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Learn The Language of Intimacy Sharing this essay with you: If we think of ourselves as protected by many layers of emotional cotton batting, then intimacy represents the gradual unwrapping of these layers until we stand in one another's presence with the secrets of our hearts unveiled. Intimacy is achieved through the communications that spring from our depths and reach our depths. The more we partake of such communication, the greater the sense we have that we are not alone; that, in fact, at the core we're all deeply connected. The communication of intimacy is an art form all its own. It has its own style and language. Unlike the conversations of business, which focus on facts and figures, or the language of pleasure, which often takes the form of planning---what movie to go to, where to get the best ice-cream soda---the communication of intimacy springs from emotion and uses a language which is, by definition, personal. It uses the word I---I need, I feel, I'm scared of, I'm having a difficult day; I love you so deeply---and it focuses on feelings. Indeed the communications that create the deepest sense of intimacy are the clear, strong, beautiful words through which we bring out the feelings we have deep inside. When you express your feelings(as opposed to your opinions or ideas), you create a sense of intimacy because you're showing your real self. You will find the exact words for your feelings when you just look inside yourself and ask, what am I feeling? What do I need to say right now? And then take the risk of simply and directly putting it into words. Whatever you feel---your secret hopes, your feelings of shame or inadequacy, your fears, your hurt---deserves to be expressed. When you express these things out loud, you open a window to the sensitive inner corridors of your being and invite your beloved to shine a light in. Until we dare to speak from this place, we will be condemned to the superficial in relationship---who's going to pick up the , why the oven doesn't work. We will never feel close, known, or connected so long as we play it safe in how we communicate. Indeed, the language of intimacy is the language of risk. It takes chances by putting great ones and the lousy, ugly, icky one---all on center stage. So if you truly want intimate communication, an experience of emotional and spiritual closeness, start speaking your feelings---and realize that reaching this point of connectedness won't just come out of nowhere. It will take work(practice) and grace(really speaking the heart-touching words) and risk(the willingness to reveal yourself)---but it will certainly be worth the effort. |
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4/22/2013 8:23 am |
完全赞同此文的观点。身为老中，基于多年北美生活经验，本人深切体味到在人际沟通（尤其是深度交流）方面咱们与老外（尤其是老美）的差异（文化差异因吧）。具体一点说，咱们讲求个“不言而喻”“心有灵犀”之类的相互理解，解释多了不单多余，往往还起副作用，比如伤面子或令人产生误解。然而，这种方式只有在彼此处于同一文化背景且具备完全一样经历的条件下才能成功；一旦面对陌生人，或进入一个新环境（比如当前的全球化时代），则远不如西式的直接简明细致（理性主导）的沟通方式来得有效。这篇短文从“沟通心理学”的角度说明了人们在深层——例如情感和精神层面——沟通时的难点，说到了点子上。Thanks for sharing.
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It amazes me how these people never comment on much, as if they don't understand that 'interaction" is what give life to the site.
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yes..
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