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question on those members who are still in marriage / relationship but still looking for more recently chats on IM and encountered with a few married male members. If any of them are just want to chats on interesting topics, I felt fine, coz we learn many things from one another. But quite obviously their intentions were not what i expected. one or two would stop chatting after I told them to bring up with real interesting topics. and other just wanted carry to some intimate talks..... So I quit. One question in my mind: why they are still here? with a wife /gf at home? and looking for more than friendship? May be its normal in many countries although with different culture background? But do they really able to enjoy such a relationship,making hundreds of lies to their wife/gs and also probably to the woman they chat with? isn't it too troublesome to make up all these lies, and in the end being found out by the wives and gfs? Do they ever feel guilty about it? Why they want to make their lives so complicated? Complication brings a lot stress too, mentally. And lead to coursing illness, damages to immunity system。 |
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remember not all people are honest,,, some will say married on bio,,,, or something to that fact and have no photo ,, flag  ,,then there are the women who know that these men are not honest and still continue chatting with them which gives the man the impression that it is ok to continue doing what he is doing,,,, I will not mention names ,,,  have a nice day to chatters not looking to have private chat 
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I've met several women from this site. All were married. Some; the husbands were still in China with their young girlfriend and others, the husband lives with them. All, the husband was not romantic and seemed attracted to younger women. Many men in China and other countries, consider women forty+ years old women to be old. They were like most people; I guess. They had a choice to be faithful to a man who didn't want or respect them and sometimes even abused them, or they found peace and comfort in the arms of another. I'm not saying it is right or even a good solution, but for the ladies I speak of who live here, very little income, language barrier and depressing home life, I don't judge them .
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Some people will try to rationalize and justify what they do, when they know they are not honest with their own situation. Result: BS is BS.... !!!! Let them tell it, "It's always the other persons fault" . Empathy/Sympathy Players, there are many.    As some put it in some many words, they are providing a empathy based or sympathy based (service) affair, and they feel that makes them more honorable.
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Ladies, I am very single! And 40 is not old. Write me lets chat.
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"Temptation" is a ever-ready beast in the lives of the married, the unmarried and the despaired- the world today presents options that are overt and covert. pleasure seeking, intimacy pursuits, and many other emotional as well as physical which includes fetishes are presented by the mass volume with the aid of the internet. The media presents images using the old adage "s*x sells" and it provides a 24/7 barrage of imagery to wind up the "temptation factor". (for men and for women !!!!) - It's not likely that the average individual is so overwhelmingly strong to resist all temptations. But in a relationship one has to keep interaction and focus within and upon their mate, their life responsibilities and their claim of values, or it will become the beast that finds its ways to bite you, and for some it may well consume you. Intertwines has existed within the longevity of the human being, some will pursue pleasure and other indulgent activity and some will hold true to the choice and the mate within that choice. There are others maintain reservations of many sorts. People make/take mates in search of money, lifestyle, and as some so vainly proud say, they require a 'degree", some have many criteria's which are not only material, but worldly beyond just the sake of loving an individual. Love cares not about such things, Love cares about Love. Love can make a person squander a fortune through the pains of unrequited love, love can make one walk away from any material substance, in pursuit of fulfilling the essence of whats in the heart of and about loving. It is wise for any, to think and understand, Temptation stands before each choice, and infatuation is often a pre-curor to love, but it can also be a delusion for and unto those who have no intent to work through infatuation to build loving bonds. Everyone claims to want love, the question is to any and all who seek love, "are you within yourself prepared in willingness to love?", are you prepared in understanding and willingless to be and do so to accept love and being loved?" (If you don't know, it may be wise to find out within yourself- before you claim love, you have not prepared yourself to indulge) One can't steal the gifts found within loving without becoming battered, bruised, abused and maybe even brought to lifelessness. To get, have and hold and embrace and enjoy those gifts found within Love, one has to give themselves in to love and be loving within how and whom they love as well as maintaining loving themselves in the doing of love and loving. . Most live with the illusion they have plenty of time - yet, the matter of time one gets is and will always remain and unknown. IF it is Love you want, then it is Love you must give, and the more sincere one is to do and be so, the more they are able to enjoy it in the moments of their living !!!!!! For any and all; "Don't cheat yourself with illusions". Either make love a wonderful and full spectrum part of your life and living, or spin in confusion and find the wanting, continually consuming up your life. Each person has the option to make it a glorious part of their lives or a nightmare in the middle of daily reality.
