Last Day. Last Post.
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Posted:Oct 3, 2010 11:21 am
Last Updated:Oct 23, 2010 6:56 pm 7542 Views
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Thank you for taking the time to read my short blog. The results of my month long paid voyage are as follows:
12 - Winks
53 - Messages (Including Repeats)
10 (Approx.) – Removed from My Inbox for Abuse
185 - Views
3 - Hotlists
Unknown – Messages Sent
I sent allot of messages but they were not logged in my “Sent” box. They were, however, listed individually at the bottom of each profile I responded to which saved me from bothering woman who seemed to have no interest.
One really cool feature I liked was to pay extra (double) to give woman the ability to email me for free if they want to. Overall, I suspect less than half of the profiles I looked at were from active woman on the site. My goal was to find a woman within the US.
I think I met around ten really cool women but their interest faded (as did mine) after three or for emails. In retrospect, I will limit my efforts to local woman so we can go out and do stuff together rather than laboring through a conversation in English. I’m sure I would have done allot better had I spoken the language of the woman I was interacting with. Talking on the phone also seemed problematic. I suggested it a few times but there was very little receptivity; which is understandable.
I also got the impression many of the woman just want to be social with no intent of moving forward passed IM’ing or email. I also got a good sense of how careful (or skeptical) some can be to the extent I am left to wonder if we (men) can ever get beyond the stereotypes or false expectations that evolve from womans expectation based on anacdotal evidense from past relationships (GOG . I am hopefull none the less.
Two problems at previous free sites that did not occur had to do with 1) CAM girls trolling the date site to get me to check them out naked with my visa card; and, 2) scammers sending template emails telling sad depressing stories in order to get money sent to them. Curious though, why $400 was the same amount needed on most occasions.
One problem I came across in my experience at this site was lying on a profile concerning location. Some of the girls I thought were local turned out to be from the UK, Nigeria, or some other part of Africa. I politely left the scene and they were polite enough to allow me to do so. No harm no foul.
Overall, I would say interacting here was a good experience. I got to meet a lot of nice girls even though nothing stuck. I also got a good sense of what age appropriate might mean but the jury is still out on that. As a final gesture, I created an email address and sent it to all woman I had interaction with just in case. One never knows. No one has responded so the result is self-evident I suppose. I suspect I may never find what I am looking for but then again, I can always hope the right woman finds me. In the meantime, I will be moving on to another site for a while to start over again. I’m just not sure which one. After all, there are many. Thank you again for hanging out with me. I know we will all find what we are looking for - eventually. Bye for now....
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The Too Pretty Woman
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Posted:Sep 20, 2010 9:23 am
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2010 11:04 am 7474 Views
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Hello Again:
I recently got some advice to post more light hearted fun stuff and wanted to point out I blog purely out of selfishness. My primary goal is to process my thoughts and feelings by writing everything out. The fact that I share my thoughts in a blog, I do as a courtesy to those like me, trying to figure out if dating online is a viable alternative to the way it has always been. As for being so “heavy”, as opposed to light and fun; well, I have to view everything as a filter. The way I look, the way I talk, what I say, all has to do with being totally honest so the woman that choses me is good for me in the long run. I believe you get from a relationship what you put into it so I simply choose to start with honesty with myself and those around me; something hard to maintain as I get older but valuable none the less. Today I think about the “too pretty” woman; those that post professional looking pictures with perfect, hair, eyes, smiles, etc.
While looking at pictures of the many drop-dead beautiful woman on this site (most of whom live in China), I question why I never tried to have more than one relationship with a woman I would consider “too pretty”. I have always told myself "too pretty" girls make terrible lovers in the long run. But then again, I probably think that way because the one "too pretty" girl, love of my life, was my first heartbreak. Maybe I'm still bitter or regretful, intimidated, or just plain scared. I hope not, because then I would be no better than the kind of dishonest, baggage ridden, guy woman complain about in their profiles. Or the "too pretty" girls my own age, for that matter, who will never find a partner because they refuse to change, evolve, forgive, and let go to make room for someone new. For me, I would hope I evolve a little more every day.
As I look at all the angelic faces on this site I wonder how pretty girls ever get beyond all the b******t most guys tell them in the hopes of "getting lucky". Maybe it is the objectification of woman I object to but I suppose I have to also consider all woman want to be objectified on some level; probably in the same way I might objectify a woman in the context of a committed loving relationship. Hmmm. Interesting. None the less, the whole "hookup" mentality never really appealed to me. Yet here I am, fantasizing what it would be like having a family with young looking beautiful woman in the context of a blog that will not be read by many. Safe I suppose. It sure beats my normal M.O. of being provocative to keep my distance. Although being provocative is more advantageous than writing this; or at least more fun.
