| Blogs > lucywell > My Blog |
|
How long does it take you to know someone well? I was asked a similar question years ago, and my answer was 1 year. Maybe it's because I'm not wise enough. Recently a friend of mine told me that she's getting engaged. She was arranged to blinddate with her fiance in late March, it's only been less than 4 months. I wasn't very surprised though. A couple of months ago she told me that her boyfriend wanted to get marriage certificate on July 7th, Lunar calendar, which is Valentine's Day in China, but she wasn't sure. Now it seems they are getting married very soon, although in China people tend to get marriaged legally and then choose a good date to hold the wedding. I wish them happy together forever. But I'm still not sure if I could know someone well enough to marry him within such a short time. |
|||
|
maybe the short time also does not give them excessive time to create an unreasonable list of criteria.. this may be to their advantage, where they can actually live learning and sharing and growing together.. Rather than like most people. ( for some) the longer they stay together before they marry, the longer the list of 'set in stone concepts they develop" and the less motivated they are to change with life and grow with the times. Life re-shapes all of us, from day to day, living changes each of us in its own unique ways. What kills relationships is expectations which people push upon other and turn the expectation into a demand for submission.. followed by an ultimatum.. ( this is the mindset of most dictator type lovers), who try to hold the other person hostage with their expectations, demands and threats. some manipulators do all they can to try and change the other, but they refuse to work on changing anything about themselves or their own mindset , these types no matter if they are together 10 yrs before marriage, their chances are not much better than someone who meets for 4 months, if the person of 4 months spend their time trying to change the other rather than change themselves. Many relationships are destroyed by many women, who have thoughts that everything is all about them, they want to dictate about the house, about the things that make up the relations, they want to dictate when and how romance is shared and then they want to barter sx as if its some kind of gambit object.. { for those who doubt this, ask yourself, how many times have you heard women say - he won't do this or that, he did not give me this or that, he won't change this or that, and etc... } Sadly these type of women, 'over-rate themselves" and think its all about them, and they result to mess up more men lives and many times the children's lives as well.. this is not to say there are not some really messed up men out there as well, but many times it is the expectations of women that send many relationships into downfall cycles.
| ||
|
It's really up to BOTH individuals to put the effort, embrace the work and enjoy the play and fun times with each other, and face their challenges and share in the journey to build a relationships that works for two people. Long ago, people who made families and stayed together did not get lost in the material vanity the media pushes as a fantasy standard. Maybe the run away inflation will bring the next generation back down to realizing they don't need a 20 room house with 10 bathrooms, or they don't need to spend $200 for a dinner out, and they don't need gowns that cost thousands of dollars. Maybe they may learn that the label on a degree is not as important as this generation tries to make it seem. maybe even women will realize that their sex organ does not given them an instant relief of being a responsible person for her acts and actions. Nor does it mean she should be treated like some goddess.. it just might take a new generation that learns that all the vain material measure is not what is important, then men and women might just relearn how to be simply people, who can appreciate and work with each other.
|
