codamuse 60M
13 posts
9/6/2010 12:19 pm
9/6/2010 – The Age Thing


I see a few are reading this thing. I hope we can learn from each other.

Older woman
Today is day three and I have been doing allot of unsuccessful searching and posting with the exception of one woman that seems interesting. I'm still wondering about the age thing though. On one hand, the love of my life was a woman allot older than me leading to a great 10 year relationship, which makes me think I should strive for an older woman again. After all, I love an experienced, educated woman who has the confidence to say what she wants in a romantic context. But I also might have to contend with transferred anger, fault and criticism from previous failed relationships or marriages which is not cool at all. I get it. We all invest our time, our love, and life into another person with the reasonable expectation that love will last, only to get heart broken later down the line. But does that mean we have the right to deny the heartbreak and allow that bitterness and disappointment to bubble into future relationships? In this sense some of us will always be alone in the long run, wasting the time of those we meet, quickly getting bored and moving on to the next because we don't take the time to know and love ourselves better. So, is an older woman the way to go? Probably not but there is always the exception so I will keep an open mind.

What about a younger chick?
I've been reading a lot of profiles and they all seem to say the same thing. Woman in general seem to want a kind, generous, funny, educated man, bla bla bla. This says nothing really because all of us have the ability to change if we want to; if we have the courage and patience to take the time.

As a guy, my instinct (unrealistic fantasy) is objectify a woman; to get with the hottest youngest chick I can find, but to what end? Looks fade, what else have you got? Maybe this is why some men strive so hard to be “successful”; to be good enough to attract the “right” woman, looks and all, with no regard to physical age. Its kind of ironic in a sense. I remember when I was in my 20's I was very intimidated by pretty girls my age. I remember thinking why would such a beautiful woman have any interest in me. What do I have to offer? I remember being over confident, maybe even a little arrogant, to keep the prettiest girls away from me so I wouldn't have to deal with rejection. The “reject them first before they reject me” is a piss poor strategy in retrospect. But then again, I perceive allot of younger girls now with the same strategy. Go figure, I think like a chick. Whats also ironic is that now instead of worrying about what I have to offer a woman, I am equally concerned about what she has to offer me? What can you contribute to our potential household? Are you a nurse, a teacher, a lawyer, a doctor, a scientist? It all matters now so I would have to say that good looks cannot stand alone. A girl has to have more to offer these days so there is always something to do or talk about. I think boredom will kill any relationship so if you look good you better have a few other talents.

Well, that's it for now. Thanks for listening to me process this experience so far. I have never cared about the age of a woman as long as she looks good to me but maybe I should. Everyone else seems to. Time will tell I suppose.

beyondfantasy3 113M
4740 posts
9/6/2010 8:35 pm

funny but good commentary. the oddity is equally funny, because our lives are always a series of getting plus and minus in the things we settle upon, because there is no perfection, and we continually, make compromises of every sort, on a daily basis. things change, people expand in what they express, and some become reluctant in what they express, for a wide variety of reasons.

There are plus to the older woman, and plus to the younger woman, in general concept.
there is also, the spectrum of some women just want to be pleased, and some what to share pleasing. Some want to be chased and won, and some simply want to share.

Some select but they don't really choose, some test, but they don't truly invest. some hold out looking for more and what they term better, even after they select or choose, they may remain with an openness to keep looking.

All in all, it will generally come down to communication and how that facilitates relation..

but one thing is for sure, when you keep your mind open to look at realism, much will be seen, and a lot will present itself to be seen. and still, it comes down to "making choices", and none come with a guarantee.