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"Perspectives of Mental Environments - Impacting Attitudes" Thoughts are many things, how you manage your attitude, will manage your attitude. choose respectfully, and respect what you choose- if communication is a problem, then you can be certain the relationships, will have many problems. Beyond fantasy, always is where you find the rest of your reality. (quoted from my profile)
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"No need to blame the husband. It's their own fault. If they had fight for divorce, for their right, probably husbands in China and men in China would have given Chinese women more respects." I understand what you are saying and in some cases what you say is accurate but not all. Most of the married Chinese ladies I have met here came to America with honest intentions. They work twelve hours a day at manual labor jobs and what money they can spare they send home to a lazy husband. After a Chinese woman lives in America for a while, they all tell me that if they have another chance they would prefer not to marry a Chinese man. American men are not necessarily better, we all have our faults but even on our worst days, we will do more for a woman than Chinese men do. These women soon realize that in theory, even if not practical, their man should have taken the burden of support of the family on his shoulders, The married women who come here do so with the intention of making a better life for their family. After years of working here they realize that their husband does not care. The extra money she sends home is never enough for him to visit her. He never saves some of what she sends and buys her a ticket to come home because he misses her. Her family later contacts her and tells her that her husband has found a "friend." It happens quite often. She realizes that the money she has sent home is probably going for hotel rooms and gifts for a younger lady. Divorce enters her mind but the legal pursuit of same is not important at present. She has reached a crisis in her life. She is in a strange land. Her future existence is in question because she knows she cannot do hard labor forever. Her parents are deceased or close to it. If she goes home in many cases she faces the shame of her husband's desertion of her. She simply continues to work and hopes to save enough money to one day open her own business. She dreams that some day maybe an American man may want her. Maybe she and other women she knows who have also been cast aside can live together to bring some happiness into a life of drudgery. I have helped several of these women. I will meet someone at a restaurant and we become friends and I help her obtain insurance, pass citizenship test, obtain a driver license and work permit, and assist with other legal problems. One lady I know is married to a good Chinese gentleman. I have trained their sons at the gym. I was a pallbearer at her father's funeral. When others who come here need help they are desperate. Their friends introduce them to me and I do the best I can to assist them. There is never any intention of dating. I am happy with helping others and if we become friends, that is a blessing. On occasion through months or years of friendship, people do get close. Do these ladies tell themselves that they are married to a bum in China and they must be loyal; never. The guy sent the mother of his child to a foreign country to work to help support him. He knows she cannot communicate and will have to rely on her friendship with another Chinese lady who is familiar with our customs, to survive. She will work much harder than he ever dreamed of working. Many will work in massage parlors because that is the only work they can find. Most will do legit massages but even then, touching naked men for a living and fending off passes from male vultures was not what she had in mind when she came here. She feels disgraced and cannot tell her family that she massages men for a living. The men at home know but they don't care. A masseuse makes five times as much a week as a minimum wage waitress. If their wife is sending home $1,000 or more a month, the men know that a waitress' salary would not permit that. The men know but they don't care because when they put her on that plane they already wrote her off. It was all about money. If she falls in love/like with a man here who has been kind to her what should she do? She is not in China. Even the Bible permits divorce in the case of adultery, but living here and getting a Chinese divorce is not easy and why should she waste the money unless she finds a replacement for him? What works for us may not be feasible for another. We cannot walk in another's shoes.
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"No need to blame the husband. It's their own fault. If they had fight for divorce, for their right, probably husbands in China and men in China would have given Chinese women more respects." I understand what you are saying and in some cases what you say is accurate but not all. Most of the married Chinese ladies I have met here came to America with honest intentions. They work twelve hours a day at manual labor jobs and what money they can spare they send home to a lazy husband. After a Chinese woman lives in America for a while, they all tell me that if they have another chance they would prefer not to marry a Chinese man. American men are not necessarily better, we all have our faults but even on our worst days, we will do more for a woman than Chinese men do. These women soon realize that in theory, even if not practical, their man should have taken the burden of support of the family on his shoulders, The married women who come here do so with the intention of making a better life for their family. After years of working here they realize that their husband does not care. The extra money she sends home is never enough for him to visit her. He never saves some of what she sends and buys her a ticket to come home because he misses her. Her family later contacts her and tells her that her husband has found a "friend." It happens quite often. She realizes that the money she has sent home is probably going for hotel rooms and gifts for a younger lady. Divorce enters her mind but the legal pursuit of same is not important at present. She has reached a crisis in her life. She is in a strange land. Her future existence is in question because she knows she cannot do hard labor forever. Her parents are deceased or close to it. If she goes home in many cases she faces the shame of her husband's desertion of her. She simply continues to work and hopes to save enough money to one day open her own business. She dreams that some day maybe an American man may want her. Maybe she and other women she knows who have also been cast aside can live together to bring some happiness into a life of drudgery. I have helped several of these women. I will meet someone at a restaurant and we become friends and I help her obtain insurance, pass citizenship test, obtain a driver license and work permit, and assist with other legal problems. One lady I know is married to a good Chinese gentleman. I have trained their sons at the gym. I was a pallbearer at her father's funeral. When others who come here need help they are desperate. Their friends introduce them to me and I do the best I can to assist them. There is never any intention of dating. I am happy with helping others and if we become friends, that is a blessing. On occasion through months or years of friendship, people do get close. Do these ladies tell themselves that they are married to a bum in China and they must be loyal; never. The guy sent the mother of his child to a foreign country to work to help support him. He knows she cannot communicate and will have to rely on her friendship with another Chinese lady who is familiar with our customs, to survive. She will work much harder than he ever dreamed of working. Many will work in massage parlors because that is the only work they can find. Most will do legit massages but even then, touching naked men for a living and fending off passes from male vultures was not what she had in mind when she came here. She feels disgraced and cannot tell her family that she massages men for a living. The men at home know but they don't care. A masseuse makes five times as much a week as a minimum wage waitress. If their wife is sending home $1,000 or more a month, the men know that a waitress' salary would not permit that. The men know but they don't care because when they put her on that plane they already wrote her off. It was all about money. If she falls in love/like with a man here who has been kind to her what should she do? She is not in China. Even the Bible permits divorce in the case of adultery, but living here and getting a Chinese divorce is not easy and why should she waste the money unless she finds a replacement for him? What works for us may not be feasible for another. We cannot walk in another's shoes. The curious question is, "how do these women so easily get here"? If they know the husband sent them and the kids away so he can replace her with a younger woman, but profit from her at the same time, then its a done deal... she should find what she wants. Life is quite amazing in the spectrum of the human being. If she creates a business, her first thing should be to make the separation legal via divorce, before he wants to claim profit from her business.
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Honesty is the best policy. Many years ago I got involved in a scenario like this where I thought I was dating a single divorced woman and even though divorce proceedings had begun, I was still dating a married woman. I had made plans that I would not have made had I known the truth. I found out totally by accident because we used the same tax accountant and she being my friend, the tax accountant made sure I was aware. I remember being very shocked and hurt at the same time.
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