Maybe being "too pretty" explains allot. Maybe it explains why often the prettiest girls end up with the not so handsome men; leaving some "too pretty" older woman to be bitter and uncompromising toward a new relationship dooming it from the start. Maybe some "too pretty" young woman figured out plain looking average men are better partners in all ways; better providers in the long run. Jeez. now I'm talking myself into being plain instead of being the educated, good looking, and established man I've been working so hard to become in preparation for a life with a woman. Yes, it seems I have backed myself into an intellectual corner with this thinking. My solution will be to stop thinking in ten days or so when my effort to find a LTR on this site ends.
Or maybe I will just leave it to fate. Maybe the woman of my dreams will read this after all and make the effort to know me. Maybe we do meet someday, marry, and have a wonderful life together. Maybe we both end up where we are meant to be by being honest with ourselves and each other and taking the initiative regardless of "what people might think" in our cultural contexts.
Do I want something? Yes. To meet the woman I have prepared all my life to meet; to have the opportunity to realize common interests and make the effort; regardless of the distance between us. Fate is a funny thing, we’ll just have to see how our Karma plays out I guess. I know I am impatient but hopeful none the less.
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9/11/2010 – Arrogance and Lowering Your Standards
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Posted:Sep 11, 2010 11:56 am
Last Updated:Sep 20, 2010 9:44 am 7500 Views
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9/11/2010 – Arrogance and Lowering Your Standards
“But at any rate, the point is that God is what nobody admits to being, and everybody really is”.
Alan Watts
The end of Week 1. Well, not much is going on as of yet. Three more weeks and I’m out I suppose. As of today I have 6 emails, 6 winks, and 60 views. Maybe that’s good, who knows. Still, I wonder what goes on in the minds of woman as they look me over when I wink at or email them. Do they think, “old creepy dude”, or “decent looking but old”, or “too educated”, or “too far”, or “good opportunity for a VISA” (observation contributed by a friend), or “sugar daddy” (ha ha ha), or “stuck up”, or “talks too much”, or “thinks too much”, or “too smart”, or “not smart enough”, or “too skinny”, or “not skinny enough”, or “sucker who will sign up on my site”, “sucker who will pay for a CAM session”, or ?. . . . . .
I shared this dating experience with a female coworker, which led to her conclusion I would never find a good woman because I am too arrogant, shallow, and closed minded for anyone; that I will always be alone, missing out on allot of love over the past and coming years. Granted, mind you, she is telling me this as a friend because she cares. So I need to reflect, am I arrogant? Do I only care only about looks? Am I inflexible? Hmmmm.
Let’s see, regarding arrogant. I would have to say no because although I am passionate, competitive, and dedicated to my profession, potential feelings of superiority stop there. So, am I arrogant/confident professionally? Yes (situational); but do I fundamentally feel I am better than everyone. No, quite the opposite I would think. In fact, I view every living thing as equal in stature to my own existence. The difference, I would think, lies not in existence and the social hierarchical construct we impose on ourselves and others; but rather, in how we choose to live out our lives. So in this sense, I believe we are all the center of our own universes, whose sum total of which reflects the only metaphysical truth there is, GOD.
What about looks? Well, she might have a point there but I have an out. I am not interested in finding a woman who’s definition of beauty comes from the media sponsored by big business. Rather, I strive to find a woman that is beautiful to me, one I could still blend with (get physical) at 100. So, if you’re 30 and cute or 50 and cute bring it on, as long as you’re cute to me.
What about being closed minded (inflexible)? Well, for right now, I’m probably guilty as charged. I supposed I need to have a woman in my life who has either already achieved close to or more than what I have achieved in terms of education, career, and finances, or has the desire to achieve those things in her lifetime. Having a family is given. are fine. Having no are fine too, as long as we live the experience together.
In conclusion, I am reminded of one response to my last blog post warning some woman are serial daters and never make up their mind. While I have no doubt there are woman out there like that I have to believe it’s all about taking a chance, putting it out there again and hoping for a spark; something that includes the physical and more. So in retrospect I think maybe I need to just be patient and not expect to find a woman like ordering a Big Mac (I’m actually a Sushi guy). Do I have standards? Yes, don’t we all? Are these standards inflexible? Should I lower them? Of course not, they change every minute. The woman I end up with will definitely be the exception. In what way, I have no idea. The clock is ticking none the less. One month, tick tock.
