Let's Laugh a Little -3
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Posted:Jul 29, 2022 3:31 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 9:40 pm 9877 Views
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There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down. and saw her
husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . if you explain the ."
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Sunshine Coast Memories - Part 2 of 4
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Posted:Jul 28, 2022 11:15 am
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 9:40 pm 6966 Views
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Not yet, And she gently pushed me away. she bent down.
She tugged on my string, stood up and shed
My shorts. Muscles in abs, chest and arms
Rippled as she lifted my shirt over my head.
She scanned my tan, enjoyed the contrast of brown
My organ stood stiff, with an outward flair, straight up
At each beat of my heart it threw a little nod her way,
And from the slot of my spout, exuded a drop.
Her grove was of a young one. Her lair of hair was fair
A tangle of curls luxurious whorls and couth.
Except for a trimmed spur of golden curls she was bare.
She had a neat navel. Her belly was flat and smooth.
By contrast I was slung from the fork of muscular legs.
The firm base of my sperm, and hung like a bear
Cradling my glands, two high and tight eggs,
They swung as I came at her, oh so shamelessly bare.
We aligned mouths. We entwined. All act was clutch,
All fact contact, the attack and the interlock
Of tongues, the charms of arms. I shook at the touch
Of her fresh flesh, she rocked at the shock of my c*ck.
She straddled her legs as i inserted into her divine,
Then she closed on it as tight as she could
The warmth of her tummy lay all along mine.
Nude, glued together for a minute, we stood.
Mad to the idea of the conquest, to be felt and smelled
My lips explored her adorable t*ts. My eyes
Assessed her breasts. I all over caressed
The athletic hips, the slim limbs, the grooves of her thighs.
She hugged, she snuggled into an armpit, she sniffed
The subtle whiff of my tuft. She lapped up a taste
Of its now hot hollow. Her fingers began to drift
On a trek of inspection, a leisurely tour of my waist.
Downward in circles she playfully strayed
Encroaching on my privates, she approached my prick,
She teasingly swerved, retreated from meeting. It betrayed
Its pleading need by a pretty imploring kick.
"Shall i rim you?" she whispered. I shifted my limbs in assent
Turned on my side and opened my legs, as if pleading, pass
To the dark parts behind. And she kissed as she went
To the thick cord that ran from my balls to my a*s.
*(to be continued...)
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Let's Laugh a Little -2
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Posted:Jul 27, 2022 8:01 pm
Last Updated:Jul 28, 2022 12:35 am 6426 Views
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Nine Months Later...
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked: "Bob, do you remember that good- looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and fool around with her?"
"Yes," he said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
"No need to apologize, Bob. She just died and left me everything!"
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Let's Laugh a Little
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Posted:Jul 27, 2022 7:49 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 9:40 pm 3802 Views
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How Do They Have Sex:
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.
BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.
BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.
BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.
BOSSES delegate the task to others.
BOWLERS have bigger balls.
BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.
BUTCHERS have better meat.
CAMPERS do it in a tent.
CARPENTERS hammer it harder.
CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.
CHEMISTS like to experiment.
CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.
CLOWNS do it for laughs.
COACHES whistle while they work.
COPS have bigger guns.
COWBOYS handle anything horny.
COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.
CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.
CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.
DENTISTS do it in your mouth.
DETECTIVES do it under cover.
DIETICIANS eat better.
DIVERS do it deeper.
DOCTORS do it with patience.
DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.
DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.
ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.
ENGINEERS charge by the hour.
EXECUTIVES have large staffs.
FARMERS spread it around.
FIREMEN are always in heat.
FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.
GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.
GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.
HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.
HUNTERS do it with a bang.
INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.
LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.
LAWYERS do it in their briefs.
LIBRARIANS do it quietly.
MACHINISTS make the best screws.
MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.
MANAGERS supervise others.
MARKETING REPs do it on commission.
MILKMEN deliver twice a week.
MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.
MINERS sink deeper shafts.
MINISTERS do it on Sundays.
OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.
OPERATORS do it person-to-person.
OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.
PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.
PLUMBERS do it under the sink.
POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.
POSTMEN come slower.
PROFESSORS do it by the book.
REPORTERS do it daily.
RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.
RETAILERS move their merchandise.
SAILORS like to be blown.
SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.
SCIENTISTS discovered it.
SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.
SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.
STEWARDESSES do it in the air.
STUDENTS use their heads.
TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.
VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.
ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.
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Beware The Cyberman
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Posted:Jul 27, 2022 7:43 pm
Last Updated:May 3, 2024 9:40 pm 3483 Views
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He'll watch you in the chat rooms
To win you is his goal
He'll woo you and pursue you
he'll charm your very soul.
So when you get an e-mail
And it seems to fill your needs
You go ahead and answer
Not thinking where it leads.
He plays you songs of romance
That get your juices flowing
He's sweet and kind and loveable
And suddenly your glowing.
When you're in his clutches
And he has you feeling willing
He'll break your heart and drop you
He knows he's made his killing.
He'll change his name
Start anew, and find another quarry
You'll be crying bitter tears
While he's not even sorry.
He prays upon the lonely
He knows just how to please
He'll send you virtual flowers
And he'll bring you to your knees.
So ladies while you're surfing
Use caution, while you can
Have fun but heed the dangers
Beware the CyberMan!
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FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
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Posted:Jul 27, 2022 2:17 pm
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2022 5:10 pm 6520 Views
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1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and contributes to the finances.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, VERY IMPORTANT that these four women DO NOT KNOW EACH OTHER or you could end up dead.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Yours,
The bad boy next door a.k.a. dimasalang
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MI TENTACION...
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Posted:Jul 27, 2022 12:22 pm
Last Updated:Aug 17, 2022 11:10 am 6356 Views
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** I don't expect you'all to understand how my heart feels tonight. Let us just say in stupor; I remember a someone... de mi corazon a' tu corazon 
Tu me acostumbraste
A todas esas cosas
Y tu me ensenaste
Que maravillosas
Sutil llegaste a mi
Como una tentacion
Llenando de ansiedad
Mi corazon.
Yo no comprendia
Como se queria
En tu mundo raro
Y por ti aprendi
Por eso me pregunto
Al ver que me olvidaste
Por que no me ensenaste
Como se vive sin ti?
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