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A woman's repentance: Love Shenzhen don't love America I know it was a special case, couldn't represent all. So don't shout at me because of the post  A Chinese woman showed her own experience to the public at Shenzhen airport, with an appeal: love Shenzhen don't love America. According to her story, her name was Shuya, had ever lived in Shenzhen for several years. 3 years ago she married an American man whom she met in a local bar in Nanshan district of Shenzhen. Later she moved to America but found she had to spend her own money for paying back the tax that her U.S. husband owed. Furthermore, She experienced domestic abuse 2 months ago and the man was sentenced to 2 years of probation after she called the police. During her stay with her husband she had spent all her money and owed a debt of tens of thousands of yuan. She is going through the procedure of divorce right now. 爱深圳吧！别爱美国＊—我叫舒雅，曾在深圳生活数年，因胡思乱想盲目崇洋，于三年前在深圳南山一酒吧结识该美国男子并与其结婚。后来竟发现其每月都要拿出部分工资偿还其所欠美国税款。和他在一起，不但花掉我多年积蓄，还让我负债数万元。我被骗了财、色和感情。是我自作自受。现因两个月前我在美国遭其家暴而报警，使他被当地法院判定为两年缓刑。现在他每周须去一次缓刑官处报到并接受教育。目前，我正忙于离婚。劝告一下正想嫁给美国人的姐妹们，千千万万不要步我后尘！  I leave no trace of wings in the air, but I am glad I have had my flight. ---- Rabindranath Tagore |
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The question may be: Why is this woman making a spectacle of herself based on a choice she made that did not turn out as she expected ? At any point before her money was gone she could have said "no", that she did not feel it was fair to pay off his past debts. but she could have followed up saying, she is willing to contribute to their daily living on a equal basis, such as 1/2 rent, 1/2 groceries and 1/2 utilities and such things. Equally so, did she and the guy reach an agreement for her to contribute to his 'past bills", and if she did agree to contribute to his past bills, then what is the story about? what did they agree would be their pathway once those bills were cleared up? what did they agree as being their financial plan once those past bills were cleared up? What motivated her to want to pay off his past tax debts? What did she expect to get by paying off his past tax debts? Did she not stop and think? If he has past tax debts,why did this not signal to her, that he does not manage his financial affairs every well? at that point, she should have kept her money in safe keeping, and only contribute to sharing the monthly living cost on a 50 50 basis. If she had done that, she would not have thrown her money into the pit, nor would she be making a public display of herself based on some choices she made. he could not just take her money, because that would have been a crime, and she could file suit or have him arrested.. but, the result is she made a choice to use her money this way. Why did she tell him how much she had, and why would she volunteer to agree to pay his past debt? People have to ask themselves reasonable questions when it comes to money and relationships. Anyone who is claiming to be a victim, first should ask if they were in a situation where 'bondage forced submission" ? was it a system of arrangement that had enforced program structure which denied her the ability to have voice or actions to make independent choices and act on them without opposition and or impediments.? A relationship should not function like a program of enslaved by another acting as having slaver dominance over another . Nor should conditions be where on feels like an indentured servant ... and certainly not a situation where governance laws impose a segregationist program where one is privileged and the other is subservient. When relationships happen with foreign people mating each other.. One may do themselves a favor by not assuming that all people from some place are well off and have a dream life, nor should one think their life is so much less that they can accept anything and buy into any illusion or become easily disillusioned. It's easy for a person with a few thousand dollars to go to any country which has a large currency transaction rate. that thousand dollars may look like 30 thousand dollars while they are on their vacation or temp stay in another land.. but reality sets in when they come back home. Many people in foreign places assume because one has an amount of money to spend during their vacation or short stay, is any indication of them having wealth when they return home. Because many people save up for these vacations, and some go in debt for these vacations. and the exchange rate may make it appear they have un-expendable funds balance.. but reality is often times found to be far less the case when the woman falls for it and moves to a different country based on such. There are some who do have the inexhaustible funds when they return home, but that is not always the case and never should be assumed to be the case. Many people will exaggerate their financial position while they are on vacation or a short business trip or such.. they may even themselves become disillusioned to think they have more, because the exchange rate gave them more dollars for their dollars.. at some point reality will balance the books.. It's like any vacationer going to China and get 7 dollars for every dollar.. yest they can do 7 times more than they can based on the economy of the place they are visiting. It's like Thailand. I got 32 bath for every dollar, and the cost of thing was far cheaper than if I'd bought the same things in America.. so its easily to feel that one is living the good life.. But it is short term and no more than the time of the vacation, once that is over, reality will come back to being reality in relation to the actual financial position once I returned home. Not many people are going to show, tell or present documents of their financial standing to anyone they meet. For me personally I don't think any woman be it here in the USA or any foreign country has any business asking me what is my financial holdings? it is none of their business !!!!! If I meet a woman who has money, I'm not going to ask her to pay my past bills.. I'm not going to ask her to buy me anything, because its her money, it is not mine. I still have to work, and I still have to manage my expense.. If she has a lot of money and wants to live more high style than my money can afford.. then she needs to tell me, what % of monthly expense I am responsible for.. that way I know I am contributing according to my financial means.. or it may be best we live at a means of which my 50% is equal to the 50% she pays.. and neither of us are at a disadvantage. it's like I met a entertainer and they have 50 million dollars.. then they simply need to tell me, on a monthly basis what I'm respectfully expected to contribute on a monthly basis.. her household upkeep cost monthly may be 5 times what I earn, but that does not matter, because she is telling me what I can contribute to feel whole in the situations. maybe my contribution will only pay the water bill, but at least I'm going to pay the water bill.. In such a situation, she may tell me something like, I only have to pay to take us to dinner once a month, at least its an agreement that helps us be whole. People have to be reasonable in working out agreements based on the conditions they find themselves. anything can be worked out among people.. even if one has no money, there is still means to work out an agreement so each feels whole and each feels they are meeting the contributory agreement in a manner where they each can feel whole and no one is feeling abused.
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people need to get to know each other... as INDIVIDUALS.. the delusion that all white men are wealthy, is a fallacy... and all too often as many other Asian's have said, too many Chinese women have the illusion that "all white men are wealthy", and it influences their choices more than taking their time to find a relations built on understanding. If a Chinese woman wants to marry a foreigner, or a foreigner wants to marry a Chinese, they should have the same level of discernment, as if they were choosing someone of their own culture and ethnicity... Drop the fantasy search and choose a mate as a human being, and leave the thought of 'money' out of it... and people won't find these kind of nightmares. Men need to realize that an Asian woman is not going to give you any more P---y than any other woman can, and regardless of the woman's ethnicity, when it comes to p-----y it is still and never will be any more than a sex organ, and every woman has one, and they all work the same way. and Asian women need to realize, a foreign man is not going to just give you his money... so, people better get to know and come to actually like and appreciate the individual. Foreign men, need to realize ... Asian women are not like the media tries to present on the Television, they are not 'submissive" and they are not going to be 'docile"... they are human beings, who can, will and do think their own thoughts. and they act on their thoughts like any other human being. If one wants a Mannequin, they had better find a mannequin factory and buy one, but if you want a woman, regardless of her ethnicity, then you had first best see her as an individual human being. Maybe if people get rid of these delusions, they might be able to actually see each other as individuals.
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