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good luck to you, im kind of the same situation but my divorce is over about 3 years now and just now trying to find love again, i miss having a hand to hold and a body to hug. Congrats.
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Spending 8 yrs in limbo is a very long time, which is far more than sufficient for any person to make a decision as to what they want in a relationship. Thus so, it should not have been difficult for him to "state his ideas", "his thoughts", "his wants" and "what his true feelings are about many things, including himself, and what he feels about you, as well as what he feels about himself as to being married, and what he wants as to a wife, and how he wants to see himself as a husband. Not many people would remain "open" to reconciliation after 8 yrs of limbo and even after living apart and having created their own life separate from each other. After seeing reading your varied posting and seeing your pictures, which I particularly liked the one where you were standing, you seem very poised and with a good personal manner and good social and presentation manner. I know images are images, but words and images do convey much. In this world, everyone wants something specific to their aspirations about life. I know nothing of the guy, nor the inter-working of your relations. It does appear that you have a good sense about dignity and integrity, to have met with his parents in such a manner to discuss the marriage. Which is a good thing, because his parents will "always be their grandparents" by birth blood, and it appears that you have been open to him to have opportunity to represent and be their father. As well as considered the thoughts and feelings of the kids in the whole of matters. All such things being, then hopefully at this point of divorce, each are free to be. And all contentions of any sort are put to rest. I applaud both for giving each of you the time to think, consider and come to an understanding. There's more than enough animosities in the world, and hopefully, there is none between the two of you in reaching the understanding to accept divorce, without making it a situation of enemies of any sort. You will find what you want, because you are not afraid to "COMMUNICATE", and it is always the fruits of "communication" that makes a relationship share the honesty of one with another and unto each other.... Everything else become a graced gift from and through communication, within making relationships grow and bond. Equally so... one has to wish to him the best in finding what he too desires of relations within his future.
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I applaud you for this statement : "I believe it happened because we both made mistakes" Acknowledging that truth is certainly the best way to move forward. It also accepts the learning and the responsibility that it takes to embrace the learning. None of us will ever be "perfect people", it simply is not reality, but knowing that, can certainly help us accept our mistakes and move on in being even better at living as a individual who wants to live a life that is honest with themselves. There are so many people, who refuse to accept they make mistakes, and go on to torment themselves with mindsets of blame on the other. but to truly learn one has to review and accept their part in what does not work out. The good thing is each of your survived the challenges to move on to a point where you each can make new pathways for your heart. It takes a lot to have and make relationships, and it takes a lot when they don't work out. I say.... how ever things evolve in the future, let communication be the cornerstone... that you may learn the other person, they learn you, as you learn each other... It's work.... and embracing that work... can enrich the feelings of love between two people.
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Divorce is a heart-broken decision. I filed divorce on May 14, 2004 and the judge granted "Legally Separation Date" is June 1st. 2004. So, it has been almost 14 years. Much longer than you, Kayra. I had a dental crown fell off and need a new crown. The dentist told me $500 in 1986 when I was just graduated from USC (Univ. of Southern Calif.) School of Pharmacy. I said "I can't afford it". The dentist told me "there is a dentist who needs 3 patients for his dentist license exam. Your case is one of the three." That was how I met my ex-husband at a dental office. That was the beginning of my mistake in 1986. (I emigrated to USA in 1980 and had my Green Card the day I arrived and became an U.S. citizen in 1985) My ex had been in USA since 1/1981 and he never attended any dental school in USA. He is a licensed dentist in Taiwan but never really practice dental works after he passed his dentist license in Taiwan. Because there is law that all men had to be "military draft" for 2 yrs. After that he attended a "GRE" for English for 1 yr. Then he applied to come to USA with a "student visa" and lived with his older sister's house. He failed his Calif dentist exam for six yrs until I appeared. I volunteer to be his "dental assistant" when taking his dentist license exam in 1986. He passed his license exam that time. He proposed to me "now I passed the dentist exam, if you married me, I can get Green Card." My sympathy to him has been a BIG mistake. After known him for 2 and 1/2 months I married him and helped him to get his Green Card and S.S. # and hoping he could make money. No, he couldn't because he has never attended any U.S. dental school so no dental office would hire him. I asked him how he wanted to do. He said he wanted to have a dental office (self-employed). The construction for a dental office costed $72,000. His father remitted $20,000 from Japan, so my mom gave us same amount $20,000 to match-up and the rest of $32,000 I paid from my savings in 1987. It is very expensive investment. I have worked at the dental office for 4 and 1/2 yrs since opening because I have had two pregnancies and couldn't work as a pharmacist. I soon found out he is a very lazy, stingy and wishy-washy guy. I left the dental office to open my own pharmacy in 1993 when my son was just passed his 3 yrs birthday. My pharmacy career is much successful than his dental business. I have paid everything literally. He is a "couch potato" watching TV to learn English, news, entertainment, ... He didn't pay anything or did any housework. I was busy everyday to make money and take care the family at same time. He stashed money to himself and never contributed any money or work. He cashed out patients' check, so the bank statement didn't show a deposit and he stashed those CASH to himself. The only deposit he made were the insurance payments. When I asked him for money, he said he didn't have money. So, later on, I stopped asking him. I remember when my daughter was in elementary and school had "field trip". I told my daughter to ask her father for money, and she came back to tell me that her father said "Mommy made more money, so mommy should pay for it". My daughter added "don't tell me to ask money from Daddy". My daughter is the eyewitness in the house. When I filed divorce, my daughter said she understood why I wanted a divorce. He is irresponsible person on making money to support a family or did any housework (lazy). When he walked out my house, he turned his head and said "there is no law said how much a dentist should make". He hired two Jewish attorneys and they charge him when my house sold. No, I don't want to sell my million dollar house for that stupid A-hole to get 1/2. That is the main reason, my divorce has been almost 14 yrs. Congrats, Kayra for your divorce finalized. I wish my case is as simple as yours. Honesty is the best policy.
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Congratulations on finally cutting any shackles. You are strong and can delight in life without needing another. Your children need no one other than you (and perhaps your ex). You know and I know if you find a partner, he will be very lucky indeed.
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Congratulations on finally cutting any shackles. You are strong and can delight in life without needing another. Your children need no one other than you (and perhaps your ex). You know and I know if you find a partner, he will be very lucky indeed. This "old ghost 32" is "Laogui". The same Aussie that we used to talk on blogs. He is back when I saw his picture, I recognized him. Honesty is the best policy.
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1classy i think it is pretty likely kayra knows that!  just back to peek in on the blogs, for the rest it is a cot-case here.
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gday bea u may or maynot remember me but i remember when this was a great site to chat and i miss the people , EVEN LAO , i wont say congrats like others have said , because im sure it was a confusing time even as its what u wanted , bea your a warm , intelligent , attractive young lady and i wish every happiness for you
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p s bea i would rather buy you a coffee
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4/1/2018 11:07 am |
Congratulations!! It was a long time. Did you get what you asked for? Did he move or did you? Asking for a friend.
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5/8/2018 7:29 pm |
Sometimes you have to think more about yourself. You being happy is better for your kids than having two parents who aren't enjoying their lives.
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hi bea your a classy beautiful young lady , and i miss the chat rooms here , u derserve all the happinest in the world , take good care mate from the former Art
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Go have fun. Your good life is your best revenge.
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