self, to share and have shared the spiritual motivations and reality within and of as well as throughout our relationships. It's a hard lesson in life to learn many things and among such learning is, to learn: Money is not the answer, it is simply a tool of convenience, it may to some provide convenience, and to others it can become a vice. Again, its up to the person to discern the focus they will give their spiritual motivations as it concerns money. The same is true with sex, Sex is not the Answer. We come to learn that the delusion of think that getting more is suppose to make one happy, we over time come to find such thinking is a fallacy. We have to overcome the delusion that being pretty is suppose to makes ones sex organ function better than another, is one of the greatest fallacies that plagues man and woman. Such thinking has robbed many of the natural passions of which is natural to the spiritual appreciation of what is sex, and how it fits within life and relationships. No one can "screw themselves into happiness'. If more sex was suppose to make people more happy, the sex workers and porn stars would be the happiest people on earth, but truth is: Time proves them to live through miseries and loose the value of even their conscience self, and some never gain awareness of their spiritual self, and some loose even the concept of value of their spiritual self, and struggle like crazy through much hell... trying to learn how to regain their spiritual self. . I'd say anyone and maybe everyone, should go read the stories of the "after porn life" for the people who have been the biggest stars in that industry".. or the after life of sex workers when youth and other such things are it is not a pretty picture. The Titans' of the 1800's and Early 1900's found that wealth beyond belief did not make them happy, many became philanthropist, and came to the conclusion that to die with such volume of wealth was a greater tragedy, as many of the things they did to obtain it. They saw need to try and give back, to seek to balance out some good, for the damages they knew it cost, for them to build various industries, so they set up massive foundations and set out in a race, to see who could give back the most, but more so, who could do it in ways that benefits many generations to come. Thus so, again... we see the premise of the "good, the bad and the indifferent" and the pursuit of Spiritual motivations becoming the desired pursuit of individual, to discern the need among the choices, to seek means and ways to do good. Not just for themselves but for others. Therefore, in the tragedy challenges within and of relations and the trial and tribulations of divorces that some encounter. It still comes down to the spiritual motivations within ones own soul, that become the salvation that helps them find the more spiritual self within themselves.
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It's quite amazing, that this is suppose to be a "friend-finders", "mate-finders" site.. and so many have not words to contribute to the commentary. The silence is deafening. which may indicate why so many simply have short turbulent "flings", and not connections of Love strengths. It does not matter what ethnicity, or gender, nor the age one is... the nature of challenge in relationships and self is the same. The challenge is, for spiritual bonding within building and sustaining love and making relationships that have communion and unity within spiritual selves. Yes, many carry many pains from broken or lost relations or relations that met with loss. But, one cannot get back to base to be and live fully, until they open up, first with themselves about what are their ache's... One can't heal what they have not taken the choice to acknowledge. Facing such pains and fears is the first step to rebuilding ones spirit. A few have shared their challenges, and in doing so, they are stepping toward finding means to heal their situations, so they can move on to build love in thier lives that fulfills the spiritual nature within themselves, that they many feel open and motivated to share it. They tread with cautions of care, as they have come to know the need for spirit filled companionship, and the want to honor the spirituality of loving. Others may wrap themselves within forms of "wrath", where they carry an anger that lingers and in the lingering, it takes more from them, than the exercise of wrath can give unto them. A bitter heart will have much challenge with trying to love, they will have many walls that they can't surmount, which must be removed, before they can move forward freely to love. That means, "growth"!!! When they desire with a spirit filled passion to grow from ad through the learning, they move on then... with the openness and willingness to love again. (It is not always easy, and often it is not easy at all, it takes facing things within self, and moving past the game of "blame", because there is often not a clear answer in the blame game... It's a spin, that takes one in a downward spiral. And they wonder.... how did they get so far from the ability to "want to build love again". This in no way, means "casually dismiss what one must give time to learn".... it simply means; invest in the learning, that one is not trapped by times passage extending itself, to the point it deprives one of the opportunity to give into their years of life, the engagements of loving. No one can go back and get yesterday, nor can they go back and change what was within yesterday. But one can learn much from yesterday, to make better today, and prepare themselves to seek out better tomorrows. its a choice, that only each "individual" makes for and within themselves. No one else can make that choice for another. Some hold out based on many things, but one may well consider, what of vanity is within those things... when they figure it out, they can then move on to seek a better "spiritual bonding". There are some who even when they choose, they are filled with "reservations", always looking for the "next best things"... be it based on money, looks, or other elements of vanities fancy. Truth is simple... Look at "older couples"... or Older people in general.. the "youthful image has by such time, changed", because that is the nature of life. Therefore... is one base it on temporary things, they may be choosing a temporary situations. The same is true of money, "it comes and it goes", that's the nature of what is money, it has no value if it does not circulate, as it was by design made to circulate, therefore, it may at time present itself in many "temporary conditions", some times its more, sometimes it less, sometimes it available, and sometimes it unavailable. And when such temporary things change, people are finding themselves in a variety of loveless situations. Or; looking back at nothing more than a string of many broken relations. Such ones many times, look back, with a mind filled with blames upon the others, but truth finds, they may have learned little of themselves and what role they had in the string of broken relations. If one looks at simple things that tell big stories about what is truths... When a relation is new, people hit the bed every time they want to be together, but in the span of long term relationships, their bed time engagements, may become something that is not a daily or nightly activity. When age comes, it may even find that it become more infrequent, but by then, they've build bonds, that go far and beyond the urgency's of sexual activities they felt when they first met if it was based more on sex, when the frequency changes, so does their will to stay in the relation, because they have based it on temporary things. There is no escape from the Truth, other than to embrace it, and become melded within it. that means... on has to come to terms with self, and find the spiritual meaning within themselves of how they consider and hold care for the spirituality of companionship and the respectful grace to think in terms of honor for what is each relationship, they may have attempted. Every relationship has become a part of making whom we as an individual is, at this given time. Therefore, it is of best to find what was good about it and hold that dear, and learn from what was bad about it, and grow from it. No one can go back and get yesterday, nor can they go back and change what was within yesterday. But one can learn much from yesterday, to make better today, and prepare themselves to seek out better tomorrows. its a choice, that only each "individual" makes for and within themselves. No one else can make that choice for another. Strange Stuff and Weird Things-- have consumed many, and caused much tragedy, and destroyed and taken many lives. Because so many, "refuse to think beyond their on vanity, or learn more of themselves through their tribulations and pains" and have resorted to take out vengeance upon and against others and themselves. Such ones... have by such time... lost the meaning and value of Spiritual Learning, Spiritual Growth, and they have fought away Spiritual Compassion.... And the result has been, and continues to be for such types... a life of Strange Stuff and Weird Things. "They've by such point, become a destroyer, of self, and the lives of others, by their mind of wrath upon and against, the same ones, they once thought they loved. They failed to build through spiritual understanding... they based the relation on all the wrong things, and their sense of self measure was based upon worldly things, not spiritual truths.
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