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9/6/2010 – The Age Thing
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Posted:Sep 6, 2010 12:19 pm
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2010 8:20 pm 7300 Views
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I see a few are reading this thing. I hope we can learn from each other.
Older woman
Today is day three and I have been doing allot of unsuccessful searching and posting with the exception of one woman that seems interesting. I'm still wondering about the age thing though. On one hand, the love of my life was a woman allot older than me leading to a great 10 year relationship, which makes me think I should strive for an older woman again. After all, I love an experienced, educated woman who has the confidence to say what she wants in a romantic context. But I also might have to contend with transferred anger, fault and criticism from previous failed relationships or marriages which is not cool at all. I get it. We all invest our time, our love, and life into another person with the reasonable expectation that love will last, only to get heart broken later down the line. But does that mean we have the right to deny the heartbreak and allow that bitterness and disappointment to bubble into future relationships? In this sense some of us will always be alone in the long run, wasting the time of those we meet, quickly getting bored and moving on to the next because we don't take the time to know and love ourselves better. So, is an older woman the way to go? Probably not but there is always the exception so I will keep an open mind.
What about a younger chick?
I've been reading a lot of profiles and they all seem to say the same thing. Woman in general seem to want a kind, generous, funny, educated man, bla bla bla. This says nothing really because all of us have the ability to change if we want to; if we have the courage and patience to take the time.
As a guy, my instinct (unrealistic fantasy) is objectify a woman; to get with the hottest youngest chick I can find, but to what end? Looks fade, what else have you got? Maybe this is why some men strive so hard to be “successful”; to be good enough to attract the “right” woman, looks and all, with no regard to physical age. Its kind of ironic in a sense. I remember when I was in my 20's I was very intimidated by pretty girls my age. I remember thinking why would such a beautiful woman have any interest in me. What do I have to offer? I remember being over confident, maybe even a little arrogant, to keep the prettiest girls away from me so I wouldn't have to deal with rejection. The “reject them first before they reject me” is a piss poor strategy in retrospect. But then again, I perceive allot of younger girls now with the same strategy. Go figure, I think like a chick. Whats also ironic is that now instead of worrying about what I have to offer a woman, I am equally concerned about what she has to offer me? What can you contribute to our potential household? Are you a nurse, a teacher, a lawyer, a doctor, a scientist? It all matters now so I would have to say that good looks cannot stand alone. A girl has to have more to offer these days so there is always something to do or talk about. I think boredom will kill any relationship so if you look good you better have a few other talents.
Well, that's it for now. Thanks for listening to me process this experience so far. I have never cared about the age of a woman as long as she looks good to me but maybe I should. Everyone else seems to. Time will tell I suppose.
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Day One 9-4-10
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Posted:Sep 4, 2010 10:28 am
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2010 12:22 pm 7149 Views
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Well, here I am. I finally did it. I broke down and paid a fee to date online. I have been signing up with allot of free sites the last few months trying to decide which one to go with and this one got the best reviews. From what I can tell, there are allot of affiliate contractors at some of the other sites that emailed me their addresses like crazy pretending to be interested woman. This only discouraged me from signing up after I figured it out. I have great hopes for this site so far. Anyone who looks will see I have spent allot of time filling out all the fields and checking all the boxes. I wonder if woman really reads this stuff as opposed to checking my age and picture and moving on.
I suppose I'm like the rest of the 46 year old guys here; worked hard, got an education, got a career, spent all my time doing that stuff, never really dating, now wondering how all the time slipped by so fast. I think what bugs me most is that I still have the minds eye of a 23 year old unaccustomed to the idea that very few woman from 23 to 33 in the US will have anything to do with me. Not that I particularly want a 23 to 33 year old. I don't know what I want in terms of age and never thought about it that way anyway. I've always believed that a woman should look good no matter what age she is. At least that’s the story I'm sticking with. But then again if I meet a girl who plays piano or violin or is a dancer, martial artist, actor, or artist I'm toast no matter what age she is. Maybe the bottom line is that we each must supplement the life of the other in equal proportion using a weighted scale to account for age difference. After all, I can't expect all potential woman to have an education, career, and property. I can only hope having an open mind will be the key.
So, I think I'm set. Current pictures = Check, profile filled out = Check, did the blog thing = Check. Yea. Ready to roll, baby. Let the process begin.
I will try this for one month and let you all know my progress.
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