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The hand that rocks the cradle The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world -- William Ross Wallace (1819-1881). No where is the culture gap greater then with the Chinese woman and a western man such as myself. Throughout the many chats I have had with Chinese ladies, I find that they somehow believe they are beneath a man. In a few instances they told me the reason they divorced was because they did not give birth to a boy. I find this very shocking because the sex of the baby is determined by the father, not the mother. Ladies this is proven science, if you give birth to a girl, it is the man's fault, not yours! The other shocking thing I find are the large numbers of Chinese women who stay with a man who cheats! First of all, you are the women! You are the mothers of both men and women! Raise your boys to respect women! If your man cheats, kick his butt out! Chinese women need to change the thinking of the Chinese man. You are their mothers! Teach them that disrespecting any woman is disrespecting their mother! |
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Sadly some cultures teach that mentality to both men and women... the times are fast changing and many Chinese men are not adjusting as well as the Chinese women are, because the women are learning they have the independence of appreciating self and want to be a mutual participant in relationship.... Western men, took it too far the other directions, he spent decades kissing up to the Western woman, until she feels not only that she is better than the man, she feels often times that she is the controller of the man. The only balance point from these varying perspectives is ' shared appreciation as man to woman, woman to man... as person.
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Well, can I say you just see the surface of things? Firstly, it's a common sense now the sex of baby is not determined by the mother. You are right, it's not the mother's fault if she gives birth to a baby girl. Today's mothers know this exactly but why some of them still have to take the consequence to be divorced? One of the possibilities is that the family really prefer boys than girls very much because they want a boy to carry on the family name, which is an old concept influencing Chinese people for thousands of years. In this case the husband is under a lot of pressure. Since China is a country carrying out one child policy, how can he get a boy again after he already had a baby girl? The only legal way is to be divorced and marry another woman again! In essence, women are victims of this type of old concepts. All people know it's not her fault, but finally she is the one who takes the consequence. There is too much unfairness in this world, what a woman can do is that open her eyes and see the man clearly before marrying him. Secondly, if a woman still chooses to stay with a man after he cheats, there are also some possibilities, for the sake of kids, for not hurting old people of both families, for economic reasons...You put the question here because you don't even know the differences between China and America on women protection from social welfare and social security system. China is not like America, if a woman can't be financially indenpendent, she will live a very tough life after she divorced, especially when she has to take care her kids as well. Some women are not afraid of a tough life herself, but she can't bear her kids living in a tough time. The spirit of self-sacrifice of Chinese women, is not that western men can easily understand. Ignorance of and within some rituals and folklore traditions can be a terrible thing when it's misplaced and set into some concept of stone... It is further astounding that in the world of information and the expanse of knowledge that people choose ignorance based on the folklore spread of embellished and often mis-interpreted traditions... such people will stifle thinking, and insult the options of rationale, to cling to something that is no longer function and has many embellished biases built within it. As far as the matter of sex and women, one thing is a fact, no man can use it up, nor wear it out.... and every month her body will produce more egg's during the fertile years. As to the society with the trips about kids, Men are no better off in a system if there is child support, because he will have his earning debited to cover those children... so unless he makes a fortune, the next woman that get's him, will have to deal with the fact that part of his income is already attached... if that is something of concern in mating choices. As to China, its sad they don't have some robust programs to assist women with the children, but more so, there needs to be some system put in place to debit the mans income to help with those kids. I don't believe in Alimony... but I certainly think Child support is and should be required. Alimony may be short term necessary, especially if the man did not want the woman to work or become skilled in some usable talent for employment. then he may pay Alimony for the term that it takes her to at least complete a Vocational Course. As to mistreating single women with kids, I don't see that as something any humane society should be engaged in doing. I also think single women have to be responsible, not to continue making more and more babies after the first one, if she has no means of supporting herself, or she is not going to stay with the father. But to have 3 or more kids by different father, is a challenge for any woman and the consequence may become a big challenge in such situations... As to an answer... I don't know what that could be, because that kind of situations has many variables that has to be addressed.... but still she should not be neglected nor mistreated or discounted by any means... because she still is a woman, a mother and a person who is an individual.
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